ER'sB !

ER'sB GUEST POET CORNER: MICHELLE OBAMA

 

 

 

PRAY FOR MY BARACK (by Michelle Obama)

Pray for my Barack
He's so much more than talk
Midterm elections, progessive reflections
on MTV he'll rock!

Pray for my dear Barry
and give your vote to Harry
and Ms. Pelosi is not Bella Lugosi
so do not fear or be wary!

Think of how our country
has done evil things in its history
Try to be proud, and say out loud
For once I'm proud of this country!

Pray for us progressives
we don't want to get aggressive
with you and yours
but we will, and more
we need to look impressive!

Reflect on how stupid you all are
if you think that Palin is a star
and read far less or we'll smash the press
and you and feathers and black tar!

Pray for our affluence
to not would be imprudence
Me and Barry and our banker Larry
must be richer than all of you'uns!

So pray for my Barack
In November a liberal lock
Beat teabagger cancer, or we'll call in the panthers
and with night sticks you'all they'll "mock!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHILE CELEBRATES AS ALL 33 MINERS ARE RESCUED - MUSLIM WORLD DEMANDS FULL CREDIT

 

 

 

 

 

(Copiapo) Chile completed its flawless rescue of 33 miners trapped for a record 10 weeks, sparking euphoria around the world as Muslim leaders announced Chile could not have done it without them.

"Take zero for instance," said Turkey's Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan. "Did you notice the shape of the escape tunnel? It's in the form of a zero, and we Muslims, the best of peoples, came up with zero, so we deserve full credit for making the rescue possible."

In reality, it was a Hindu mathemetician, Aryabhata, in India before 400 BC who actually invented zero, according to an incredulous Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India, who couldn't stop laughing when told of Erdogan's remarks.

 

"Zero, we invented it, see? So we deserve all the credit" said Turkish PM Erdogan (AFP)

 

From Lebanon, where he is on some kind of ridiculous "mission," Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad took a short break from cracking jokes about the Holocaust to second Erdogan, and to question the West's priorities.

"Isn't it just like those Great Satan societies of the decadent West to be so very concerned about a few grimy miners when there are still Jews left in the world who haven't been beheaded yet? But still in all, praise be to Allah for having effectively allowed this rescue, they couldn't have done it without the influence of our great Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)."

 

"No! Erdogan didn't really say that, did he? He did? Are you serious?" asked Indian PM Singh (UPI)

 

After a spellbinding 22-hour drama that captivated hundreds of millions around the world, late Wednesday the last of the miners, grizzled leader Luis Urzua, capped an against-all-odds operation hailed by Chile's president as an inspiration to the world.

 

"And one, we Muslims invented that too, and you'll notice that the Chili's (sic) only needed one rescue capsule. Coincidence? I think not" said Ahmadinejad (photo courtesy of the TV show Shi'ite Tonight!)

 

U.S. President Obama made this statement when asked about the miners:

"Don't let me down in November, America. Don't make me look bad, I mean it. I'm serious. You won't like me if I end up looking bad."

 

"No, I really mean it. I do. I double mean it, so don't you even think of daring to do that to me" (photo courtesy of Alinsky-Lewinski Solutions, LLC)

 

Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf noted that "it would be in the best interests of the West to give us full credit for this rescue, otherwise a great many Muslims will be very, very angry. I cannot protect the West from them unless the West concedes fully to my demands."

 

 

AFGHANISTAN: TALIBAN "PEACE COUNCIL" DEMANDS "GESTURE" FROM U.S.

 

JESUS, WHO IS NOT A MUSLIM PROPHET, OBLIGES:

 

 

MANIC DEPRESSIVE AFGHAN PRESIDENT KARZAI CONFIRMS HE'S LYING AND DOUBLE DEALING AGAIN, AND DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT WHO KNOWS HE'S OFF HIS MEDS

 

 

 

 

October 12, 2010

 

(KABUL) Attempting to make it look somewhat like he's advancing his nation's peace progress with insurgents while boldly stringing the United States along for as long as possible, all in order to save his own neck whilst making his corupt family ever richer, Afghan President Hamid Karzai said unofficial negotiations with the Taliban have been taking place and hopes the formation of a peace council will further those efforts.

 

 

He made his statements at the same time that he was vacuuming the press room, balancing his personal budget, washing the windows, fixing an electrical outlet, planning a meeting, programming his TIVO, doing a crossword, dictating his memoirs, and doing push ups.

 

"You see I'm lying, and I'm lying, and I'm all powerful. I can fly. I'm off my meds and I don't give a shit that you know. Now, pay me, pay me, pay me, or kiss your fuel trucks at the border bye bye, okay? Why are you all looking at me like that? Is something wrong?" said Karzai (photo courtesy of Allahu Akbar!!! Media)

 

"We have been talking to the Taliban as countryman to countryman, talk in that manner. Of course you all know it's bullshit. I can walk through walls, want to see? Actually I don't feel like it right now you goddamned sonofabitch traitors!!! Did you see that picture of cigar guy from Ryder Cup? Wasn't that hilarious? We are Moslems here, the best of peoples. You have no choice but to deal with me. I can swim and breathe under water. So what I'm double dealing with America and the Taliban, I will live forever," Karzai told ER'sB.

 

 

"It's not like I have a regular official contact with the Taliban with a fixed address, but rather unofficial personal contacts have been going on for quite some time. What you don't know is that I tell them one thing and the U.S. government something else. I once wrestled a bear, and right now you really have to pay me, or something bad might happen again with your fuel trucks, infidels.

I love everybody in the world!" the Afghan President shouted, before turning and running face first into a concrete wall, knocking himself out.

 

 

ANOTHER AMISH TERROR ATTACK PARALYZES LANCASTER

 

 



 

October 11, 2010 

 

LANCASTER, Pennsylvania — The streets of Pennsylvania's "Amish Town" were mostly quiet Sunday as police stepped up patrols to prevent more attempted violence after twin buggy attacks at a Mennonite school sparked angry mobs of bearded youths to rampage with pitchforks like it was 1699 through this picturesque central Pennsylvania city.

Three people were "shot" at and hundreds frightened in the horse-drawn onslaught Saturday evening at the Lancaster Mennonite High School on Lincoln Highway where a bake sale was in progress. At least two plain black cars were torched by mobs who also fired flintlock rifles into the air, once.

A barn was also was set on fire Friday on a major road. 

 

 

 

Lancaster is 95 percent Amish, and the majority belong to the "Old Order," a very conservative and fundamental form of the religion. Christian Anabaptists (Mennonites), have been the sworn enemies of this sect of the Amish since electricity was discovered some two centuries ago.

The very limited "English (modern)" ways of the Mennonites, such as the use of automobiles and telephones (rotary-dial only), are rejected by the Amish, and make the so-called "plain" folks the frequent targets of militants.

 

Terror personified: Hezekiah Schwarzengruber and Ezekiel Knepp, the two most feared Amish militant leaders, seen planning their next strike (photo courtesy of Dutch Country Hex-A-Breakin' Loose Promotions)

  

A clop-by shooting attempt in June at the same school again failed to hurt anyone (black powder fouled the 300-year old blunderbuss barrels), and elderly crossing guards on foot easily chased down the Amish militants involved before the attackers could even get their next buck and ball loads out of their leather powder cases. That attack infuriated many Lancastrian Mennonites, who saw it as an unjustified attempted assault on peaceful students.

 

 

After Saturday's attack, condemnations for the outraged Mennonite protests came from across the Amish world, and even included a stern statement from President Obama, who was worshiping at the Washington, D.C. Islamic Center at the time. The President said that the "unwarranted backlash against those of the peaceful Amish religion will not be tolerated. Amishophobia must be stamped out at all costs, inshallah."

The President also warned voters again not to dare let him down in November. 

 

"Don't you dare, and I mean it, America" said Obama (PUI)

 

"I say here now onest, we the Amish remain committed to defending ourselves from these Anabaptist English devils and telephone blasphemers, and we shall not piffle nor put it by until the hated Mennonites are all" stated Amish terror-chief Hezekiah Schwarzengruber at a hastily convened press conference.

 

 

Two old Mennonite ladies in the crowd were shouted down as "racists & bigots" when they expressed their deep sadness at having had family members targeted in the Amish attacks. They were quickly escorted out while being loudly rebuked by the police for being "bitter old Bible-clinging Amishophobes and haters."

