ER'sB !

Hallmark Introduces New "Playable Jew Card™" Series To Help Combat Anti-Semitism Against Muslims

  

  

  

  

September, 24, 2010

 

Hallmark Cards, in an attempt to help stamp out Islamophobia, will be introducing a new line of greetings called the Playable Jew Card™ series for Muslims.

 Roger Kitman, CEO of Hallmark, said he got the idea originally when he heard the phrase "Muslims playing the Jew card" on TV, although he admits that he has no idea what they were referring to specifically, except that it had something to do with the fight against anti-Muslim bigotry.

"That started the ball rolling. I thought, what a neat thing, what a neat idea it would be for Muslims to perhaps fight the anti-semitism against them by means of a Playable Jew Card™.

 It's got a great ring to it!" said Kitman.  

  

   

  

"So I gave the Playable Jew Card™ idea over to our product development team in the Dearborn, Michigan Division, and the Award-winning Creative Team came up with some really fantastic ideas for it.

I've never seen a team of young people so excited about a project before!"

Asked if the idea of a Playable Jew Card™ might actually be considered anti-Jewish by some, Kitman was dismissive. 

 

Several members of Hallmark's Award-winning Creative Team in the Dearborn, Michigan Division (photo by Abdul)  

 

"Muslims are the ones who are getting the brunt of racism, anti-semitism and that horrible Islampohobia these days, and the Jews, of all people, can understand, I'm sure, that we all need to do whatever we can to alleviate some of the burden on them in whatever way we can. If it's by something as innocuous as sending a Playable Jew Card™ to friends, relatives or even to Jewish colleagues or neighbors, then that's what they should be able to do."

With a selection of approximately a thousand different cards with various printed inspirational messages -- including a recording chip with up to three minutes of time for the sender to record a personalized greeting -- Hallmark hopes the effort will be a big success in the Islamic community.  

  

 

 

  

  

"There's really no need to worry about backlash from Jews these days," said Kitman with a laugh.

"As you know, the Muslims are the new Jews in the 21st century, and I got that directly from our Dearborn Division leader, Ahmed Khalifi-Mohammad. As a successful Muslim of Palestinian origin, he ought to know what he's talking about when it comes to Jews" he added. 

The Playable Jew Card™ will be available for sale in Hallmark stores on November 15th.  

 

  

ER'sB IS PROUD TO SAY:

 

"Hey LibbyLeftard, I just wanted to tell you your analysis of the illegitimacy of Israel is spot on!" by FuzzieKittens, HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR

 

 

 

 

Hey "LibbyLeftard!" 

How's it going? As a HUFFPOST SUPER USER with 477 Fans, I know that you understand how important it is for us to pound our message about Israel home as relentlessly as possible, and I just wanted to send you this little note, off the boards, to let you know how much I appreciate all your efforts!

That analysis you posted 4 hours ago (1:07AM) on the illegitimacy of Israel was so spot on that I nearly jumped for joy! Bravo! Bravo!!!

As a former HUFFPOST SUPER USER with 1,123 Fans myself (before I assumed a HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR position with 1,265 Fans), I know how difficult it can be to keep on top of all those Islamophobes who claim that Islam is bad and evil when it's the Muslims who are always being victimized by the dirty Jews!

You and I understand it's always the filthy, stinking Zionist Jews who are to blame for it all!! How stupid do they think we are?!

 

 

"FuzzieKittens" avatar ( greatly enlarged image)

 

I also know how hard it is to maintain that tough-as-nails "I-know-everything-and-you-know-shit" attitude with most of the commenters (especially new ones) who show up on HuffPost these days.

But I also know how important it is to smash down their thoughts, ideas and opinions as quickly as they type them, so that we can at least keep some semblance of "peace" and order in our HuffPost Community.

Whoa! Looks like I have to run now because a comment just popped up on the board that says that "Israel has the right to protect itself!!" OMG!!!!!

The nerve of some morons!!

I am so going to mock this asshole with unadulterated and vitriolic contempt!!  I am going to make this prick feel so utterly worthless, ignorant, racist, bigoted and Islamophobic that he'll wish he'd never, EVER even DARED post a comment here on HUFFPOST!!!

