ER'sB !

MANIC DEPRESSIVE AFGHAN PRESIDENT KARZAI CONFIRMS HE'S LYING AND DOUBLE DEALING AGAIN, AND DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT WHO KNOWS HE'S OFF HIS MEDS

 

 

 

 

October 12, 2010

 

(KABUL) Attempting to make it look somewhat like he's advancing his nation's peace progress with insurgents while boldly stringing the United States along for as long as possible, all in order to save his own neck whilst making his corupt family ever richer, Afghan President Hamid Karzai said unofficial negotiations with the Taliban have been taking place and hopes the formation of a peace council will further those efforts.

 

 

He made his statements at the same time that he was vacuuming the press room, balancing his personal budget, washing the windows, fixing an electrical outlet, planning a meeting, programming his TIVO, doing a crossword, dictating his memoirs, and doing push ups.

 

"You see I'm lying, and I'm lying, and I'm all powerful. I can fly. I'm off my meds and I don't give a shit that you know. Now, pay me, pay me, pay me, or kiss your fuel trucks at the border bye bye, okay? Why are you all looking at me like that? Is something wrong?" said Karzai (photo courtesy of Allahu Akbar!!! Media)

 

"We have been talking to the Taliban as countryman to countryman, talk in that manner. Of course you all know it's bullshit. I can walk through walls, want to see? Actually I don't feel like it right now you goddamned sonofabitch traitors!!! Did you see that picture of cigar guy from Ryder Cup? Wasn't that hilarious? We are Moslems here, the best of peoples. You have no choice but to deal with me. I can swim and breathe under water. So what I'm double dealing with America and the Taliban, I will live forever," Karzai told ER'sB.

 

 

"It's not like I have a regular official contact with the Taliban with a fixed address, but rather unofficial personal contacts have been going on for quite some time. What you don't know is that I tell them one thing and the U.S. government something else. I once wrestled a bear, and right now you really have to pay me, or something bad might happen again with your fuel trucks, infidels.

I love everybody in the world!" the Afghan President shouted, before turning and running face first into a concrete wall, knocking himself out.

 

 

GOOD THINGS ISLAM HAS DONE IN THE WORLD TODAY (10-11-10)

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, couldn't identify anything good, anywhere in the world, that Islam has done today (10-11-10). I'll keep searching, though...

 

 

SURPRISE: MUSLIM AMERICANS' RELIGIOUS IQ's EXTREMELY LOW

  

  

  

DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT RELIGION? ESPECIALLY THE INFIDEL KINDS? YOU'RE NOT ALONE, ABDUL AND FATIMA!

 

Odds are that you don't know Mother Teresa was Catholic, and what religion is the Dalai Lama?

Odds are, you've never heard of Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama.

How about Maimonides? Yeah, right!

  

  

And - no Googling - what's the first book of the Bible? How about the first four books of the New Testament?

What's a Bible and New Testimony...what?!?

Muslim Americans who can't answer any of these questions are everywhere, a huge new study has found.

In fact, although the United States is -- according to president Obama -- one of the largest Muslim countries in the world, most Muslim Americans scored .02 percent or less on a quiz measuring knowledge of the Bible, world religions and what the Constitution says about religion in public life.

 

 

What is a Constitution? OH! That filthy man-made document that needs to be replaced with Shariah ASAP!

The survey is full of very unsurprising findings.

For example, it's not only Hanafi or Shi'a Muslims who scored poorly on questions about Christianity, it's also fresh-off-the-jumbo-jet Sunni Somali jihadists.

 

 

It's not just Bible-belt Afghan colonizers who scored abysmally on queries about Protestants, it's also the Cleveland (Pakistani) men with the terror plots that are ready to hatch.

Those who believe the Koran is the literal word of a desert moon-god are universal. 

Barely 2% of all Yemeni-Americans know that they shouldn't wipe their ass with their left hand.

 

 

And only about one in 100 know that a public school teacher should not be beheaded just because she "blasphemed" something. 

The Pepé Le Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life is behind the 32-question quiz, polling more than 3,400 Muslim Americans by telephone to gauge the depth of the Muslim's religious knowledge.

Quote from surveyor: "This study was a complete waste of time."

 

 

The overall attitude of Muslim Americans: "If it isn't in the Koran, it's not worth knowing."

 

MANSON FAMILY MEMBERSHIP UNAVAILABLE, SO ACTRESS IN BRITAIN JOINS ISLAM INSTEAD

 

 

 

Formerly respected actress Myriam-Francois-Cerrah, today just the latest "slave of Allah," and 4th wife of some primitive terrorist named Abdul (photo courtesy of Whattamoron Promotions)

 

Myriam Francois-Cerrah found fame as a child actress in the 90's hit film Sense and Sensibility.  Now she's known for being one of a growing number of educated middle class British females who've abandoned any and all sense and sensibility by converting to Islam.

"I wanted to join the Manson Family, but Charlie is in jail, and membership in Britain is not allowed, so the next best cult of death is Islam" she said.

"I so admired Susan Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkle and Squeaky Fromme, and what they did to advance peace in L.A. back in the 60's."

 

"Charlie is unavailable, but the Prophet Muhammad is very, very similar" said Francois-Cerrah (photo courtesy of Healter Skelter Monthly)

 

Francois-Cerrah says that after learning that joining the Manson death-cult was illegal in Britain, she began looking around for something else. Then came the September 11 terror attacks that led to her "intellectual" curiosity about Islam, and ultimately to conversion to the religion.  She initially suspected that the Prophet Muhammad was a man of peace, and after the 7/7 London bombings and then Madrid, she was "absolutely convinced" of it.

She also believes in unicorns, leprechauns, the righteousness of liberalism, and that her new husband Abdul loves her much more than his other wives. One of the ways she can tell is that he beats her far less frequently than the others.

 

"I just know Abdul loves me more than he loves Fatima, Aisha, or Aafia. He just has to, he just has to, he just has to, he just has to!" 

 

Francois-Cerrah says the radical fringe behind terror attacks doesn't represent the masses of ignorant, privileged Westerners like her who willingly and mindlessly join the fascist, misogynist "religion."

She concedes, however, that at least 5% of Muslims worldwide could be classified as enraged, Allahu Akbar screaming mass murderers.

Out of an estimated total of 1.5 Billion, that's many tens of millions of enraged, Allahu Akbar screaming mass murderers.

"But that's a very small percentage you see? You say it enough times to yourself over and over, you believe it," she said.