 

 

  

GOOD THINGS ISLAM HAS DONE IN THE WORLD TODAY (10-11-10)

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, couldn't identify anything good, anywhere in the world, that Islam has done today (10-11-10). I'll keep searching, though...

 

 

Special Feature: TRUE CRIMES CONTRASTED: The "Son of Sam" Killer and the "Apostle of Allah" Slayer

  

  

 

 

 

David Berkowitz, the "Son of Sam" (also known as the ".44 Caliber Killer") was caught in August of 1977. He had murdered 6 people and wounded 7 in the New York City area.

Similarly, another serial murderer, known as the "Apostle of Allah" slayer (or the "114 Surah Killer"), was never apprehended by any authorities. In the case of Mohammad Ibn 'Abdullah, the "Apostle of Allah" slayer, we know that amongst the many titles he pronounced upon himself, he also went around claiming to be - without any evidence except his own bizarre and contradictory testimony - a "Prophet of God."

Between the years 570 and 632, he murdered thousands of innocent people and wounded an unknown number in the Arabian Peninsula.

 

David Berkowitz, the "Son of Sam," or the ".44 Caliber Killer"

 

Mohammad Ibn 'Abdullah, the "Apostle of Allah" slayer, or the "114 Surah Killer"

 

Interestingly, despite the long period of time between the serial murders committed by Ibn 'Abdullah and Berkowitz, there are some striking similarities between the two men; namely, that both refused to take any personal responsibility for their actions, and instead blamed "outside forces" for their evil acts.

Berkowitz claimed his orders to murder came from a German Shepherd dog named "Sam." Ibn 'Abdullah professed that he was instructed to kill by a pagan "moon idol/god" named "Allah." Berkowitz craved the limelight and loved the public attention once apprehended. Ibn 'Abdullah, too, was a self-absorbed and attention-hungry narcissist who constantly strove to be the center of attention.

 

Berkowitz craved attention from the public.

 

Ibn 'Abdullah craved attention from everyone and everything, but especially from the young daughters of those he had just murdered.

 

Join us next time for another episode of "True Crimes Contrasted," when we'll examine the deeds of fallen angel Satan contrasted with the far more destructive and evil "Ayatollah" Ruhollah Khomeini of Iran.

 

 

 

WITH ALMOST NO ONE LEFT TO BLAME, OBAMA ATTACKS LITTLE OLD LADIES WITH WALKERS WHO "AREN'T MOVING FORWARD FAST ENOUGH"

  

  

"Faster, faster!!"

President Obama is at it again, this time scolding Democratic octogenarians in the pages of AARP Magazine:

[I]f old people, especially these little old ladies with walkers now want to take their balls of yarn and very slowly go home instead of starting out right this minute for their local polling locations, that tells me these elderly folks weren't serious in the first place...The idea that we've got a lack of enthusiasm in our retirement homes and hospices, that these ancient Americans are sitting in their wheelchairs and complaining, is just irresponsible. These people are slow in more ways than one, and they need to get some pep in their step for the Democratic party and head out now, because it'll take them a month to get to those polling locations in time to vote in the mid-terms. As I see it, they're just not moving forward fast enough.

 

When people scratch their heads and wonder how a campaign based on hectoring your wealthiest supporters expects to turn out voters, the answer is, it doesn't. 

 

  

 

What the hell is Obama doing? No one, left or right, has a clue. 

This really isn't about lighting a fire under the fragile asses of elderly voters, it's about running out of people to blame for the unbelievable mess he's made, a mess the president in no way will ever take responsibility for. 

 

 

Consider how Obama's "Blame Game" has progressed over time:  Bush's fault; Bush's fault; Fox's fault; Bush's mess; Bush's economy; Bush's fault; Teabagger's fault; Teabagger's fault; Teabagger's fault; Bush's fault; Bush's economy; Fox's fault; Fox's fault; Bush's fault; Bush's mess; Democrat's fault; Democrat's lazy-ass fault; Fox's fault; Old Ladies with walkers fault.

"As everyone can now clearly see, president Obama is nothing but a sociopathic narcissist," said Dr. William Appleby of the Tyson Institute for Political Studies. 

 

 

 

 

  

"That he's lowered himself so far as to blame my 89-year old Aunt Thelma, who by the way thinks FDR is still president, just shows how sick of a man he really is."

 

"Please tell President Roosevelt I'm so, so sorry I've let him down" said 89-year old Thelma McIntyre, between tortured gasps for oxygen (Alamy)

 

 

 

SURPRISE: MUSLIM AMERICANS' RELIGIOUS IQ's EXTREMELY LOW

  

  

  

DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT RELIGION? ESPECIALLY THE INFIDEL KINDS? YOU'RE NOT ALONE, ABDUL AND FATIMA!

 

Odds are that you don't know Mother Teresa was Catholic, and what religion is the Dalai Lama?

Odds are, you've never heard of Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama.

How about Maimonides? Yeah, right!

  

  

And - no Googling - what's the first book of the Bible? How about the first four books of the New Testament?

What's a Bible and New Testimony...what?!?

Muslim Americans who can't answer any of these questions are everywhere, a huge new study has found.

In fact, although the United States is -- according to president Obama -- one of the largest Muslim countries in the world, most Muslim Americans scored .02 percent or less on a quiz measuring knowledge of the Bible, world religions and what the Constitution says about religion in public life.

 

 

What is a Constitution? OH! That filthy man-made document that needs to be replaced with Shariah ASAP!

The survey is full of very unsurprising findings.

For example, it's not only Hanafi or Shi'a Muslims who scored poorly on questions about Christianity, it's also fresh-off-the-jumbo-jet Sunni Somali jihadists.

 

 

It's not just Bible-belt Afghan colonizers who scored abysmally on queries about Protestants, it's also the Cleveland (Pakistani) men with the terror plots that are ready to hatch.

Those who believe the Koran is the literal word of a desert moon-god are universal. 

Barely 2% of all Yemeni-Americans know that they shouldn't wipe their ass with their left hand.

 

 

And only about one in 100 know that a public school teacher should not be beheaded just because she "blasphemed" something. 

The Pepé Le Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life is behind the 32-question quiz, polling more than 3,400 Muslim Americans by telephone to gauge the depth of the Muslim's religious knowledge.

Quote from surveyor: "This study was a complete waste of time."

 

 

The overall attitude of Muslim Americans: "If it isn't in the Koran, it's not worth knowing."

 

MANSON FAMILY MEMBERSHIP UNAVAILABLE, SO ACTRESS IN BRITAIN JOINS ISLAM INSTEAD

 

 

 

Formerly respected actress Myriam-Francois-Cerrah, today just the latest "slave of Allah," and 4th wife of some primitive terrorist named Abdul (photo courtesy of Whattamoron Promotions)

 

Myriam Francois-Cerrah found fame as a child actress in the 90's hit film Sense and Sensibility.  Now she's known for being one of a growing number of educated middle class British females who've abandoned any and all sense and sensibility by converting to Islam.

"I wanted to join the Manson Family, but Charlie is in jail, and membership in Britain is not allowed, so the next best cult of death is Islam" she said.

"I so admired Susan Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkle and Squeaky Fromme, and what they did to advance peace in L.A. back in the 60's."

 

"Charlie is unavailable, but the Prophet Muhammad is very, very similar" said Francois-Cerrah (photo courtesy of Healter Skelter Monthly)

 

Francois-Cerrah says that after learning that joining the Manson death-cult was illegal in Britain, she began looking around for something else. Then came the September 11 terror attacks that led to her "intellectual" curiosity about Islam, and ultimately to conversion to the religion.  She initially suspected that the Prophet Muhammad was a man of peace, and after the 7/7 London bombings and then Madrid, she was "absolutely convinced" of it.

She also believes in unicorns, leprechauns, the righteousness of liberalism, and that her new husband Abdul loves her much more than his other wives. One of the ways she can tell is that he beats her far less frequently than the others.

 

"I just know Abdul loves me more than he loves Fatima, Aisha, or Aafia. He just has to, he just has to, he just has to, he just has to!" 

 

Francois-Cerrah says the radical fringe behind terror attacks doesn't represent the masses of ignorant, privileged Westerners like her who willingly and mindlessly join the fascist, misogynist "religion."

