ER'sB !

SURPRISE: MUSLIM AMERICANS' RELIGIOUS IQ's EXTREMELY LOW

  

  

  

DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT RELIGION? ESPECIALLY THE INFIDEL KINDS? YOU'RE NOT ALONE, ABDUL AND FATIMA!

 

Odds are that you don't know Mother Teresa was Catholic, and what religion is the Dalai Lama?

Odds are, you've never heard of Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama.

How about Maimonides? Yeah, right!

  

  

And - no Googling - what's the first book of the Bible? How about the first four books of the New Testament?

What's a Bible and New Testimony...what?!?

Muslim Americans who can't answer any of these questions are everywhere, a huge new study has found.

In fact, although the United States is -- according to president Obama -- one of the largest Muslim countries in the world, most Muslim Americans scored .02 percent or less on a quiz measuring knowledge of the Bible, world religions and what the Constitution says about religion in public life.

 

 

What is a Constitution? OH! That filthy man-made document that needs to be replaced with Shariah ASAP!

The survey is full of very unsurprising findings.

For example, it's not only Hanafi or Shi'a Muslims who scored poorly on questions about Christianity, it's also fresh-off-the-jumbo-jet Sunni Somali jihadists.

 

 

It's not just Bible-belt Afghan colonizers who scored abysmally on queries about Protestants, it's also the Cleveland (Pakistani) men with the terror plots that are ready to hatch.

Those who believe the Koran is the literal word of a desert moon-god are universal. 

Barely 2% of all Yemeni-Americans know that they shouldn't wipe their ass with their left hand.

 

 

And only about one in 100 know that a public school teacher should not be beheaded just because she "blasphemed" something. 

The Pepé Le Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life is behind the 32-question quiz, polling more than 3,400 Muslim Americans by telephone to gauge the depth of the Muslim's religious knowledge.

Quote from surveyor: "This study was a complete waste of time."

 

 

The overall attitude of Muslim Americans: "If it isn't in the Koran, it's not worth knowing."

 

SUPREME COURT JUSTICE BREYER: "I JUSHT POOPIED IN MY PANTSHH"

  

 

 

  

 

September 15, 2010

  

(Washington) Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer wants every American to know that he jusht poopied in his pantshh.

Following his appearance on Good Morning America earlier this week, where he postulated that Koran burning is not something that is protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution anymore, the Justice was strapped into his wheelchair and safely whisked back to the basement of the Supreme Court Building in Washington, where he is tended around the clock by a team of nurses.

The 72-year old Breyer, the nations first noted high public servant to have been diagnosed with Alzheimeric Liberal Dementia (ALD), was said to be resting more comfortably once his trousers were changed, and his jello was served.

  

"Where did my nurshh put my denshhures??"

  

"Pleeesh tell 'Mericans I jusht poopied in my pantshh and I can't helpsh it" said the semi-lucid Breyer, who was strapped down for a brief interview.

"I fear Mushlims and their Shheeehad, I really do, and 'Mericans shhhhould fear themsh too. Pleeesh tell 'Mericans not to burn a koransh, and that I poopied in my pantsh but I can't helpsh it," the Justice babbled.

  

 

Justice Breyer's physician, Dr. Stanely A. Kitman, explained that the Justice is no longer in full control of his faculties or his bowels, but that this condition in no way precludes him from serving on the Supreme Court of the United States.

"He still likes to play dress-up in his robes and his Dr. Seuss costumes, and that's a good sign that he's not yet comatose.

You know," the doctor added "Harry Reid is actually much farther along in his ALD than Justice Breyer is, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi, at this stage, is practically a vegetable."

 

 

JUST ANNOUNCED: 1ST ANNUAL "POO-POO ON A QU-QU" DAY!

   

 

  

August 20, 2010

(Washington) Much to the chagrin of the embattled president, the Speaker of the House, all the Libtards on the Left, as well as most Mo-Mo worshipers (Mu-Mu's) in America, the 1st annual "Poo-Poo on a Qu-Qu" day has just been announced!

In stark contrast to the outrage surrounding the plan by the Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Florida to burn Qu-Qu's on September 11th to protest the violent, racist, misogynistic, alien, fascistic, fatalistic, paedophilic, paederastic, unfantastic, non-supercalifragilistic and downright nasty-ass and decidedly un-expialidocious ideology of the Mu-Mu's, this popular new protest actually has the support of the "green" oriented recycling movement in the U.S., as well as the enthusiastic backing of the farming-fertilization division of the Department of Agriculture.