"You believe it. You believe it. You believe it. You believe it!" she repeated endlessly.

 

FIRST ANNUAL "KORANICALLY AUTHENTIC ISLAMIC FAIRE!" Is Coming To Michigan Next Weekend!

 

(AN ER'sB SPECIAL LIFESTYLES POSTING)

 

 

"HEY EVERYBODY, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THE FAIRE!"

 

The first annual Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! is expected to be similar to a Renaissance Faire -- only with a lot of authentic death and misery (courtesy Jinn Media)

 

September 24, 2010

What do you get when you combine a medieval, Dark Ages lifestyle, fervent religious devotion and blood-lust, with ordinary Americans from Michigan?

Well, at least some devout Muslims are insisting that all of those things will combine to form a "Jihad-Jamboree" that residents of the "Auto State" will never forget!

 

Doris H. of Dearborn: "That's one Jamboree I will never forget!" (PUI)

 

The Dearborn chapter of the International Association of "Muslim Youth for Holy Accuracy and Religious Everyday Medievalism (MYHAREM)" is proud to announce the creation of the first annual "Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire!" slated to be held in a large field outside of Dearborn, Michigan, next weekend!

Event organizer Muhammad al-Muhammad, 23,  of Dearborn, a founding member of MYHAREM International, explained that "by hosting this Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! we intend to demonstrate for the people of Michigan just how serious we are about our Islam, and just as importantly, how serious they will be as well before too many years go by."

 

The "Koranically Authentic" Way (courtesy Ahmadinejad Photography Ltd.)

 

He said that "Anyone of any age can come to the Faire!  However, all Infidels must be prepared to either submit to Allah, pay the jizya, or die by the sword. Any Jews who attend won't have to worry about making a choice, because they don't have any" he added.

"In Michigan, we are not dicking around like those jackasses from CAIR (Council on American Islamic Relations) or the MAS (Muslim American Society) are. Hooper and Awad and all those other Islam is peace & tolerance liars will one day find their own heads in their laps if they don't get with Allah's program."

 

Two members of MYHAREM Int'l field-testing a potential location for the Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! outside of Dearborn, MI. This site, however, "just reeked of Kuffar," and was eventually rejected (courtesy Worldwide Aisha's Pants)

 

"Basically" al-Muhammad continued, "our position is that the so-called moderate Muslims operating in the U.S. today are complete bullshit and need to die. All of them. They are an affront to Allah and to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

We hope those phony mealy-mouthed traitorous beekeeping apostates suffer protracted and emaciating deaths -- preferably from some form of excruciatingly painful rectal cancer -- along with all Kuffar (a term for non-Muslims), but especially the Jews, inshallah.

We true Muslims in MYHAREM Int'l are utterly committed to the perfection of Islam as Allah laid down so clearly to our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) through the Angel Gabriel. And, we're proud to announce that all of that Islamic perfection and glory will be on full display next weekend at our first annual Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! Please come, bring your young daughters, and all of your jizya (money)!" 

 

The cornfield near Dearborn that was ultimately selected by MYHAREM Int'l members as the perfect spot for the first annual Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! next weekend (courtesy The Daily Musulman)

 

"We are not dicking around" says Muhammad al-Muhammad, founding member of MYHAREM Int'l (courtesy Jinn Media)

 

"The fact of the matter is, we like to get a lot of strange in Islam, just like our Prophet did" explained al-Muhammad. "We're not going to try and deny the fact that he liked naked 9 year old girls by pretending that we don't. We like to beat them too, just like he liked to beat his last wife Aisha. In fact, we beat all of our women, just to honor Him.

I hope the residents of Dearborn and all of Michigan will bring their sexy little daughters to the Faire!  Remember that in Islam, even 6 year old women are eligible for engagement, so please don't hesitate!

We insist that the people of Michigan have an experience with us that they will never forget. 

 

"In Islam, even 6 year old women are eligible for engagement..." (courtesy Worldwide Aisha's Pants)

 

All of the Infidels of Michigan, and of America, must be made to understand that Islam is the only possible future for this country and for the world, and the sooner they accept that and submit to Allah, the better it will be for their families.

So please, I invite everyone to feel free to bring the whole family to the Faire!, but I must caution that in all likelihood, they will be raped and enslaved, unless they are hideously ugly or obese. Michigan Infidel men will just have to accept that most of their women and girls will be our wives and concubines almost before they -- the husbands and fathers --can make it through the line at the Halal goat-on-a-stick stand.

All Infidels have been invited, and I demand that they come."

 

The losers of the sword fights at the Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire! will actually be beheaded (Khaybar News Corp.)

 

Daily Events:

Seven themed stages offer a variety of entertainment from Jew-head jugglers and Jinns to magic spinal sperm demonstrations and heretic stonings. There will be no wandering musicians because music is Haram, but Jihadi enthusiasts in everyday 7th century/modern attire will stroll the sandy paths of the recreated 7th century Arab bedouin village, enforcing morality codes and demonstrating battery acid-throwing techniques. Sword fighting competitions are held three times a day, so long as a sufficient number of fighters remain alive enough to fight.

Activities:

Join the Koranically Authentic Faire's Games arena by stepping up to test your balancing ability on the Hangman's Crossbar, or prove your strength at the Test O' Mettle, where you are stoned until you are unconscious, have lost one eye, and at least half of your teeth. Scimitar throwing, Islamic darts of death, and other games of skill can also be found throughout the Faire, as well as donkey-powered rides, poets to assassinate, and plenty of Halal Faire food.

Children's Realm:

Available at no extra charge, the Children's Realm at the Koranically Authentic Islamic Faire is for women 6 years to 10 years of age only. Activities include male anatomy instruction, Harem-style tent dancing, tongue-sucking techniques, a quick introduction on how to please an uncle-husband over 50, and much more, all designed just for your daughters!

New Daisy Con Brochure To Help American Women & Girls Prepare for their Post Islamic Submission Clitorectomies

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Women & Girls of America,

After something is already over is not the time to prepare for it, and that certainly is the case with the post-submission clitorectomies that every one of you will be undergoing soon in America, as required by Sharia, which we will introduce to America from our Ground Zero Mega-Mosque!

Let's face it, after you've broken free from those good Muslims who have held you down on the kitchen table while one of them has performed the delicate operation on you with a rusty razor blade as you screamed in fear and agony, is not the time to come to grips with the necessity of pleasing Allāh by your small sacrifice.