See ya!

~FuzzieKittens

 

 

"FuzzieKittens" at home, with her HuffPost supplied computer in the background (courtesy of Shariah Enclaves of America Inc.)

 

PA's Abbas: "Our Prophet Once Flew to Jerusalem On a Magic Donkey, in a Dream, So That Makes All of Israel Ours!"

 

August 31, 2010 

RAMALLAH, West Bank — Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas warned Tuesday that while the PA will continue the charade of of sorta desiring peace talks with Israel, they have no intention of ever settling. 

The negotiations-for-show-purposes-only are set to resume this week with a gala summit meeting in Washington after months of American mediation efforts spearheaded by Barack Obama, who is best known as the worlds most prominent spokesman for Islam.

  

 

  

Abbas did, however, encourage the Israelis to continue building expensive houses and adding pricey amenities such as central air conditioning and swimming pools, noting that when Allah's soldiers take over all of Israel, he wants them to have as much luxury as the filthy Jews can afford to leave behind.

"Jews won't need swimming pools when we give them the sea" he said.

Ironically, Israelis themselves are divided over the settlements in the West Bank, but Abbas was dismissive of any claims, by Israelis, to anything whatsoever in Israel. He proclaimed:

"Our great Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) once flew to Jerusalem on a magic donkey, in a dream, so that makes all of Israel ours!"

 Laughter immediately erupted in the pressroom, but when Abbas failed to smile after the punchline, those present realized that he was not joking.

 

It's a laugh a minute with straight-faced funny man Mahmoud Abbas of the Looneytunes Guild "Palestinian Authority" (photo courtesy of the TV show Shi'ite Tonight!)

  

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, when told of the statement, said "last night I dreamt that Megan Fox came to my office and gave me a lap dance. Should that mean I now have the right to demand that she actually come to my office and give me a lap dance?!"

  

 

 Lap dance? Dream on (EW)

  

"Abbas is a ridiculous mental midget who actually represents something much closer to the Looneytoons Guild than any kind of serious government" the Israeli Prime Minister growled.

  

 

  

AT ER'sB, WE ARE PROUD TO SAY:

 

ISRAELI PM SAYS "IRAN IS TOAST" (ER'sB "Headlines we'd REALLY Love to see" Series)

June 12, 2010

In a stunning turnaround today that shocked the entire world, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu called a surprise news conference at which he utterly redefined the showdown with the Islamic Republic of Iran and its infamous President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

"Let me start by saying today that the Islamo-fascist regime in Iran is going to be toast. Beginning today, we are moving militarily to eliminate the government of Iran, from top to bottom."

These remarks by the Prime Minister were received by those in the press room with a mix of startled gasps and muffled exclamations.

 

"I am going to completely fuck you up you lying fascist Muslim scum!" the Israeli PM screamed at one point directly into the news camera. No one present had any doubt as to whom the statement was intended for (AP)

 

"Let me assure you that I did indeed say, and meant, that when I am through with them, Iran's government will be toast and old Mahmoud will be carbonized beyond anyones ability to recognize him, save for perhaps his dentist.

Ever see the photos of Josef Goebbels when they found him? Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. It'll actually be an improvement in his looks."

 

Nazi Josef Goebbels, carbonized. "It'll actually be an improvement in his looks" said the Israeli PM, who promised the same end result for Iran's Ahmadinejad (courtesy SS Promotions Ltd.)

 

The Prime Minister then spelled it out even more clearly for the seemingly uncomprehending reporters:

"T-O-A-S-T spells toast, and it also spells the Islamic Republic of Iran." A few reporters snickered, but the Prime Minister was clearly not in a joking mood. He said "You think that's funny? Let me tell you something funny. Six million Jews dead in the Holocaust, and here we have the President of Iran making threats about it constantly, saying he's going to perpetrate another Holocaust upon all the Jews of Israel 'at any time now,' and that's only the second time he's said it today.

Believe me, this is no joke. Fuck with me, will he? No more warnings, his ass is grass, and the Ayatollah's had best start praying to their Mood god."

Mr. Netanyahu then looked right into the TV camera to address Ahmadinejad directly.