She concedes, however, that at least 5% of Muslims worldwide could be classified as enraged, Allahu Akbar screaming mass murderers.

Out of an estimated total of 1.5 Billion, that's many tens of millions of enraged, Allahu Akbar screaming mass murderers.

"But that's a very small percentage you see? You say it enough times to yourself over and over, you believe it," she said.

"You believe it. You believe it. You believe it. You believe it!" she repeated endlessly.

 

FIRST ANNUAL "KORANICALLY AUTHENTIC ISLAMIC FAIRE!" Is Coming To Michigan Next Weekend!

 

(AN ER'sB SPECIAL LIFESTYLES POSTING)

 

 

"HEY EVERYBODY, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THE FAIRE!"

 

The first annual Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! is expected to be similar to a Renaissance Faire -- only with a lot of authentic death and misery (courtesy Jinn Media)

 

September 24, 2010

What do you get when you combine a medieval, Dark Ages lifestyle, fervent religious devotion and blood-lust, with ordinary Americans from Michigan?

Well, at least some devout Muslims are insisting that all of those things will combine to form a "Jihad-Jamboree" that residents of the "Auto State" will never forget!

 

Doris H. of Dearborn: "That's one Jamboree I will never forget!" (PUI)

 

The Dearborn chapter of the International Association of "Muslim Youth for Holy Accuracy and Religious Everyday Medievalism (MYHAREM)" is proud to announce the creation of the first annual "Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire!" slated to be held in a large field outside of Dearborn, Michigan, next weekend!

Event organizer Muhammad al-Muhammad, 23,  of Dearborn, a founding member of MYHAREM International, explained that "by hosting this Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! we intend to demonstrate for the people of Michigan just how serious we are about our Islam, and just as importantly, how serious they will be as well before too many years go by."

 

The "Koranically Authentic" Way (courtesy Ahmadinejad Photography Ltd.)

 

He said that "Anyone of any age can come to the Faire!  However, all Infidels must be prepared to either submit to Allah, pay the jizya, or die by the sword. Any Jews who attend won't have to worry about making a choice, because they don't have any" he added.

"In Michigan, we are not dicking around like those jackasses from CAIR (Council on American Islamic Relations) or the MAS (Muslim American Society) are. Hooper and Awad and all those other Islam is peace & tolerance liars will one day find their own heads in their laps if they don't get with Allah's program."

 

Two members of MYHAREM Int'l field-testing a potential location for the Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! outside of Dearborn, MI. This site, however, "just reeked of Kuffar," and was eventually rejected (courtesy Worldwide Aisha's Pants)

 

"Basically" al-Muhammad continued, "our position is that the so-called moderate Muslims operating in the U.S. today are complete bullshit and need to die. All of them. They are an affront to Allah and to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

We hope those phony mealy-mouthed traitorous beekeeping apostates suffer protracted and emaciating deaths -- preferably from some form of excruciatingly painful rectal cancer -- along with all Kuffar (a term for non-Muslims), but especially the Jews, inshallah.

We true Muslims in MYHAREM Int'l are utterly committed to the perfection of Islam as Allah laid down so clearly to our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) through the Angel Gabriel. And, we're proud to announce that all of that Islamic perfection and glory will be on full display next weekend at our first annual Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! Please come, bring your young daughters, and all of your jizya (money)!" 

 

The cornfield near Dearborn that was ultimately selected by MYHAREM Int'l members as the perfect spot for the first annual Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! next weekend (courtesy The Daily Musulman)

 

"We are not dicking around" says Muhammad al-Muhammad, founding member of MYHAREM Int'l (courtesy Jinn Media)

 

"The fact of the matter is, we like to get a lot of strange in Islam, just like our Prophet did" explained al-Muhammad. "We're not going to try and deny the fact that he liked naked 9 year old girls by pretending that we don't. We like to beat them too, just like he liked to beat his last wife Aisha. In fact, we beat all of our women, just to honor Him.

I hope the residents of Dearborn and all of Michigan will bring their sexy little daughters to the Faire!  Remember that in Islam, even 6 year old women are eligible for engagement, so please don't hesitate!

We insist that the people of Michigan have an experience with us that they will never forget. 

 

"In Islam, even 6 year old women are eligible for engagement..." (courtesy Worldwide Aisha's Pants)

 

All of the Infidels of Michigan, and of America, must be made to understand that Islam is the only possible future for this country and for the world, and the sooner they accept that and submit to Allah, the better it will be for their families.

So please, I invite everyone to feel free to bring the whole family to the Faire!, but I must caution that in all likelihood, they will be raped and enslaved, unless they are hideously ugly or obese. Michigan Infidel men will just have to accept that most of their women and girls will be our wives and concubines almost before they -- the husbands and fathers --can make it through the line at the Halal goat-on-a-stick stand.

All Infidels have been invited, and I demand that they come."

 

The losers of the sword fights at the Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! will actually be beheaded (Khaybar News Corp.)

 

Daily Events:

Seven themed stages offer a variety of entertainment from Jew-head jugglers and Jinns to magic spinal sperm demonstrations and heretic stonings. There will be no wandering musicians because music is Haram, but Jihadi enthusiasts in everyday 7th century/modern attire will stroll the sandy paths of the recreated 7th century Arab bedouin village, enforcing morality codes and demonstrating battery acid-throwing techniques. Sword fighting competitions are held three times a day, so long as a sufficient number of fighters remain alive enough to fight.

Activities:

Join the Koranically Authentic Faire's Games arena by stepping up to test your balancing ability on the Hangman's Crossbar, or prove your strength at the Test O' Mettle, where you are stoned until you are unconscious, have lost one eye, and at least half of your teeth. Scimitar throwing, Islamic darts of death, and other games of skill can also be found throughout the Faire, as well as donkey-powered rides, poets to assassinate, and plenty of Halal Faire food.

Children's Realm:

Available at no extra charge, the Children's Realm at the Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire is for women 6 years to 10 years of age only. Activities include male anatomy instruction, Harem-style tent dancing, tongue-sucking techniques, a quick introduction on how to please an uncle-husband over 50, and much more, all designed just for your daughters!

Hallmark Introduces New "Playable Jew Card™" Series To Help Combat Anti-Semitism Against Muslims

  

  

  

  

September, 24, 2010

 

Hallmark Cards, in an attempt to help stamp out Islamophobia, will be introducing a new line of greetings called the Playable Jew Card™ series for Muslims.

 Roger Kitman, CEO of Hallmark, said he got the idea originally when he heard the phrase "Muslims playing the Jew card" on TV, although he admits that he has no idea what they were referring to specifically, except that it had something to do with the fight against anti-Muslim bigotry.

"That started the ball rolling. I thought, what a neat thing, what a neat idea it would be for Muslims to perhaps fight the anti-semitism against them by means of a Playable Jew Card™.

 It's got a great ring to it!" said Kitman.  

  

   

  

"So I gave the Playable Jew Card™ idea over to our product development team in the Dearborn, Michigan Division, and the Award-winning Creative Team came up with some really fantastic ideas for it.

I've never seen a team of young people so excited about a project before!"

Asked if the idea of a Playable Jew Card™ might actually be considered anti-Jewish by some, Kitman was dismissive. 

 

Several members of Hallmark's Award-winning Creative Team in the Dearborn, Michigan Division (photo by Abdul)  

 

"Muslims are the ones who are getting the brunt of racism, anti-semitism and that horrible Islampohobia these days, and the Jews, of all people, can understand, I'm sure, that we all need to do whatever we can to alleviate some of the burden on them in whatever way we can. If it's by something as innocuous as sending a Playable Jew Card™ to friends, relatives or even to Jewish colleagues or neighbors, then that's what they should be able to do."

With a selection of approximately a thousand different cards with various printed inspirational messages -- including a recording chip with up to three minutes of time for the sender to record a personalized greeting -- Hallmark hopes the effort will be a big success in the Islamic community.  

  

 

 

  

  

"There's really no need to worry about backlash from Jews these days," said Kitman with a laugh.

"As you know, the Muslims are the new Jews in the 21st century, and I got that directly from our Dearborn Division leader, Ahmed Khalifi-Mohammad. As a successful Muslim of Palestinian origin, he ought to know what he's talking about when it comes to Jews" he added. 

The Playable Jew Card™ will be available for sale in Hallmark stores on November 15th.  