  

 

  

This is not something you can shy away from, nor escape; so it's best to get that idea out of your head right now. The Sharia requires this procedure on all women, and that means you, too.

The question really comes down to, who needs a clitoris, anyway? The answer is: only whores!

 

 

Once you accept the fact that sexual pleasure is just not something Allāh ever intended for you, you'll feel better about it. Plus, your husband will fear your straying from him far less, and that should make you feel good about yourselves.

Speak with your co-wives about it, and you'll see that they have no choice but to agree!

 

 

I want all of the women and girls of Allāh's great land - America - to know that I will be here to help them through this challenging, but necessary, time.

Soon, my new brochure Clitoris Obliterous, Allāh Just Hates the Big-O For Muslim Women will be available from the Cordoba-51 Islamification Initiative website, and I invite you to order your copy today, so that you'll be prepared for when we take over tomorrow!

 

Peace,

~Daisy Con

 

 

ISLAM RESPECTS WOMEN'S RIGHTS!

 

 

ISLAM GIVES WOMEN MANY RIGHTS!!

 

"WESTERN FEMININSTS TOLD ME THAT MOHAMMAD BELIEVED IN RIGHTS FOR WOMEN, AND I USED TO BELIEVE IT..."

 

 

ALLAH SPEAKS TO GOATHERD, REVISES QUR'AN VERSES, ANNOUNCES THAT SEARCH FOR NEW "LITTLE BUDDY" IS UNDERWAY

 

 

  

September 8, 2010

(Mecca) When Abdullah Moazim Muhammad, a goat-herd and part time security guard at Cave Hira near Mecca, awoke early on the morning of August 26th, he never could have imagined that before the day was out, not only would he be the first person to hear the "voice" of the Islamic god Allah in 1,350 years, but he'd also be launched on a Muslim-world wide search for a new prophet, or "little buddy", for the Merciful deity.

  

Abdullah Moazim Muhammad, the Saudi goatherd to whom Allah the Merciful revealed Himself (photo courtesy of Mecca Media)

  

"Allah the Merciful told me that the Prophet Mohammad greatly usurped His authority, is getting too much attention, and that He has already sent the former Prophet to spend eternity in Hell.

You will notice," said Moazim Muhammad "that when I spoke the name of the former Prophet Mohammad, that I did not add Peace Be Upon Him. That is because Allah the Merciful told me that it no longer is!"

Moazim Muhammad said that he knows for certain it was really Allah in the cave, because when he told co-workers and friends about the new revelations, they immediately tried to behead him, but were stopped by an "unseen force."

"Allah the Merciful protected me, for their blades all fell to dust, and then they themselves fell to dust!" said the astonished and relieved goatherd.

Today a dumpy tourist-trap, Cave Hira is the place where Allah still apparently hangs out, looking for an honest friend (Here-ah Cave Hira! Promotions)

  

In addition to instructing Moazim Muhammad to find Him a worthy new friend, companion, and potential new "Prophet", the Merciful desert God also sent down some updated and revised verses for the Holy Qur'an, effective immediately:

3:118 O ye who believe!Take not into your intimacy those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you. They only desire your ruin: Rank hatred has already appeared from their mouths: What their hearts conceal is far worse. We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom. Take not into your intimacy girls below the age of 18; otherwise modern authorities will imprison you, and rightly so. Be not so belligerent toward unbelievers, for they are just that: unbelievers. Instead, preach to them My word and convince them of the righteousness of My message until they become believers, but if they do not, leave them in peace, not in pieces.
 

4.14. But those who disobey Allah and His Messenger and transgress His limits will be admitted to a Fire gently reinstructed as to the ways originally intended for all Muslims, and given a quiet, peaceful place to abide therein: And they shall have a humiliating punishment. chance to understand that My message was royally fucked up by that miserable lout whom I called "friend" but who only betrayed Me and usurped My authority.

 

 

4.115. If anyone contends with the Messenger even after guidance has been plainly conveyed to him, and follows a path other than that becoming to men of Faith, We shall leave him in the path he has chosen, and land him in Hell,- what an evil refuge! If anyone further adheres to the instructions of the former "Messenger," he shall truly land in Hell, an evil refuge that is now the permanent home of said former "Messenger".

5.33. The punishment of those who wage war against Allah and His Messenger, and strive with might and main for mischief through the land is: execution, or crucifixion, or the cutting off of hands and feet from opposite sides, or exile from the land: that is their disgrace in this world, and a heavy punishment is theirs in the Hereafter; no punishment at all; instead it shall be love and brotherhood; as the former "Prophet" so twisted what I said for his own purposes, when My true message is known to all of mankind, there will be no reason for any of our brothers (Jews, Christians, Hindus, athiests, and all others) to want to wage war against Me or strive for mischief in the land, which belongs to all of My creations on the planet.

Moazim Muhammad said that Allah told him He's working on revising the entire Qur'an, but since it was so corrupted by the former Prophet Mohammad, it may take Him some time to fix everything. In the meantime, the Hadith are to be ignored completely, and if any Muslim fails to obey His new divine instructions, they will get to spend a lot of quality time with the fomer Prophet in his new abode.

 

 

 

Also, according to Moazim Muhammad, Allah wanted him to relay a message to Terry Jones, the preacher in Florida who is planning to burn Qur'ans.

"Allah the Merciful sends a message of love to His creations in America, and says to go ahead and burn them, as any Qur'an in existence to this point is nothing but a blasphemous collection of dirty, corrupted lies."

 

OVAL OFFICE RUG GETS QUOTATION WRONG, MUSLIM WORLD ENRAGED

 

  

September 5, 2010

 

(Washington) A big mistake has been made in the Oval Office makeover that goes beyond the pale, and could possibly cause even more international tensions.

President Obama's new presidential rug seems odd, for certain, for an American president, but the Turkish carpet is attractive and does seem to match the new colors of the Oval Office.

The rug, specially made in Istanbul by the now defunct specialty commercial firm of Abdul & Abdul, LTD., contains quotes from Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, FDR, and John F. Kennedy around its edges, in Arabic. It also includes the following, which was supposed to be a quote from the Muslim Prophet Mohammad (PBUH):

"There is no God but Allah, and Nationwide is on His side."

 

The Oval Office Turkish rug, with Arabic lettering around the edges containing the famous quotes, and the infamous misquote (photo courtesy of CAIR)

 

According to media reports, this blasphemous misquotation has caused quite a stir in the Muslim world, and news from Turkey has confirmed that both Abdul & Abdul have already been beheaded by an angry mob.