 

 

(Note: For some, depending on spelling preference, this event can also be promoted as "Poo-Poo on a Koo-Koo" day; however, anyone promoting it as "Poo-Poo on a Qoo-Qoo" Day is clearly an ignorant apostate from the cause, and will be immediately Ki-Ki'd).

 

Ed "Greenhouse" Brown, spokesman for the Assistant to the Assistant Secretary of the Undersecretary's Assistant Legal Secretary of the USDA, could barely contain his excrement excitement.

"Not only do Americans get to protest the Mu-Mu's for all the evil crap that's in their Qu-Qu's, they also help to bring awareness to the necessity of recycling the millions of Qu-Qu's that have been dropped on us by the Saudis. The U.S. really needs to clear out some inventory, and these patriotic Americans can doo-doo it in a way that benefits American farmers and their arable lands. It's just fantastic all 'round!"

 

This Qu-Qu (or Koo-Koo) will be just one of the millions that will help American farmers (photo courtesy of Saudi Qu-Qu's Everywhere, Worldwide, in Your Face!)

Arable land that will benefit from the "Poo-Poo on a Qu-Qu" Day promotion (photo courtesy of O.W. Douglas Media)

 

"Poo-Poo on a Qu-Qu" Day is set for September 31st at any American farm near you. Qu-Qu's will be available at all locations, but feel free to bring one if you happen to unfortunately own it -- no que-que's asked -- and would like to donate it to the cause of future-fresh and tasty produce.

**JUST ANNOUNCED**

A vast series of all-you-can-eat "Fuel for Patriots" night-before banquets will be held in most rural ares in the continental United States!!

Check the website for dinner details and pre-register at ReleaseTheBeasts.com. Sign up by September 15th and you'll receive 20% off your "Fuel for Patriots" feast!

 

ER'sB asks: Fa-Fa?

 

NEW FEATURE! "Ask A Semi-Literate Musulman" (Installment II)

 

"Ask A Semi-Literate Musulman" is an exciting new feature that will appear weekly on Eleanor Ruth's Blog!  Viewers are invited to send in their questions -- on any topic -- and heck, we may just select yours to be answered personally (if not at all intelligibly) by our staff "Semi-Literate Musulman!"

 

Semi-Literate Musulman, shown here (second row, sixth from the left), welcomes all of your questions! (courtesy SLM Media)

 

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

I just found-out that there's a mosque going up directly across the street from my 6 year-old daughter's elementary school. Should I be concerned?

Thanks!

Abe in Lincoln

-------------------------

Deer Abb on Likkin hate,

Yuo shuld bethan so axited than moske going be upthan neer yuo litle daughtry skool! Yuo shold not bee than cuncernd at al! Why wold yuo thinked it wold bethan problum? Wii have many Immum who will take care of yuosexee lytle daughtry!  In thanIsmal, if she be 6 yeer old, she be eleguhbul for ungagment and than ate 9, she can than mary one of are Immum, evun!  Jus lyke are Porphort!

From the hadith of Bukhari, volume 5, #234

"Narrated Aisha: The prophet engaged me when I was a girl of six...my mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me...I was breathless then...She said "Best wishes and Allah's blessing and good luck" as she prepared me (for the marriage). Unexpectedly Allah's messenger came in the forenoon and my mother handed me over to him, and at that time I was a girl of nine years of age."

Werenot than wunnerfil storie Ab? Thinked aboat how axcited are Grate Prophort Mohamsandhand (TDTM) must have be when he see lytle 9 yeer old Arisha with knowthan pants be on!  An how axcited she most have ben to, dispite than fakt than she be screemed in Arbic for she vary lyfe.

This litel gurl proly look likethan Arseha at yuong age, cryed from joy aftur than marryage too are Grated Prophort!

 

Do not yuo wanted yuor daughtry too ecksperense than joy of than Ilsam mens marryig, Ab in Likko hate?

 

Thanaks far writ!

SLM

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

I am a traveling salesman, and sometimes after long hours on the road I need to answer the "call of nature" but there isn't always a gas station or rest stop around. Do you think it's okay to use a bush, especially when it's an emergency?

Thanks!

Harry, in Cleveland

-------------------------

Deer hairy Hate on Cleev,

Funy yuo shuld than sent a quesin abuot than, I war jest read in than hadteeth aboat than grated Propet Muhamhead (IWSN) when he had releeved histhan "cal too natrual." Hear is what I were read:

“Narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar: People say, "Whenever you sit for answering the call of nature, you should not face the Qibla or Baitul−Maqdis (Jerusalem)." I told them. "Once I went up the roof of our house and I saw Allah's Apostle answering the call of nature while sitting on two bricks facing Baitul−Maqdis (Jerusalem”) (Bukhari: 1.4.147).