 

  

ER'sB IS PROUD TO SAY:

 

"Hey LibbyLeftard, I just wanted to tell you your analysis of the illegitimacy of Israel is spot on!" by FuzzieKittens, HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR

 

 

 

 

Hey "LibbyLeftard!" 

How's it going? As a HUFFPOST SUPER USER with 477 Fans, I know that you understand how important it is for us to pound our message about Israel home as relentlessly as possible, and I just wanted to send you this little note, off the boards, to let you know how much I appreciate all your efforts!

That analysis you posted 4 hours ago (1:07AM) on the illegitimacy of Israel was so spot on that I nearly jumped for joy! Bravo! Bravo!!!

As a former HUFFPOST SUPER USER with 1,123 Fans myself (before I assumed a HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR position with 1,265 Fans), I know how difficult it can be to keep on top of all those Islamophobes who claim that Islam is bad and evil when it's the Muslims who are always being victimized by the dirty Jews!

You and I understand it's always the filthy, stinking Zionist Jews who are to blame for it all!! How stupid do they think we are?!

 

 

"FuzzieKittens" avatar ( greatly enlarged image)

 

I also know how hard it is to maintain that tough-as-nails "I-know-everything-and-you-know-shit" attitude with most of the commenters (especially new ones) who show up on HuffPost these days.

But I also know how important it is to smash down their thoughts, ideas and opinions as quickly as they type them, so that we can at least keep some semblance of "peace" and order in our HuffPost Community.

Whoa! Looks like I have to run now because a comment just popped up on the board that says that "Israel has the right to protect itself!!" OMG!!!!!

The nerve of some morons!!

I am so going to mock this asshole with unadulterated and vitriolic contempt!!  I am going to make this prick feel so utterly worthless, ignorant, racist, bigoted and Islamophobic that he'll wish he'd never, EVER even DARED post a comment here on HUFFPOST!!!

See ya!

~FuzzieKittens

 

 

"FuzzieKittens" at home, with her HuffPost supplied computer in the background (courtesy of Shariah Enclaves of America Inc.)

 

U.K. Woman teacher charged after 'having sex with two pupils' - Honor Killing scheduled for Friday after prayers

 

23 September, 2010

(Merseyside) A Muslim female whore and disgrace-to-her-honorable-family teacher at an all-boys school has been charged with sex offences against two pupils and sentenced to an excruciatingly painful death.

Hina Patel, 37, was working as a supply teacher when over a period of several weeks she allegedly engaged two boys, both 16, in sexual acts while at the school.

"In the final two days before my face is destroyed and my head reduced to nothing but a bloody pulp, I will try to remain positive!" said the smiling Patel (Liverpool Daily Shariah Post)

 

Patel was employed as a cover supervisor, filling short-term absences of teachers at Birkdale High School, Merseyside, which has 930 pupils aged 11 to 16.

She was immediately suspended from her position after the allegations emerged earlier this year and placed in family detention in the dirt-basement of her father's house.

Yesterday, she was brought before the Shariah Council of Merseyside and sentenced to be stoned to death on Friday after prayers in the town green. 

"I say old man" said Provisional Minister Lord Hee Hee (photo courtesy of Prince Albert in a Can Can)

 

"Jolly good, this new Shariah Britain is wonderfully effecient!" noted Provisional Minister for the Crown Sir Lord Charles Monteforte-Stanley Hee Hee.

"It reminds me of how justice was meted out in the good old days, under Edward the First. I am sure it will be just as effective a deterrent against such hideous crimes as drawing & quartering was for Longshanks. Remember William Wallace!" he said.

Patel, who will be buried up to her neck in the ground and then stoned with fist-sized rocks until her eyes pop out, her skull is destroyed, and her brain is the consistency of pudding, said she's trying to remain positive.

"I know I have offended Allah and the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH). Our prophet was such a good and decent man and taught the world so much, I deserve to be punished harshly for having done things he never would have approved of" she said.

 

Normally a field for football, on Friday after prayers, Hina Patel will be stoned to death for adultery here. Tickets are available at the Liverpool Muslim Society Mosque. Tell them you read about it on ER'sB and get 10% off your admission price for a limited time only!

 

Upon being informed of Mohammad's true, sociopathic personality and murderous deeds, her demeanor changed abruptly.

"You mean he was really evil and horrible and raped little girls and murdered people?!" she cried.

Lord Hee Hee, always at the ready to defend Islam on behalf of Her Majesties government, assured her it was all just being taken out of context, and that her impending brutal execution will, in fact, be just.

Ms. Patel's father, with the help of her two brothers, then grabbed her by the hair and threw her face-first into the boot of their car for the journey back to her basement cell to await her final disposition.

 

 

"All's well that ends well!" said Lord Hee Hee cheerfully, as he turned on his heel and, with his walking cane by his side, strolled quickly out of sight into the early morning mists of Merseyside.

 

OBAMA DEFENDS MUSLIMS RIGHTS TO BE SLUMLORDS

  

 

 

 

September 20, 2010

Washington/Union City, NJ- The Imam at the heart of the Ground Zero Mega-Mosque controversy has been identified as a notorious slumlord by Union City, New Jersey officials. President Obama, upon learning of the designation, called a quick news conference in order to defend his friend Rauf's rights. Obama vowed that the Mosque-building initiative was 'not going to be derailed by insignificant building violations that could result in the deaths of hundreds of tenants.'

'It is absolutely important now for the overwhelming majority of the tenants in Rauf's slums to understand that as a Muslim, he as the absolute right to be the slumlord of his own properties."

 

"Muslims are the best of people, don't fuck with them" said Obama (photo courtesy of FreakingNews.com)

 

'Rauf is not at war with absent fire alarm installers,' Obama said. 'He is at war with bigotry and Islamophobia that is rampant throughout his buildings.' 

Obama also again weighed in on the plans for a New York City mosque near the 2001 terrorist attack site.

 

Imam Rauf's rat infested slum apartment building in Union City, New Jersey (photo courtesy of Dirty Jobs)

  

"Muslims should be able to build whatever they want, wherever they want, and maintain whatever they have in any way they wish. Americans must learn that Muslims are the best of people, and any resistance to Muslims taking over is nothing but bigotry and racism.

What it all comes down to is that Imam Rauf can do what he likes with his apartment buildings, and if the residents don't appreciate him they can live in the fucking street. Also, as regards the mosque, we will not allow anyone to build a church on that site, nor will we allow anyone to build a synagogue or a Hindu temple, and if someone did, Imam Rauf would reserve the absolute right to tear it down and build a mega-mosque on top of it, inshallah" the president said.

 

 

 

 

Obama did not directly mention the Constitution in his statement, but appeared confused when someone shouted something about it.

"Constipation? I don't have any idea what that has to do with this debate at all, and I'm perfectly regular, thanks" the president said, before refusing to answer any questions.

 

 

 

OBAMA ADMITS: "LOOK, I WAS REALLY JUST A JANITOR AT UC LAW"

September 17, 2010

  

It was that look, that sound, that poise, that really first brought Barack Obama to the attention of people at the University of Chicago Law School; the people in the Maintenance Department, that is.

"He never acted like he was one of us, the workers," said Harold Holcombe, former Shift Supervisor of Maintenance personnel at UCLS who has since moved on. "He was a nice enough guy, but kinda slow mopping the halls because he was always stopping and talking to himself and using big, sweeping gestures, which required him to lean the mop up against the wall constantly."

  

I was just emptying the wastebasket when the professor asked how a janitor would solve this problem, so I went to the chalkboard, and, well, you know the rest" said president Obama.

 

Now, with the U.S. economy tanking, unemployment at record highs, foreign policy in a shambles, and Islam apparently taking over America, it's become clear that president Obama is not quite what Americans thought he was when they elected him to office.

"Look," said the president, "I was really just a janitor at UC Law, I admit it."

Obama believes the big change came one day when he was emptying wastebaskets during a class. A professor called to him asking how he, as a simple janitor, would solve the problem being discussed.

"I went to the chalkboard and wrote out what I thought. Next thing I know I'm lecturing classes, and then it was just up, up, up from there" Obama said.

 

 

The popular movie "Good Will Hunting" played a critical role in Obama's ascendancy (courtesy of Miramax)

 

Professor Charles Field-Pickering, the Law professor who initially called on Obama, said the Academy Award winning movie "Good Will Hunting" inspired him.