President Obama himself is said to be sick with grief and has started praying five times a day again as penance.

 

President Obama and staff members praying in the recently redesigned East Room of the White House (photo courtesy of Imam Rauf)

 

For the record, the quote was supposed to be "There is no God but Mohammad, and Allah is his sock-puppet."

A White House source has said they think that the mistake was an honest one, that the merchants probably just got this rug mixed up with another commercial order, and that it's too bad they were executed before they were even questioned about it.

 

ER'sB GUIDE TO ISLAMIC SPELLING (Part I, A-H)

  

 

September 4, 2010

 

If you're anything at all like me, you've noticed how when it comes to the spelling of Islaamic Islamic words and terms, in English at least, there doesn't seem to be any kind of consistency whatsoever.

Many who read Islaamic Islamic texts regularly in English, such as the Koran Quran Qoran Qu'ran Qur'an and the Haddith Hadiith Hadith, wonder why that is, and what can be done abouit it, if anything.

The answer, it would seem, lies in the hard and and fast Mahometan Mohammadan Musulman Musuulman Muslim Moslem principle that if it isn't written in the heathen barbarian troglodyte Sandmonkey Arabic that the Moslem "Prophet" Mohammad himself was entirely ignorant of (he was illiterate), then it isn't worthy of much concern anyway; but in an effort to assist the reader of Islamic texts translated to English, and to note the many different ways in which Islamic terms are spelled, and can be spelled, we've put together this little guide.

 

THE ER'sB HANDY ISLAMIC-TERM SPELLING GUIDE (A-H)!!

 

 

(*Note: This guide is for those already fairly familiar with Islamic-terminology; therefore, the terms are not specifically defined)

 

-Allāh (الله):  Alah, Allaah, Aluh, Aalaah, Aallaahh, Satan, Allahu, Il-ah, Uhllua, Rahk d'Kabbah, Alalaa'h, Ahhhh-Leeeeaaaaah! (Here we go again).

-Allāhhu Akbar (الله أكبر):  Alahu Akkbar, Alaahu Bakh D'ar, Allaahhu Sna'kbar, M'artyr M'akker, Alalaah Wh's F'ubar, D'ie Mo'therf***e'r!!!

-Bid'ah (بدعة):  Bida, Bidda, Bid'a, Biddah, Pi'ss Uff d'Allah, Biid'a, Biidd'a, Ch 'ch 'ch 'ch 'Changes (Turn d'Face d'Strain).

-Burqa ( برقع ):  Burka, Bur'qa, Bur'qur, Hef d'Bagh, Barqa, Buhr'qa, Daarth al-Vader Fr'ock, Burrka, Po'gromme d'Ress, B'ruz Khan'cealer, B'rides d'Hide, F'ugly saak.

-Caliph (خليفة):  C'aliph, Kaliph, Khalifah, Khaal'ifah, Caaliph, O'bama, C'aalliiph, D'espot, Sl'aayer d'Chief, Ant'i Ch'rist.

-Dar al-Harb  (دار الحرب):  Dar-al-Harb, D'ar al-Harb, D'ar-al-H'arb, Dar al-Free, Da'r al-Bars, Dar al-Brave, Dar al-Cars, Haram Land.

-Dar al-Islam (دار الإسلام):  Dar-al-Islam, Hellhole, Shi'ite Pile, Planet of the Apes, Future Ground Zero, Toilet, Troglodyte T'own, Inbredistan, Mohammad's Crime Scene.

-Da'wah (الدعوة):  Da'wa, Duh'wa, Duh'waaaahhhh, Lies, D'ah w'a, Fu*king Lies, Doo 'wah, Daa'wa, Diddy Diddy Down, Duh 'waa, Diddy Do.

-Dhimmi (ذمّي):  D'himmi, Michael Bloomberg, Barack Obama, Keith Olberman, Chris Matthews, Charles Johnson et al.

-Dhunr (دارالصلح ):  D'hunr, Dunn'hr, 2nd Daily Arse-Wag, Dhu'nr, Forehead Knot-time, Dunnar, Total Waste Of Y'ur Time.

-Din (الدين):  D'in, Dinn, Diin, Diinn, D'iihn, Shitty Way of Life, Diii'nh.

-Dua  (دعاء):  Du'a, D'ua, Du'her (anytime you like), Doo'ha, Do'haa, Wag It, Shake It, D'hooa, Babble In Tongues, Devolve.

-Fara'id (فرأض):  Far'aid (but zip for non-Moslems), Farah'id, Full-On-Arse-Waggin-All-Day-Long, Faaraa'id, Entirely Wasted Potential.

-Fatwa (فتوى):  Fa'twa, Fat'wa, Fart'wa, Foot'wa, Another Excuse To Kill, Fadwa, Fa'dwa, Birdbrained Opinion from Some Cretinous Psychopath.

-Hadith (حديث ḥadīth):  Haadith, Haddith, Hadiith, Mo's Maniacal Mumblings, Had'teeth, Haa'deeth.

-Hajj (الحجّ haj):  Ha'j, H'aj, Do The Meteorite Moonwalk, Hujj, Hah'jj. 

-Halal (حلال):  Halall, Ha'lal, Hell'al, Approved For Cavemen, Tastes Like Shi'ite.

-Haram (حرام):   Ha'ram, Har'am, Anything Fun, Haar'am, Enlightening, Educational or Tasty, good for Infidels.

-Hidayah (هداية):  Hi'dayah, Hiida'yuh, Ask The Devil, Hiidaay'er, Hide'ahya, Hide d'Salami.

-Hijab (حجاب):  H'ijab, Hi'jabb, Heagney, Unattractive, Burqa-lite, Hed 'Jab, Not As Brusied, Hejaab, Unsexy.

-Houri (حورية ḥūrīya; pl. ḥūrīyāt حوريات):  Hou'ri, Whor'ui, Celestial Sluts, Jihadi Wet Dream, Hoor'i, Hoorr'i, Forever Fornicators, Islamo-Heaven's Happily Hooking Huzzies.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED)

 

PA's Abbas: "Our Prophet Once Flew to Jerusalem On a Magic Donkey, in a Dream, So That Makes All of Israel Ours!"

 

August 31, 2010 

RAMALLAH, West Bank — Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas warned Tuesday that while the PA will continue the charade of of sorta desiring peace talks with Israel, they have no intention of ever settling. 