I wood say than, Hair hater inn clove, try too notuse than busch, trytoo use than briks lyke are Porophet do do. An donot fargot too face thanJoosulums.

 

 

Yuo taked cair!

SLM

 

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

I think I have a real problem. I hate everything and everyone now.  I hate my parents and they hate me too.  I am now so anrgy all the time I feel like I'm going to explode!  I want to attack people I used to like, and and take revenge on them for all the wrongs they've done on me. I want to feel the blinding sweet release of all of my rage and fury and I want everyone to notice that I am IMPORTANT while I MAKE THEM SUFFER TERRIBLE AGONIES FOR ALL ETERNITY!! 

HELP!

Michael, in Detroit

--------------------------

Deer Bruther,

Hang in their! Weak to of than "Interducton to Ilsam" shuld be evun more fun for yuo!

 

Slamaaam than,

SLM

 

 

NEW FEATURE! "Ask A Semi-Literate Musulman" (Installment I)

"Ask A Semi-Literate Musulman" is an exciting new feature that will appear weekly on Eleanor Ruth's Blog!  Viewers are invited to send in their questions -- on any topic -- and heck, we may just select yours to be answered personally (if not at all intelligibly) by our staff "Semi-Literate Musulman!"

 

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

I am a young American girl and I'm confused about Islam. My little friends tell me it's
a "Religion of Peace™" but I'm not so sure. It seems to be really, really violent. Can you
clear this up for me?

Thanks!
Becky in Atlanta
-------------------------

Deer bucky in atlandtar, hater:

Islma is thanpeiecful religon. DOnot let yuor litel frends tell yuo that it isnot! As faar ass violets, al religons are violet, borky, cept than for Imsal.  Fore asample, Protantion and Carthority fight wars for .300 yeers in Yorp whale Ilsam was just peice.  An ware didthan piece come from?  It were installed by are grate propet Muhamhand (PTSD). Hear is a too wondarfil shert storys about him thanI think be aporpriate for a yuong girl lyke yuo:

“Narrated `Aisha: The Prophet and I used to take a bath from a single pot. During the menses,
he used to order me to put on an Izar (dress worn below the waist) and used to fondle me”
(Bukhari: 1.6.298)

“Muhammad put his cheek and chest in between the naked thighs of a menstruating Aisha...” (Sunaan Abu Dawud, 1.0270)

As yuo can see, bocky hate, are profit Muhamhead (FDIC) was a wonderfill man who lovd litle girls lyke yuo! Plese try too be lyke litle Asisha and fynde an old derty mens for yuorslef.

Thank fro writin,

SLM

************************************************************

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

What sort of fertilizer would you recommend I use in my garden if I want to grow great tomatoes?

Thanks!
John in London

-------------------------

Johna hater londo,

Funy yuo shuld arsk that than, I was just thought about how thanArabic land were a fertile ground forthan new religoon, Ismal, in 326 (DA).  It were a new religoon to bee bourne.  Muhamhead (NTSB) were deeply influenzed by than land.  He new he need to fertalize than land or he wood havethan big touble.  So he waterd thanland with than bloody infuduls. Than he war abel too grow grate tomates.

Try bloddy infiduels, jhon hater loondan, try them than and tomtaose shuld grew grate!

Sierencly,

SLM

************************************************************

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

Do you think the President is Muslim? I hear Islam is a peaceful faith, so if he is, even if he swears he is not, then that would still be a good thing, right?

Thanks!

George in Washington

-------------------------

Deer Grgeoge warshin hater:

A corse it be thangood think!  If thanArbic peeple hav molism pressuredent he can undertstan we mosliem needs and given to us al we dumand. And we duhmend a loot!  And, he canthan lye with imnunity.  Here arethan woord of are grate Profeit Muhamsteakhanded (AFLCIO):

“Allah willing, if ever I take an oath to do something, and later on I find that it is more beneficial
to do something different, I will do the thing which is better, and give expiation for my oath”.
(Bukhari: 4.53.361).

See than? It shuld all be so cleer too yuo now Gogoreg wurshin hater mens, that than pressuredent -- if mausoleum -- can than say enythink he want too an bee Ullah fargived.

Thnk for wrtnint,

SLM