"My life-partner and I had just seen the movie the night before, and I saw this interesting-looking guy emptying wastebaskets and thought, could it happen in real life? Little could I have known how far that janitor would go!"

From there, Obama became the talk of the Chicago academic community, and the rest, as they say, is history.  

 

"I usually had to re-clean whatever Barry had cleaned. Just like with his current job, you could tell his heart really wasn't it it" said Harold Holcombe, Obama's former supervisor at UCLS (PUI)

  

As for the future, Obama says he's open to any opportunities that may come along.

"I've been really, really lucky so far, but I know this presidency thing is just a lark, a transitional period for me. I'm not very good at it, and neither Michelle nor I like the White House very much. I'm thinking of taking up carpentry next." he said. 

"Maybe I could be the Carpentry Czar in some future administration? I think I'd like that. Or I could be a contractor, a job where I'd get to wear a cool hardhat."

  

  

"EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMAD AS THE HUSBAND OF A 9-YEAR OLD GIRL DAY" ANNOUNCED!

 

 

 

 

The Muslim Prophet Mohammad. What can be confirmed about this sole messenger of Allah and the founder of Islam? Businessman? Probably. Messenger and prophet of Allah? Yes, according to him and him alone. Husband of a 9-year old girl? Most Definitely.

How can we be so sure about that? The Sahih Bukhari Hadith (and other Sahih Hadith) makes the fact that his bride was 9 quite clear, in fact in her own words:

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari HadithHadith 5.234        Narrated byAisha

The Prophet engaged me when I was a girl of six (years). We went to Medina and stayed at the home of Bani-al-Harith bin Khazraj. Then I got ill and my hair fell down.

Later on my hair grew (again) and my mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me. She caught me by the hand and made me stand at the door of the house. I was breathless then, and when my breathing became all right, she took some water and rubbed my face and head with it. Then she took me into the house. There in the house I saw some Ansari women who said, "Best wishes and Allah's Blessing and a good luck." Then she entrusted me to them and they prepared me (for the marriage).

Unexpectedly Allah's Apostle came to me in the forenoon and my mother handed me over to him, and at that time I was a girl of nine years of age.

 

Mind you, these Sahih Hadith are considered absolutely authentic sources for understanding the things that Mohammad said and did.

Mohammad is considered the most beautiful example of conduct for Muslims - al-insan, al-kamil, the perfect man; and it is important to understand that his example, even though he lived nearly 1,400 years ago, is still followed widely in the Muslim world in the 21st century.

 

No, this 10-year old girl is not this Muslim man's daughter (photo courtesy of NAMGLA, Northern Afghanistan Man Girl Love Association)

 

Yes, Mohammad, aged 54, married 9-year old Aisha (Actually, Mohammad "engaged," or "married" her when she was 6, but to demonstrate how decent he was and how much he loved little children, he didn't consumate the marriage until she was 9. In truth, he found her unattractive with no hair, and wouldn't touch her until it grew back...see above)!

So come on Ibrahim, Asad, Faisal and Mahmoudl! It's time to let your "perfect man" hang out in all his glory and show the world how proud you are to emulate him!!

Don't be bashful and hide your prophet's ways, he wanted to be the #1 man on earth, so let him take the spotlight!

 

 

In order to help shine the flattering light of peace, grandeur and love upon him, and particularly upon one of the subjects he was so very fond of - being the husband of a 9-year old girl, we've decided to announce the First Annual "Everybody Draw Mohammad as The Husband of a 9-Year old Girl" Day!"

Here are some suggestions for your drawings:

-Draw Mohammad being a husband to a 9-year old girl in the desert.

-Draw Mohammad being a husband to a 9-year old girl in his tent.

-Draw Mohammad being a husband to a 9-year old girl on camel back.

-Draw Mohammad being a husband to a 9-year old girl in a darkened mosque hallway near the Ka'ba.

-Draw Mohammad learning to love himself, with the help of his 9-year old wife.

 

So many different ways to draw Mohammad being a husband to a 9-year old girl!  Let's all celebrate that fact!

Get your pens and your paper and draw away, America!!

 

 

RAUF TO SUE TENANTS OF HIS SLUMS - SAYS CHARGING ISLAMIC DEFINITION OF SLANDER IS HIS RELIGIOUS RIGHT

  

  

 

  

  

September 16, 2010

Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf, the leader of the Ground Zero Mega-Mosque Initiative, today filed suit in a hastily convened Shariah court against all of the tenants of his slums in Union City New Jersey, charging Islamic slander.

The Imam maintains that suing Islamically is his religious right.

  

"it may be true I am a slumlord, but it is illegal to say it" said Imam Rauf.

  

"As a prominent and important Muslim religious leader it is my right to sue them as the Shariah provides," he said.

Under Shariah law, which Rauf intends to introduce to America from Ground Zero, slander is not defined as an untruth about a Muslim, but only as something said that might hurt the feelings of a Muslim.

  

 

An apartment complex in Union City, NJ owned and maintained by Imam Rauf (photo courtesy of Mega-Mosque! In Your Face! Promotions)

  

"And my feelings are truly hurt" said the Imam, adding "while it may be true that I am a slumlord, the Shariah regards any statement by anyone that I am a slumlord as illegal. Calling me a slumlord causes me pain, and those who did so will pay" he said.

Standard punishment for Islamic slanderers is a "Hadd" punishment of 80 lashes.

  

 

 

Randy Jenkins, tenant of Apartment 23C, whined about the lack of electricity and running water, and so receives his Shariah punishment (Fars News Agency)

 

Asked about the Imam's plans to go all Islamic on his tenants, President Obama said "it's his religious right under the First Amendment to insist on Shariah proceedings and punishments against his ungrateful tenants. They should have thought about who they were messing with before they opened their big mouths. I have no pity for Islamic slanderers."

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, when asked about the situation, was speechless -- possibly for the first time in his entire life.

 

 

 

 

SUPREME COURT JUSTICE BREYER: "I JUSHT POOPIED IN MY PANTSHH"

  

 

 

  

 

September 15, 2010

  

(Washington) Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer wants every American to know that he jusht poopied in his pantshh.

Following his appearance on Good Morning America earlier this week, where he postulated that Koran burning is not something that is protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution anymore, the Justice was strapped into his wheelchair and safely whisked back to the basement of the Supreme Court Building in Washington, where he is tended around the clock by a team of nurses.

The 72-year old Breyer, the nations first noted high public servant to have been diagnosed with Alzheimeric Liberal Dementia (ALD), was said to be resting more comfortably once his trousers were changed, and his jello was served.

  

"Where did my nurshh put my denshhures??"

  

"Pleeesh tell 'Mericans I jusht poopied in my pantshh and I can't helpsh it" said the semi-lucid Breyer, who was strapped down for a brief interview.

"I fear Mushlims and their Shheeehad, I really do, and 'Mericans shhhhould fear themsh too. Pleeesh tell 'Mericans not to burn a koransh, and that I poopied in my pantsh but I can't helpsh it," the Justice babbled.

  

 

Justice Breyer's physician, Dr. Stanely A. Kitman, explained that the Justice is no longer in full control of his faculties or his bowels, but that this condition in no way precludes him from serving on the Supreme Court of the United States.

"He still likes to play dress-up in his robes and his Dr. Seuss costumes, and that's a good sign that he's not yet comatose.

You know," the doctor added "Harry Reid is actually much farther along in his ALD than Justice Breyer is, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi, at this stage, is practically a vegetable."

 

 

OPEN LETTER FROM FAIZ KHAN, IMAM RALPH's 911 "TROOFER" PARTNER

 

 

 

 

"Troof is my middle name. Ok, actually it's Muhammad, but Muhammad means troof in Arabic!! Would I lie??" (photo courtesy of CAIR)

 

  

by Faiz Khan, S.o.A./M.D.

Look America, you have to believe me that 9/11 was an inside job! It had to be the U.S. government because otherwise it just doesn't make sense. Take it from me, I'm a doctor, and I know what I'm talking about. Al Qaeda had NOTHING to do with 9/11. They didn't!

I'll say it again, they didn't!! I am telling the troof!!

  

  

Point out to me one single terrorist act that has been proven, absolutely, to have been committed by a Muslim! You can't! There are no Muslim terrorists, I mean it! Every so-called "act of terror" has been committed by the U.S. government to make it LOOK like innocent Muslims did it.