The negotiations-for-show-purposes-only are set to resume this week with a gala summit meeting in Washington after months of American mediation efforts spearheaded by Barack Obama, who is best known as the worlds most prominent spokesman for Islam.

  

 

  

Abbas did, however, encourage the Israelis to continue building expensive houses and adding pricey amenities such as central air conditioning and swimming pools, noting that when Allah's soldiers take over all of Israel, he wants them to have as much luxury as the filthy Jews can afford to leave behind.

"Jews won't need swimming pools when we give them the sea" he said.

Ironically, Israelis themselves are divided over the settlements in the West Bank, but Abbas was dismissive of any claims, by Israelis, to anything whatsoever in Israel. He proclaimed:

"Our great Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) once flew to Jerusalem on a magic donkey, in a dream, so that makes all of Israel ours!"

 Laughter immediately erupted in the pressroom, but when Abbas failed to smile after the punchline, those present realized that he was not joking.

 

It's a laugh a minute with straight-faced funny man Mahmoud Abbas of the Looneytunes Guild "Palestinian Authority" (photo courtesy of the TV show Shi'ite Tonight!)

  

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, when told of the statement, said "last night I dreamt that Megan Fox came to my office and gave me a lap dance. Should that mean I now have the right to demand that she actually come to my office and give me a lap dance?!"

  

 

 Lap dance? Dream on (EW)

  

"Abbas is a ridiculous mental midget who actually represents something much closer to the Looneytoons Guild than any kind of serious government" the Israeli Prime Minister growled.

  

 

  

AT ER'sB, WE ARE PROUD TO SAY:

 

SCIENTIFIC BOMBSHELL: 1/5 of the World's Humans Aren't Homo sapiens?

  

 

August 31, 2010

  

 

  

(Cleveland) In an announcement today that is sure to shock the Western world, and enrage the one-fifth of the world's population of humans who always assumed they were just like (or superior to) everyone else, scientific evidence has been developed that demonstrates that Islamic people -- Muslims -- have actually devolved into a sub-species of human beings that are quite different from non-Muslims, or modern people (Homo sapiens).

Introducing: "Homo sapiens Mohammedanus"

  

NOT QUITE CAVEMEN, BUT GETTING THERE

According to Dr. Robert Korby of the Cleveland Institute for Anthropological Research, Islamic peoples actually achieved this "altered" status some five hundred years ago, after nearly a millennia of severe physical, social, and psychological brainwashing, as well as dogmatic theological conditioning, and the rampant inbreeding that is unique to the Islamic world, even to this very day (see Morocco, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Muammar Gadaffi, or any of his kids).

Add to that the long-term institutionalized discouragement of education, and over time you've got one very large group of profoundly ignorant and primitive-minded people, set apart from the rest of humanity.

 

NATURE IS JUST FIGHTING BACK

"This species devolvement is simply nature fighting back against all the abuse, all the ridiculous genetic shenanigans such as first cousin-on-cousin, uncle-niece, nephew-goat, or brother-sister marriages over all those centuries, and all inspired and ordered by one brutal and unworthy troglodyte - Mohammad - who could have been the poster-child for Primitive Barbarian magazine, had such a publication ever existed" said Korby.

  

 

  

He believes that the Muslim prophet certainly didn't do his people any favors by setting up a system of such total-control, even down to the smallest detail, like how to piss, and in which direction. 

"Consequently, 1.5 billion people are now paying a terrible price. Science is learning that if you abuse your natural heritage and human potentials and abilities for long enough, nature will step right in and kick your ass all the way back to the stone age where you belong.

  

STILL HUMAN BEINGS, BUT GENETICALLY DIFFERENT

In short, the Islamic peoples are not quite cavemen yet, and they're still human beings, but Mohammedanus have changed psychologically and genetically, and right now they're clearly cruising down the road toward undiscovering the wheel, and have already made a downpayment toward the admission price into 'Ooog, fire good' land" he said.

  

Caveman, or maybe just a disrobed tribesman from Afghanistan? (photo courtesy of GEICO)

  

"The Islamic peoples, abused by their religious leaders and stultified by socio-political nonsense over nearly 1,500 years, are regressing, moving backwards through development, devolving into a more primitive form of human, which is an actual subset of modern humans. It's both very sad and exhilirating to witness.

From an anthropogical and genetic sciences viewpoint, it's certainly extraordinary" said Dr. Korby.

  

"Homo sapiens Mohammedanus"

  

In the scheme of all things human, he explains, Homo sapiens (non Islamic peoples) are at the top of the "food chain" and are considered to be the most developed, the most modern. It is crucial to note, Dr. Korby points out, that there were other humans in our evolution that were vitally important in the development of our species, such as Homo sapiens Sapiens (extinct) and Homo sapiens Idaltu (extinct as of 160,000 years ago).

Now, we must add Homo sapiens Mohammedanus (approx. 1500 A.D. -  ?   ) to that list as well.

  

  

"I was asked by an anthropological researcher why we've gone to such trouble to create a new classification for them, Mohammedanus, instead of just using Idaltu or even sapiens Sapiens" says Korby. 

"And while it's true that they will be devolving through those anthropological stages on their journey backwards toward prokaryotic cells, neither of those classic human species were ever so willingly self-destructive, so regressive in the face of available knowledge, or so universally violent and intolerant toward their closest relatives, in this case, Homo sapiens.

Taken all together, those reasons justiy having their very own classification status."

  

 

Homo sapiens, male and female

 

Homo sapiens Idaltu, male (extinct 160,000 years ago)

 

Homo sapiens Mohammedanus, male and female -- at least that's believed to be a female (Islamic peoples)

 

Chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes), sadly no longer the closest relative of Homo sapiens (photo courtesy of The Chimp Channel)

 

Dr. Korby noted that physical features alone are not sufficient to identify Homo sapiens Mohammedanus - that type of verification actually requires a genetics test or a post mortem brain weigh-in - but good preliminary indicators are attitudes, actions, beliefs and desires; in particular the seemingly unquenchable blood lust of Mohammedanus against modern humans, most notably their fascination with decapitation.

"It's some sort of strange, inverted cargo-cult thing, I believe, where progressively primitivized peoples are up against modern humans, and they just don't understand anything anymore, so they're lashing out every which way" said Korby.

 

DIVERGENT PATHS FOR HUMANITY?

As for the future of human beings, both Homo sapiens and Homo sapiens Mohammedanus, Korby says he's optimistic for modern humans, but for Mohammedanus, not so much.