 

"I'm going to ram (your nukes) right up your Muhammad lovin' ass!" said Netanyahu, referring to Iran's Ahmadinejad (courtesy Guns 'n' Ammo magazine)

 

"Let me tell you something, Mr. Ahmadinejad, I stand here today to inform you that your days can now be counted on one hand, as can the days of your sick, pathetic, totalitarian Muslim government in Iran.

You got nukes you say? Well you better use 'em right now pal, because if you don't, I'm going to ram 'em right up your Muhammad lovin' ass!"

The Prime Minister grew very heated and pointed directly into the camera as he continued. "I know that I speak for all Israelis, and for all Jews everywhere when I say that I have taken all the shit-talk from you I'm going to. You hear me, Mahmoud? I'm coming for you, and when I get to Tehran in a few days, I am going to completely fuck you up you lying fascist Muslim scum!"

 

"Big Jew talk is all it is, I am not worried about their planes and tanks and missiles and nucle...I really have to go now!" said Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as he sprinted toward his private Lear jet bound for Venezuela, which was 63rd in line behind the rest of the Iranian government's fleet of Lear jets also cueing for takeoff (Al-Khillyah TV)

 

"I promise I would still love you and honor your memory, Mahmoud, even if Israel were to completely carbonize your body until your brains explode right out of your ears and eye sockets" one of Ahmadinejad's wives dutifully informs him (courtesy The Daily Jihad)

 

"I feel so happy and safe when he holds me in his big, burly arms" said Iranian President Ahmadinejad, who fled in fear for his life from Israel's threat to turn him to "toast" (courtesy Venezuelan Daily Democrat)

 

 

"Israel...is...they are...wow, uh they are..." President Obama said, reacting to the announcement made today by Israel (courtesy Socialism Today! magazine)

 

Leaders from around the world had mixed, but generally positive reactions to Netanyahu's unusually bold announcement.

President Obama, after being briefed, was unable to make a full statement due to a power short in his teleprompter system.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said "We have an electrician on the way, so check back with us later."

 

"I really don't have anything else to add" said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs (courtesy of Obfuscation Connoisseur magazine)

 

OP-ED: HELEN THOMAS, GO TO HELL, YOUR ORIGINAL HOME by Eleanor Ruth

June 7, 2010

 

Hell (shown here with optional dragon): Helen Thomas' next stop (Linkmesh)

Hell, those of you know me or have followed my postings here and there are probably aware that I don't believe in Hell. You probably know I'm anti-theist and that I don't really believe in Heaven either. But you know what? As far as not believing in Hell is concerned, I'm going to make a nice big exception for Helen Thomas. That's right, I want Helen Thomas, as quickly as possible, to go straight to Hell, because I think that's where she came from in the first place.

Recently, at a Jewish Heritage Month celebration, Thomas, still quite a "looker" at 89, went on the record to say that the Israelis "should get the hell out of Palestine." Further, she stated that the Palestinian people "are occupied and it's their land." She recommended to the Israelis that they should "go home" to Germany or Poland or wherever.

Helen Thomas, fascist supporter (file)

Apparently, this isn't the first time "ol' denture-snarl" has gone off about Israelis or Jews, either. There were the infamous "pro Hezbollah" position statements (in the form of a question) directed at White House Press Secretary Tony Snow in 2006, and I'm sure it won't be long before even more statements reeking of Jew hate or the veiled wishes for another Holocaust will be dug up as well, much like a medical examiner might exhume the putrid and rotting corpse of some old, dead Nazi. 

An old, dead Nazi: Wilhelm Frick, executed at Nuremberg.

"Oh, but Eleanor," you might say. "She's an old, old lady and you should be more respectful!" 

Why? because she's ancient and has far outlived her usefulness? Not a chance. I don't feel sorry for her in any way, and her advanced age is HER problem, not mine.  Adolf Hitler, if he were alive today, would be 121 years old. Would his advanced age temper my desire to at least attempt to ram a tire iron down his f**king throat, if I had the chance?

You get the idea. Respect is earned by good deeds, not just by living too long and becoming an insufferable old hag who doesn't have the good sense to know when it's time to just stay at home and stop stinking up the White House press room.