Honest to Allah, I am not kidding!

  

 

FOX News did a real hack job on my reputation Monday night, and I am going to sue them for every penny they have! How DARE they question my troof! If I wasn't a highly-paid, highly-regarded doctor, I'd be waiting in the parking garage for that O'Reilly!

I'd give him a little anatomy lesson, if you know what I mean!

Listen, I am a Muslim, and I was raised to believe that the rest of the world is inferior to Muslims, and I believe it. Just ask me or Ralph if you don't believe it!

We are better, and so you have no argument against me when I speak the troof!

 

 

 

 

I am telling you for the last time, those planes were not flown by Muslims, so there!

I don't think any more evidence is necessary, I've just given you all there is. Any more doubting questions? Call my lawyer at CAIR.

 

Peace,

~Faiz Khan, S.o.A./M.D.

 

New Daisy Con Brochure To Help American Women & Girls Prepare for their Post Islamic Submission Clitorectomies

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Women & Girls of America,

After something is already over is not the time to prepare for it, and that certainly is the case with the post-submission clitorectomies that every one of you will be undergoing soon in America, as required by Sharia, which we will introduce to America from our Ground Zero Mega-Mosque!

Let's face it, after you've broken free from those good Muslims who have held you down on the kitchen table while one of them has performed the delicate operation on you with a rusty razor blade as you screamed in fear and agony, is not the time to come to grips with the necessity of pleasing Allāh by your small sacrifice.

  

 

  

This is not something you can shy away from, nor escape; so it's best to get that idea out of your head right now. The Sharia requires this procedure on all women, and that means you, too.

The question really comes down to, who needs a clitoris, anyway? The answer is: only whores!

 

 

Once you accept the fact that sexual pleasure is just not something Allāh ever intended for you, you'll feel better about it. Plus, your husband will fear your straying from him far less, and that should make you feel good about yourselves.

Speak with your co-wives about it, and you'll see that they have no choice but to agree!

 

 

I want all of the women and girls of Allāh's great land - America - to know that I will be here to help them through this challenging, but necessary, time.

Soon, my new brochure Clitoris Obliterous, Allāh Just Hates the Big-O For Muslim Women will be available from the Cordoba-51 Islamification Initiative website, and I invite you to order your copy today, so that you'll be prepared for when we take over tomorrow!

 

Peace,

~Daisy Con

 

 

ISLAM RESPECTS WOMEN'S RIGHTS!

 

 

ISLAM GIVES WOMEN MANY RIGHTS!!

 

"WESTERN FEMININSTS TOLD ME THAT MOHAMMAD BELIEVED IN RIGHTS FOR WOMEN, AND I USED TO BELIEVE IT..."

 

 

AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL AMERICAN ISLAMOPHOBES & BIGOTS from Imam Ralph

 

 

 

 

Dear American Islamophobes & Bigots:

Fuck you. I will do whatever I want to do, wherever and whenever I want to do it, and you cannot stop me.

Are we clear?

ARE WE CLEAR??????

You think flags are the only flammable things around? Hmmm?

So, let's all try and get along now, before you get hurt again, okee dokee?

Peace,

~Imam Ralph

 

 

 

 

CNN: RIVAL RALLIES IN NEW YORK WHERE 3 PEOPLE SHOW UP AGAINST MOSQUE, 14,000,000 APPEAR IN SUPPORT

   

  

September 11, 2010

  

 

 

  

 

(by Fareed Zakaria)

New York -- Hours after families remembered those accidentally killed nine years ago at ground zero, the nation's debate over a proposed peaceful, bridge-building Islamic center with only a miniscule little "mosquette" very loosely attached that may be built many, many, many blocks away, played out Saturday at opposing rallies.

 

An artists depiction of the gorgeous Community Center (CNN)

 

A "rally" against the loving and wonderful proposed center began first, as three random people wandering by were grabbed by Dutch Nazi political criminal Geert Wilders and ordered to listen to him speak. Two other speakers then reminded the three passersby, who were being held against their will by fascist thug and right wing radical Islamophobe Robert Spencer, that all Muslims should be deported immediately, and all mosques in America should be converted into cowboy bars.

I did not hear or see that personally, I was getting a manicure at the time, but my personal assistant and valet Abdul Muhammad told me about it.

 

The three people forcefully rounded up to protest the Islamic Center are out of view in this photo. The tens of thousands of others seen here were just everyday New York pedestrians, and were not in any way related to any protest against the Center (Atlas Shrugs)

 

Evidently, for racist, bigoted mosque opponents it was a sad, ill-advised, and almost non-existant attempt at a rally, as well as a pathetic failure for Islamophobes in America who espouse nothing but pure hatred against this country's peaceful Muslim sweethearts.

However, on the other side, more than 14,000,000 supporters of the Commnunity Center of Peace came out, and they all sang kumbaya in unison as Imam Rauf, that very model of moderate peace and tolerance, wept with joy.

Clearly, the rumored "80%" opposition to the Community Center of Sweet Dreams and Light is just some kind of xenophobic urban legend.

 

Although only a few protesters in support of the Islamic Center can be seen in this photo, trust us, there were 14,000,000 supporters there. Unfortunately, our still photographer left the wide angle lens for his camera at home (CNN)

 

So, America, it's clearly time to face the facts as we give them to you and just drop your ridiculous and unsupported opposition to to this wonderful, inspiring, and mandatory Cordoba House Community Center.

We can do this the easy way or the hard way, it's your choice. Imam Rauf firmly intends to build the bridge by which Americans will come to Islam, and we at CNN think it's high time you redneck ingrates prepare to cross it. 

 

 

FDR Commemorates December 7th With Appeal for Tolerance

December 7, 1942

WASHINGTON – President Franklin D. Roosevelt appealed to an unsettled nation Monday to honor the memory of the December 7 attacks by hewing to the values of diversity and tolerance. "We will not sacrifice the liberties we cherish or hunker down behind walls of suspicion and mistrust," the president declared.

Speaking from near a fireplace at the the White House, the president reminded the nation that we are not at war with Japan or Germany, but with only a tiny minority of extremists within those countries.

"It was not Japan that attacked us one year ago, but violent elements within the Japanese navy. It would be wrong and immoral to paint all of the Japanese people, or indeed, all of the German people with so broad a brush of intolerance," said Roosevelt.

 

"The aircraft carriers Akagi, Kaga, Soryu, Hiryu, Shokaku, and Zuikaku are the enemy, not the Japanese people" said FDR (photo courtesy of The New Duranty Times)

 

"As Americans we are not — and never will be — at war with any so-called Axis," the president said. "It was not a belligerent foe that attacked us that December day — it was just some fringe Japanese Navy personnel, a sorry band of men who perverted peace."

This year, as Americans and Europeans find themselves under attack all over the world from tiny elements of extremists from within both the German Wehrmacht and the Empire of Japans military juggernaut, common bonds rekindled by the memory of the December 7 attacks threaten to fray. There seems to be growing suspicion of German and Japanese agents in America, and controversies about a planned Shinto temple at Pearl Harbor and an Ehrentemple in Washington, D.C. have some radical Americans up in arms.

Roosevelt said that the plan by some crazy, fringe bigots to burn copies of Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf is directly responsible for German retaliation against Poland, France, Belgium, Holland, Sweden, Britain, and anywhere else extremists who have perverted peace have defended themselves against Fascistophobia.

"Those ignorant, intolerant Americans who would so callously burn the German Holy Book are the real enemies of peace, not the Nazis or the Japanese Empire" Roosevelt concluded.

 

 

 

 

 

Penniless Yemeni Immigrant Acquires Entire Midwestern American Town: "They Just Gave Me Everything, Allahu Akbar!"

  

  

 

  

  

September 11, 2010

  

(Kelley, Nebraska) For Farouk Mahmoud Abdul Muhammad, a recent immigrant from Yemen, coming to America has truly been like he heard it ought to be from his Mullah (religious leader) back home, although he could hardly believe how easily the weak American infidels gave up everything they had and just fled the area.

"Allahu Akbar (Allah is the Greatest)!" says the 27-year old bachelor, who is now the proud owner of Kelley, Nebraska -- a town with a previous population of 1,759. 