"Modern, enlightened people can achieve great things, and someday we may even leave the Earth to settle other planets" he said.

 

 

But as for the ever-devolving Islamic peoples? 

"Considering the rate at which they're currently backsliding, at just about the same time modern people are lifting off in specialized spacecraft to colonize new worlds, Mohammedanus will just be discovering that hitting themselves repeatedly over the head with a club, hurts."

 

 

REVEALING STUDY: MOST MUSLIM MEN ARE "GAY" FOR PROPHET MOHAMMAD

 

   

  

August 28, 2010

  

 

  

(Cairo, Egypt) As 29-year old taxi driver Khnab J'ahkki makes his way from Friday prayers at the Al-Azhar mosque near the University in Cairo, his thoughts turn to where he might find some temporary "Prophet Mohammad love" tonight, and how best to keep his extracurricular activities safely on the down-low.

One of Khnab's co-workers at the Taxi company, Khaleed "Ahneed" Mo'azz, is thinking the same thing as he stows away his cap and fare book in his company locker.

  

 

  

The two men, gayer than blades in a Judy Garland revue, are by no means alone in the Muslim world.

  

 

As professor I'bn Saweed Suq'un of Al-Azhar University, who conducted the study, explains, the rate of homosexuality in the Muslim world runs close to 80% in men. But, the gaiety of these Islamic men is not simply directed at other men; as it turns out, the passion and desire is psychologically based in a concupiscent longing to get "down and dirty" with the Muslim Prophet Mohammad, and any willing man will do.

 

 

The Prophet Mohammad as a gorgeous, effeminate, bisexual youth (photo courtesy of Jiz'yhumi Magazine)

 

For taxi driver Khnab J'ahkki, the realization that most of his Muslim "brothers" were also members of the Prophet Lovers Club of Dar-al-Islam™ came two years ago at the daily briefing of cab drivers by their dispatcher.

"He ended up the briefing by loudly saying 'May the Prophet Mohammad's peace be upon you.' I looked at the other cabbies and noticed that at least sixteen of the twenty drivers were glancing around at each other, winking and smiling.

It put me in a warm, loving mood" J'ahkki remembered fondly.

 

 

Professor Suq'un noted that even most married Muslim men with three or more wives are secretly gay, or at least bisexual, for the Prophet-figure. He quoted an important Egyptian Imam, al-Suqayah Yerdeek, as having said:

"When we are making love to any of our wives, in our hearts, we are really making sweet and passionate love to the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH). Only he truly knows how to satisfy our deepest desires."

In Cairo, as in many major Muslim cities, the Ulama (learned clergy) are aggressively pushing a program to start young boys early toward the path of really knowing the Prophet Mohammad.

 

Mullah Madeek Awhana d'Bakduhr with his latest flame, young Ahmed (photo courtesy of The K'hnab K'nhabbler Daily)

 

Mullah Madeek Awhana d'Bakduhr says "I imagine a young, very young Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) and my passions soar! The Hadith clearly show that the Prophet himself was a leader of the A'naal B'haandid (a secret Arabian society of especially close associates who sought adventures together), so we have no compunction against pursuing the same adventuresome exploits that he did.

It helps us to know him better, and who could fault us for that?"

 

The Prophet Mohammad as a 30-something leader of the A'naal B'haandid Secret Society (photo courtesy of Allahu Backdoor!!! Magazine) 

 

In Shari'a (Islamic) law, homosexuality is a capital offense, but according to d'Bakduhr "that's just a black pot calling a kettle (sic). Look at the numbers! In Iran, if you are strung up for being a B'haandid, there's an 8 in 10 chance the guy who hangs you is also a member of the A'naal B'haandid Society. It's just ridiculous and hypocritical!"

 

 

DISTURBING STUDY: The Dogs of America Seem to Come Out In Support of Ground Zero Mosque Imam

 

August 27, 2010

  

(Chicago) In a poll conducted amongst thousands of American canines, it's been revealed that the majority seem to have come out in favor of the Ground Zero Mosque, and especially its highly controversial leader, Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf.

This is hardly the result that was expected, since most dogs in the U.S. have always been considered to be very loyal and patriotic.

John Gaynor, Director of the Field Intelligence Digest Organization (FIDO), a Chicago based Polling Research company, said that he even went over the collected data twice, just to be certain.

  

 

"Rauf! Rauf! Rauf! Rauf!" answered "Rocky" when asked who he supports in the debate (photo by Daddy)

  

The numbers are certainly shocking: dogs sound like they favor Rauf by a margin of 4 to 1.

"I imagine there are going to be some very unhappy mommies and daddies out there who will be seriously considering sending their little tail-waggers back to obedience school" said Gaynor.

"In addition to learning basic stuff such as sit, down, come, and stay, doggie-schools may also have to start adding a Qur'an and Hadith class or two, just to counter the radical Islamic ideas that America's pooches must be picking up from somewhere, most likely from just being in the living room whenever Keith Olberman is on the TV" he added.

  

 

 

"Rauf!" replied "Miah" in a deep, convincing-sounding voice when asked whose side she supports. This beautiful Golden Retriever has clearly never read Sahih Bukhari 4/54/539 (photo by Mommy).

  

Hugh Fitzgerald, Vice President of Jihadwatch.org, and one of America's leading experts on Islam (as well as a dog lover), was particularly disturbed by the findings.

"If these pooches understood just how profoundly the texts, tenents, and atmospherics of Islam inculcate a very deep religious hatred for, and bigoted fear of, dogs -- institutionally, systematically, and without mercy or the hope of general tolerance -- they probably wouldn't be so vocal in their support of this man, Rauf, or his ideals."

 

Fitzgerald pointed us to two specific passages in the Hadith Sahih Bukhari (the traditions of the "Prophet") where dogs are spoken of in relation to the Muslim Prophet:

'Angels do not enter a house which has either a dog or a picture of a dog'
(sahih Bukari 4/54/539)

Mohammad also ordered all dogs in Arabia to be killed
(sahih Bukari 4/54/540)

  

Hugh Fitzgerald of JihadWatch.Org (file)

  

Fitzgerald noted that, in short, Islam is not, and has never been, a friend to man's best friend.

He said that he always believed that the dogs he's spoken to, either firmly, or with kindness and affection, understood the dangers to them from Islam; but in light of this new study, he's had to reconsider what he's previously taken for granted. He hopes that, however, if Max, Buddy, Rocky, Good Boy, or the others do feel that way, that they'll at least spend some time, with their masters, reading up on Islam.  