Adolf Hitler, sans tire iron (WWII Archive)

Now, former White House Spokesmen Lanny Davis and Ari Fleischer are calling for Thomas' firing, as they should. As Everyone should. Thomas is way past her prime (if she ever even had one), and a person that old and that heinously bigoted should just waddle on off into the proverbial sunset.

Don't get me wrong, I have great respect for the aged, but not the aged like that. And certainly not if they're fascistically-bigoted nincompoops.

The world doesn't need her particular brand of 1930's style fascism support anymore; we have a new form of that old beast that we have to deal with already, and Helen Thomas has never been at all helpful in fighting it; in fact she's only ever aided it.

So go to Hell, Helen. You go right to that proverbial place down there, deep in the earth -- that place where evil dwells for all eternity. I'll believe in it just this once, just for you.

"HELP US DESTROY ISRAEL, WON'T YOU, FRIEND?" by Rachel Corrie™'s Agent

June 6, 2010

 

Martyr Rachel Corrie™, peacefully demonstrating for Palestinian children the correct posture for hanging curtains (UPS)

 

Hello, this is Rachel Corrie™'s agent. You remember Rachel Corrie™, don't you? She was the sweet, fun-loving young American girl murdered so ruthlessly by the Israeli Defense Forces in 2003 while only trying to protect the backyard kool-aid stand of some young, sweet, fun-loving Palestinian children?

Of course you remember her, how could anyone forget such a brilliant young woman who was so full of promise? That is, until she was brutally destroyed by those apartheid Israeli monsters!

You might be wondering, why does Rachel Corrie™ need an agent when she was flattened over seven years ago? Well, in case you're not aware, Rachel Corrie™ has transcended both life and death, and has become an industry in and of her self, thin though it may be. 

There was, of course, "My Name Is Rachel Corrie™," the runover, I mean, runaway hit play in London and New York, and there were the Movie of the Week negotiations as well as all the T-shirts, mugs, bumperstickers and balloons -- not to mention the ship just seen in the news recently, the Rachel Corrie™!

 

The Rachel Corrie™ at dock in Ireland (Ire Killyah Media)

 

Rachel Corrie™ has become a household name all over the world, and all that fame and profit needs to be managed by a professional like me. Besides, it would be impossible for her poor parents to manage it, traveling all over the world like they do, accepting awards, demonizing Israel while being accidentally almost kidnapped by the very people they're shilling for, etc. They're really busy people, and as long as they get their check from the Rachel Corrie™ Fund every month, they're more than happy to let me run things.

 

Rachel Corrie™'s parents, accepting an award from a delighted Yassir Arafat (courtesy PLO Promotions)

 

Anyway, what I'm really writing about today is our desperate need to get everybody together and destroy Israel, okay? Rachel Corrie™ would want everyone to do that. She would want you to do that. Are you going to let Rachel Corrie™ down, friend?

International Solidarity Movement martyr Rachel Corrie™ in a post mortem photo (courtesy of IHOP)

 

Site of the former Kool-Aid stand of the Palestinian children Rachel Corrie™ died protecting (PLO Promotions)

 

I mean, you know? Come on, level with me here...everyone knows Israel must be destroyed, and who better to help do it than the friends of Rachel Corrie™?

Listen buddy, here's what you do, it's really easy. Just book a trip to Israel, lie your ass off and tell them you're simply a "tourist," then when you get there, slip over into Gaza and start raising hell! It's what Rachel Corrie™ and her BFF's did, and you can follow their example.

Just do everything in your power to put the lives of the evil Israelis in danger and, whatever you do, don't let them hurt any peaceful Palestinians. It's easy peezy Jap-an-neezy, ya know?

A peaceful Palestinian child (right) demonstrates how the evil Israelis should be greeted when encountered on the street (PicOfTheDay)

 

Well that's all the time I have to write today, I have to go to my 13th meeting with that movie studio, you know, the one that keeps forgetting we had appointments?  Anyway, wish me luck, and, if you or someone you know is in the market to buy a really great screenplay, will you give me a ring? Thanks, friend!

Peace,

Rachel Corrie™'s Agent