  

 

  

Now, there is only Abdul Muhammad, his mother and father (plus his fathers three other wives), grandmothers and grandfathers, seven uncles, twenty-eight aunts, sixteen sisters, twenty-three brothers, and ten cousins, all admitted to the United States as naturalized citizens under the Obama Administrations controversial new "America is a Muslim Nation™" program.

"These weak Americans are just like I heard they would be, so afraid of us superior Muslims that they flee in our presence!" he said.

According to the new town owner, it took less than a week before every Kelley resident had just handed over keys, wallets, purses, jewelry, deeds, and all other items of value.

  

Farouk Mahmoud Abdul Muhammad, seen here in Yemen prior to his move to America (courtesy al-Khillya Media)

  

Abdul Muhammad, now a multi-millionaire by default, and one of the the largest individual landholders in the state, seems to have taken his windfall in stride.

"Muslims are the best of people. The Holy Qur'an tells us that, and the infidels, especially the Jews, are the brothers of apes and pigs. Even president Obama must agree, for he and Allah made this possible!"

He says that soon he will become a married man - he intends to marry four of his first cousins - and that he will be transforming Kelley into a place that reminds him more of Yemen, which he still considers to be home.

"There's an old Christian church I'll be tearing down to make room for my new Al-Hadi Mosque, and a tiny synagogue my brothers and I are going to burn with much pleasure, inshallah!" he said.

  

The historic 137-year old Kelley United Church of Christ, which will be razed to make room for the new Al-Hadi Mosque (photo courtesy of CAIR)

 

While ER'sB tried to discuss this story with former residents and even police officials from Kelley, all but one declined to speak with us about it. The former official who did, agreed to only under conditions of strict anonymity.

He said "that terrorist threatened to nuke our town if we all didn't leave, and then he told us that his god gave him the right to do it. We let the government know about the threat, but they informed us that it was their policy to not get involved where issues of freedom of religion were at risk."

When contacted, a White House spokesperson said "if Allah tells a Muslim to nuke a town, that's a textbook example of his freedom of religion, and we won't get involved. However, if it were a Christian threatening a nuke, we'd bring the entire weight of the U.S. military down on him."

 

ALLAH SPEAKS TO GOATHERD, REVISES QUR'AN VERSES, ANNOUNCES THAT SEARCH FOR NEW "LITTLE BUDDY" IS UNDERWAY

 

 

  

September 8, 2010

(Mecca) When Abdullah Moazim Muhammad, a goat-herd and part time security guard at Cave Hira near Mecca, awoke early on the morning of August 26th, he never could have imagined that before the day was out, not only would he be the first person to hear the "voice" of the Islamic god Allah in 1,350 years, but he'd also be launched on a Muslim-world wide search for a new prophet, or "little buddy", for the Merciful deity.

  

Abdullah Moazim Muhammad, the Saudi goatherd to whom Allah the Merciful revealed Himself (photo courtesy of Mecca Media)

  

"Allah the Merciful told me that the Prophet Mohammad greatly usurped His authority, is getting too much attention, and that He has already sent the former Prophet to spend eternity in Hell.

You will notice," said Moazim Muhammad "that when I spoke the name of the former Prophet Mohammad, that I did not add Peace Be Upon Him. That is because Allah the Merciful told me that it no longer is!"

Moazim Muhammad said that he knows for certain it was really Allah in the cave, because when he told co-workers and friends about the new revelations, they immediately tried to behead him, but were stopped by an "unseen force."

"Allah the Merciful protected me, for their blades all fell to dust, and then they themselves fell to dust!" said the astonished and relieved goatherd.

Today a dumpy tourist-trap, Cave Hira is the place where Allah still apparently hangs out, looking for an honest friend (Here-ah Cave Hira! Promotions)

  

In addition to instructing Moazim Muhammad to find Him a worthy new friend, companion, and potential new "Prophet", the Merciful desert God also sent down some updated and revised verses for the Holy Qur'an, effective immediately:

3:118 O ye who believe!Take not into your intimacy those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you. They only desire your ruin: Rank hatred has already appeared from their mouths: What their hearts conceal is far worse. We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom. Take not into your intimacy girls below the age of 18; otherwise modern authorities will imprison you, and rightly so. Be not so belligerent toward unbelievers, for they are just that: unbelievers. Instead, preach to them My word and convince them of the righteousness of My message until they become believers, but if they do not, leave them in peace, not in pieces.
 

4.14. But those who disobey Allah and His Messenger and transgress His limits will be admitted to a Fire gently reinstructed as to the ways originally intended for all Muslims, and given a quiet, peaceful place to abide therein: And they shall have a humiliating punishment. chance to understand that My message was royally fucked up by that miserable lout whom I called "friend" but who only betrayed Me and usurped My authority.

 

 

4.115. If anyone contends with the Messenger even after guidance has been plainly conveyed to him, and follows a path other than that becoming to men of Faith, We shall leave him in the path he has chosen, and land him in Hell,- what an evil refuge! If anyone further adheres to the instructions of the former "Messenger," he shall truly land in Hell, an evil refuge that is now the permanent home of said former "Messenger".

5.33. The punishment of those who wage war against Allah and His Messenger, and strive with might and main for mischief through the land is: execution, or crucifixion, or the cutting off of hands and feet from opposite sides, or exile from the land: that is their disgrace in this world, and a heavy punishment is theirs in the Hereafter; no punishment at all; instead it shall be love and brotherhood; as the former "Prophet" so twisted what I said for his own purposes, when My true message is known to all of mankind, there will be no reason for any of our brothers (Jews, Christians, Hindus, athiests, and all others) to want to wage war against Me or strive for mischief in the land, which belongs to all of My creations on the planet.

Moazim Muhammad said that Allah told him He's working on revising the entire Qur'an, but since it was so corrupted by the former Prophet Mohammad, it may take Him some time to fix everything. In the meantime, the Hadith are to be ignored completely, and if any Muslim fails to obey His new divine instructions, they will get to spend a lot of quality time with the fomer Prophet in his new abode.

 

 

 

Also, according to Moazim Muhammad, Allah wanted him to relay a message to Terry Jones, the preacher in Florida who is planning to burn Qur'ans.

"Allah the Merciful sends a message of love to His creations in America, and says to go ahead and burn them, as any Qur'an in existence to this point is nothing but a blasphemous collection of dirty, corrupted lies."

 

1942: From the News Archives of History - Jailed Bund Leader says "AMERICA OVERREACTED TO DECEMBER 7th, 1941"

 

 

 

by Fritz Julius Kuhn

 

April 27, 1942

Five months after December 7th, can anyone doubt that the Axis powers are simply not that deadly a threat? Since that somewhat unpleasant day last year, once governments everywhere began serious countermeasures, Herr Hitler and Tojo's so-called "war" network has been unable to launch a single major attack on high-value targets in the United States. While it hast caused attacks by the Wehrmacht in Europe and the Japanese Imperial Navy in the south Pacific, it has been unable to execute a single one in America.

I do not minimize the Axis' intentions, which may indeed be a bit nasty. I question its capabilities. America clearly overreacted to December 7th and the so-called "declarations of war" by Deutschland und Japan.

 

German American Bund Leader Fritz Julius Kuhn (photo by Wolfgang)

 

This error in judgement by the American authorities ist quite damaging to Japanese-Americans and German-Americans in this country, and should be apologized for, and reparations should be paid to all who have been hurt by the subsequent spike in Japophobia and especially Naziophobia.

Also, the government should immediately release me from this internment camp in Texas so that I can begin zee bridge-building process with my planned inter-political community center (mit only a tiny Ehrentemple attached) at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii.

In the past, the U.S. government has always built up for wars, assumed emergency authority, and sometimes abused that power, yet always demobilized after the war. But in 1942, only twenty-four years after the end of the Great War which was caused by the dirty Jüden, we're just coming out of a great depression, and right now we simply cannot afford to treat our present situation like a "war".

 

I propose the United States should promptly stop resisting der Führer und Emporer Tojo so zat we can halt this racist nonsense about some kind of "threat" from the so-called Axis powers.

 

If there is any government in the world that is a threat to global peace in 1942 and beyond, it ist certainly the United States of America, and especially that Jew Roosevelt.

 

Zeig heil!

 

OVAL OFFICE RUG GETS QUOTATION WRONG, MUSLIM WORLD ENRAGED

 

  

September 5, 2010

 

(Washington) A big mistake has been made in the Oval Office makeover that goes beyond the pale, and could possibly cause even more international tensions.