  

 

"Rauf!" answered cute little Beagle puppy "Sadie." Just too young to know any better?

  

 

"Max", a three year old German Shepherd, seemed so supportive of Rauf that he required immediate muzzling (photo by Heinrich)

 

Contacted by this reporter for comment, CAIR (Council on American Islamic Relations) spokesman Ibrahim Hooper was extremely interested in and excited by the findings of this study.

"Finally, a very welcome, tolerant, and intelligent response from a very large group of real Americans!" he rejoiced.

"I'm going to prepare a big press release about this and we're going national with it! Of course we as Muslims hate dogs, but this is a PR coup!"

 

You don't even want to know what "Infidel Killer" had to say (photo by Ahmed)

 

Not surprisingly, Imam Rauf himself was unavailable for comment on this story. His office informed us that if we have questions about what they refer to as the "Park51 Community Center with only a very tiny little prayer area loosely attached," we should contact Keith Olberman.

 

 

Laura Baines-Kipperman, President of the National Association for the Mental Welfare of Animals, stated that she's certain that this study is overblown, and that America's dogs do not pose any kind of threat to their owners and companions.

"I'm certain that they're really just repeating things that they've heard a lot lately, like the glowing support and love for Imam Rauf from people on television, especially Keith Olberman.

There's really no need at all to worry that your poochie-poochie, large or small, is going to commit any kind of jihad-terrorist act against you or anyone else. They all love their mommies and daddies," she said.

"And they all love America too!"

 

"Amnesty" said "Pedro", a cute little Chihuahua puppy who lives in Phoenix, AZ. He said "I haven't been following this whole Rauf story closely enough to comment intelligently on it, but I would be more than happy to discuss my views on anchor-babies, if there is ever a survey done on that topic in the future." (photo by Papi)

 

TIME TRAVELER FROM 904 AD: "Hwa þætse Heilig þæt Feascefig Saracens On Angelcynn Motan?!? (Who The Hell Let All These Wretched Muslims Into England?!?)"

  

  

(Winchester, England) For one man, the simple act of attempting an alchemic-procedure in hopes of converting tin into gold more than a millennia ago, has become an astonishing adventure he'll never forget. 

Æðelred, son of nobleman Rægenhere of the Kingdom of Wessex in the year 904 A.D., believes he might have added just a tad bit too much lead into his mixture, and that that might have been what caused the time-portal to open, swallow him up, and deposit him in the very same spot in the year 2010 -- 1106 years in the future.

  

  

Fortunately for Æðelred, that spot is right in the middle of a modern-day cornfield.

He spoke to us in Old English through an interpreter, who explained that he was doing the best he could with this particular dialect, which was/is actually somewhat different than was previously thought.

"Ic andgitfullice macian a recceleas misdæd, ond Ic beon nu her!" ("I screwed it all up somehow, and I wound up here!")

 

Æðelred, son of nobleman Rægenhere in the Kingdom of Wessex (904 A.D.), says he likes cars, mobile phones and football, but does not like the millions of Saracens (Muslims) that have been allowed, for some reason, to invade England (photo Outta Time Media)

 

 

"Cniht, Angelcynn beseon micel lytlian nu, eac I sceawian þæt feasceafig Saracens becuman habt. Hu on eormengrund war þæt motan zum befeallan?!" ("England looks so different now, and I see the wretched Muslims have invaded. How on Earth was that ever allowed to happen?!")

Æðelred, who was born in 883 A.D., is a "middle-aged" 21 years old in 904, and is married to Hereswið, daughter of Cuðbert of Mercia. They have two young children: Earpwald, a boy, and Æðelberga, a girl (nicknamed "Tata").

Æðelred excitedly told us "Jae cniht, gif min wif ond lytling hwanon scewian nu, man noht gelifan habt!" ("Yeah boy, if my wife and kids could see me now, they'd be freaking out!")

Asked further what he thinks of modern, 21st century England, Æðelred stated that he likes cars, mobile phones and football, but he's most shocked and dismayed by the presence of so many millions of Muslims, a state of affairs that would be utterly unthinkable in Anglo-Saxon England.

"Ic sceawian þætse bigongen Mahometans anforlætaned þæt earmcearig gebæros æt eall habban noht!" ("I see that the Mahomet worshipers have not abandoned their wretched attitudes at all!")

Although he admits he never actually saw a Muslim before this accidental trip, he'd heard plenty of horror stories from kinsmen on the Continent who'd actually battled them in Northern Spain (Al-Andalus, at the time).

 

 

"Saracens giet ætywan earmlice idel gelic Ic hieran, man andgitfullice restan hæste hæþen hwa næfre giefan awiht aber geornfulnes man agan foldweg." ("The Muslims still appear wretchedly worthless, like I've heard, and clearly they remain nothing but violent heathens who never give anything but always demand their own way.")

Æðelred said that although he does want to go home to the 10th century at some point, he's content for now to hang out in the 21st in order to see what he can do about lowering the Muslim population, especially in his old family stomping grounds of Wessex.

"Eower Cyning oþþe hwa æfre dysig assa, Ic gecweðan im mit." ("Your King, or whatever you have now, must be an idiot, I wish to speak to him about this unfolding disaster.")

When a government Minister -- clearly caught up in the moment and not thinking along the appropriate timeline -- informed him that he would now certainly be the most famous Anglo-Saxon individual in history, even more famous and celebrated than King Edward the Confessor, Æðelred replied:

"Hwa þæt heilege ist Edward the Confessor? Ist am Cyning hwa eormengrund motan aesc-wriglig Saracens zu sprech, im Angelcynn hier mit?!"  ("Who the hell is Edward the Confessor? Is he the idiot I need to talk to to about all these wretched Muslims arse-wagging everywhere?!")

 

 

JUST ANNOUNCED: 1ST ANNUAL "POO-POO ON A QU-QU" DAY!

   

 

  

August 20, 2010

(Washington) Much to the chagrin of the embattled president, the Speaker of the House, all the Libtards on the Left, as well as most Mo-Mo worshipers (Mu-Mu's) in America, the 1st annual "Poo-Poo on a Qu-Qu" day has just been announced!

In stark contrast to the outrage surrounding the plan by the Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Florida to burn Qu-Qu's on September 11th to protest the violent, racist, misogynistic, alien, fascistic, fatalistic, paedophilic, paederastic, unfantastic, non-supercalifragilistic and downright nasty-ass and decidedly un-expialidocious ideology of the Mu-Mu's, this popular new protest actually has the support of the "green" oriented recycling movement in the U.S., as well as the enthusiastic backing of the farming-fertilization division of the Department of Agriculture.