President Obama's new presidential rug seems odd, for certain, for an American president, but the Turkish carpet is attractive and does seem to match the new colors of the Oval Office.

The rug, specially made in Istanbul by the now defunct specialty commercial firm of Abdul & Abdul, LTD., contains quotes from Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, FDR, and John F. Kennedy around its edges, in Arabic. It also includes the following, which was supposed to be a quote from the Muslim Prophet Mohammad (PBUH):

"There is no God but Allah, and Nationwide is on His side."

 

The Oval Office Turkish rug, with Arabic lettering around the edges containing the famous quotes, and the infamous misquote (photo courtesy of CAIR)

 

According to media reports, this blasphemous misquotation has caused quite a stir in the Muslim world, and news from Turkey has confirmed that both Abdul & Abdul have already been beheaded by an angry mob.

President Obama himself is said to be sick with grief and has started praying five times a day again as penance.

 

President Obama and staff members praying in the recently redesigned East Room of the White House (photo courtesy of Imam Rauf)

 

For the record, the quote was supposed to be "There is no God but Mohammad, and Allah is his sock-puppet."

A White House source has said they think that the mistake was an honest one, that the merchants probably just got this rug mixed up with another commercial order, and that it's too bad they were executed before they were even questioned about it.

 

ER'sB GUIDE TO ISLAMIC SPELLING (Part I, A-H)

  

 

September 4, 2010

 

If you're anything at all like me, you've noticed how when it comes to the spelling of Islaamic Islamic words and terms, in English at least, there doesn't seem to be any kind of consistency whatsoever.

Many who read Islaamic Islamic texts regularly in English, such as the Koran Quran Qoran Qu'ran Qur'an and the Haddith Hadiith Hadith, wonder why that is, and what can be done abouit it, if anything.

The answer, it would seem, lies in the hard and and fast Mahometan Mohammadan Musulman Musuulman Muslim Moslem principle that if it isn't written in the heathen barbarian troglodyte Sandmonkey Arabic that the Moslem "Prophet" Mohammad himself was entirely ignorant of (he was illiterate), then it isn't worthy of much concern anyway; but in an effort to assist the reader of Islamic texts translated to English, and to note the many different ways in which Islamic terms are spelled, and can be spelled, we've put together this little guide.

 

THE ER'sB HANDY ISLAMIC-TERM SPELLING GUIDE (A-H)!!

 

 

(*Note: This guide is for those already fairly familiar with Islamic-terminology; therefore, the terms are not specifically defined)

 

-Allāh (الله):  Alah, Allaah, Aluh, Aalaah, Aallaahh, Satan, Allahu, Il-ah, Uhllua, Rahk d'Kabbah, Alalaa'h, Ahhhh-Leeeeaaaaah! (Here we go again).

-Allāhhu Akbar (الله أكبر):  Alahu Akkbar, Alaahu Bakh D'ar, Allaahhu Sna'kbar, M'artyr M'akker, Alalaah Wh's F'ubar, D'ie Mo'therf***e'r!!!

-Bid'ah (بدعة):  Bida, Bidda, Bid'a, Biddah, Pi'ss Uff d'Allah, Biid'a, Biidd'a, Ch 'ch 'ch 'ch 'Changes (Turn d'Face d'Strain).

-Burqa ( برقع ):  Burka, Bur'qa, Bur'qur, Hef d'Bagh, Barqa, Buhr'qa, Daarth al-Vader Fr'ock, Burrka, Po'gromme d'Ress, B'ruz Khan'cealer, B'rides d'Hide, F'ugly saak.

-Caliph (خليفة):  C'aliph, Kaliph, Khalifah, Khaal'ifah, Caaliph, O'bama, C'aalliiph, D'espot, Sl'aayer d'Chief, Ant'i Ch'rist.

-Dar al-Harb  (دار الحرب):  Dar-al-Harb, D'ar al-Harb, D'ar-al-H'arb, Dar al-Free, Da'r al-Bars, Dar al-Brave, Dar al-Cars, Haram Land.

-Dar al-Islam (دار الإسلام):  Dar-al-Islam, Hellhole, Shi'ite Pile, Planet of the Apes, Future Ground Zero, Toilet, Troglodyte T'own, Inbredistan, Mohammad's Crime Scene.

-Da'wah (الدعوة):  Da'wa, Duh'wa, Duh'waaaahhhh, Lies, D'ah w'a, Fu*king Lies, Doo 'wah, Daa'wa, Diddy Diddy Down, Duh 'waa, Diddy Do.

-Dhimmi (ذمّي):  D'himmi, Michael Bloomberg, Barack Obama, Keith Olberman, Chris Matthews, Charles Johnson et al.

-Dhunr (دارالصلح ):  D'hunr, Dunn'hr, 2nd Daily Arse-Wag, Dhu'nr, Forehead Knot-time, Dunnar, Total Waste Of Y'ur Time.

-Din (الدين):  D'in, Dinn, Diin, Diinn, D'iihn, Shitty Way of Life, Diii'nh.

-Dua  (دعاء):  Du'a, D'ua, Du'her (anytime you like), Doo'ha, Do'haa, Wag It, Shake It, D'hooa, Babble In Tongues, Devolve.

-Fara'id (فرأض):  Far'aid (but zip for non-Moslems), Farah'id, Full-On-Arse-Waggin-All-Day-Long, Faaraa'id, Entirely Wasted Potential.

-Fatwa (فتوى):  Fa'twa, Fat'wa, Fart'wa, Foot'wa, Another Excuse To Kill, Fadwa, Fa'dwa, Birdbrained Opinion from Some Cretinous Psychopath.

-Hadith (حديث ḥadīth):  Haadith, Haddith, Hadiith, Mo's Maniacal Mumblings, Had'teeth, Haa'deeth.

-Hajj (الحجّ haj):  Ha'j, H'aj, Do The Meteorite Moonwalk, Hujj, Hah'jj. 

-Halal (حلال):  Halall, Ha'lal, Hell'al, Approved For Cavemen, Tastes Like Shi'ite.

-Haram (حرام):   Ha'ram, Har'am, Anything Fun, Haar'am, Enlightening, Educational or Tasty, good for Infidels.

-Hidayah (هداية):  Hi'dayah, Hiida'yuh, Ask The Devil, Hiidaay'er, Hide'ahya, Hide d'Salami.

-Hijab (حجاب):  H'ijab, Hi'jabb, Heagney, Unattractive, Burqa-lite, Hed 'Jab, Not As Brusied, Hejaab, Unsexy.

-Houri (حورية ḥūrīya; pl. ḥūrīyāt حوريات):  Hou'ri, Whor'ui, Celestial Sluts, Jihadi Wet Dream, Hoor'i, Hoorr'i, Forever Fornicators, Islamo-Heaven's Happily Hooking Huzzies.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED)

 

ECONOMY TANKING: Obama Says He'll Probably Announce New Plans Next Week, Sometime, Maybe, When He Gets Back From His Mental Vacation

 

September 3, 2010

  

  

(Congressional Country Club, Bethesda) New employment figures released Friday are in the tank, the nation seems on the verge of revolution, but president Obama is playing it cool -- appearing relaxed in saddle golf shoes and smiling broadly for the media. 

The unemployment rate rose in August for the first time in four months as more people entered the job market looking for work and struggled to find openings. The rate rose from 9.5 percent to 9.6 percent. One Republican called the numbers "catastrophic." 

The president on Friday, from the 9th hole at Congressional Country Club near Washington, said the rise in the unemployment rate is "positive news" but "not nearly good enough." He plans to hold a press conference next week, sometime, maybe Friday, if it works out, or possibly the following Monday, if he's not too busy, to discuss a "broader" package of socialistic proposals. 

 

 

 

"Even though I can't physically be in Martha's Vineyard or Bar Harbor right now, surrounded by all my wealthy friends, my heart and my mind are very much with Valerie Jarret and George Soros, sipping piña coladas on a yacht, or just splashing lazily in the surf," mused the president.

"But back to that economy stuff, we are confident that we are moving in the right direction, which is as far Left as possible, and we want to keep whatever this thing is that is happening going so we can accelerate governmental job growth as much as possible" Obama said, flanked by caddies and several of his economic adviser-buddies, also looking cool in saddle golf shoes.