 

 

(Note: For some, depending on spelling preference, this event can also be promoted as "Poo-Poo on a Koo-Koo" day; however, anyone promoting it as "Poo-Poo on a Qoo-Qoo" Day is clearly an ignorant apostate from the cause, and will be immediately Ki-Ki'd).

 

Ed "Greenhouse" Brown, spokesman for the Assistant to the Assistant Secretary of the Undersecretary's Assistant Legal Secretary of the USDA, could barely contain his excrement excitement.

"Not only do Americans get to protest the Mu-Mu's for all the evil crap that's in their Qu-Qu's, they also help to bring awareness to the necessity of recycling the millions of Qu-Qu's that have been dropped on us by the Saudis. The U.S. really needs to clear out some inventory, and these patriotic Americans can doo-doo it in a way that benefits American farmers and their arable lands. It's just fantastic all 'round!"

 

This Qu-Qu (or Koo-Koo) will be just one of the millions that will help American farmers (photo courtesy of Saudi Qu-Qu's Everywhere, Worldwide, in Your Face!)

Arable land that will benefit from the "Poo-Poo on a Qu-Qu" Day promotion (photo courtesy of O.W. Douglas Media)

 

"Poo-Poo on a Qu-Qu" Day is set for September 31st at any American farm near you. Qu-Qu's will be available at all locations, but feel free to bring one if you happen to unfortunately own it -- no que-que's asked -- and would like to donate it to the cause of future-fresh and tasty produce.

**JUST ANNOUNCED**

A vast series of all-you-can-eat "Fuel for Patriots" night-before banquets will be held in most rural ares in the continental United States!!

Check the website for dinner details and pre-register at ReleaseTheBeasts.com. Sign up by September 15th and you'll receive 20% off your "Fuel for Patriots" feast!

 

ER'sB asks: Fa-Fa?

 

U.K. Government Appeals For Fresh Euphemisms For "Asians" After Real Asians Begin To Complain

  

 

  August 18, 2010

  

(Westminster) In the years since the multi-cultural revolution took place in Britain, it has been the practice of Her Majesty's Government to do everything possible to avoid offending anyone, at any time, in any place, over anything. To achieve this goal, euphemisms have become the standard of the day.

"I say old man, by not referring to horrid people as what they actually are, especially the Muzzies, we have achieved peace and harmony in our lovely multi-cultural society" explained U.K. Immigration Minister Sir Lord Charles Monteforte-Stanley Hee Hee.

However, this practice has instead caused great confusion and consternation in some parts of the country, most notably in the actual Asian communities in and around London.

 

"I say old man" said Sir Lord Charles Monteforte-Stanley Hee Hee, U.K. Immigration Minister (photo courtesy of Prince Albert in a Can-Can)

 

It was revealed to ER'sB recently that actual Asians, of the traditional Asian persuasion, have been protesting to the Government about the rampant confusion over their identity and intentions in the community.

Mr. Wok Chan of Soho explains "I work hard and make honest living, but tourists afraid to patronize store for fear of jihad, and I no do jihad! I am Buddhist for Chrissake, and my wife no wear burqa!"

 

"I no do jihad!" insists Mr. Wok Chan, seen here with his wife at their Wimbledon home. (photo courtesy of The Muslim Guardian)

 

But Mr. Chan is by no means alone.

Isuzu "Toyota" Kawasaki, an Oxford Street tea and coffee merchant, said that since the multi-cultural revolution, his business has been down and he's considering relocating to Whitechapel in East London, a predominantly Muslim enclave.

"I may as well move over there because every day someone comes in and asks me if we're really trying to take over Britain, if we want a Caliphate, if I'm offended by pork, and just yesterday a lady asked if I'd really cut her head off if she drew Mohammad, can you believe that? I've about had it. I'm 78 years old, I survived the fire-bombing of Tokyo during the war, and now people assume that because I'm Asian I must be Muslim, when most Muslims aren't even Asians!"

 

In London's East End, Whitechapel, a group of Muslims "Asians" gather for a convention on violent Jihad "Peace & Love" (courtesy of UKisGettingSharia.gov)

 

Mr. Kawasaki continued. "In this PC age they call them Asian in order to avoid calling them Muslim, I guess because it offends some to be called Muslim when they can assume some other identity in order to avoid terror surveillance or whatever" said the talkative coffee seller.

"I can't seem to get away from that label so if a change of euphemism can't be found for them I might as well set up shop in the East End because business sucks over here these days. People are afraid I'm going to wage some kind of Holy War, and there are about a million Pakis to sell my tea and coffee to in Whitechapel. Surely I won't get as many damned questions about Allah" he added.

 

"A lady asked if I'd really cut her head off if she drew Mohammad, can you believe that?" said Isuzu "Toyota" Kawasaki, an Oxford Street merchant (Islam4UK Media)

 

Immigration Minister Lord Hee Hee said that his office takes the complaints seriously. "I said to the old man, Kawasaki, why not talk to your people and see what arrangement can be made. I suggested that we just call the Orientals 'gooks' and leave the 'Asian' label to the Mohammadans, but the old fellow became upset, so I realized that we have to do something else. Yes, indeed." 

That's when the idea to ask the public for suggestions came about.

"The first day we had it in the The Illustrated London News the response was overwhelming. I've never seen so many bomb threats and vows to behead anyone who messed with the Mahoundians over this" he said. "But they're just a little prickly because someone has questioned changing their euphemism, and Her Majesty's Government is quite sensitive to that kind of overt racism."

 

"Just a little bit prickly." Muslim Asian men threatening promising mass murder harmony and unity (courtesy Allahu Akbar!!! Magazine)

 

"It's true that several dozen young Christian girls have been gang-raped and a Synagogue full of Jews were put in hospital, but all in all the reaction has been very mild and acceptable. Really just like a stroll in the park on a Sunday afternoon" he added.

"We are still seeking suggestions of the non-exploding variety, though, and if your readers have ideas for a new euphemism for our Muselmen that they'd like to share, please tell them to let us know, will you? Cheerio!"

Lord Hee Hee then turned on his heel and, with his walking cane by his side, quickly strolled out of view into the early morning London fog.

 

  

 

IRAN WANTS TO PUT MEN INTO PANTS BY 2019, SAYS AHMADINEJAD

 

July 23, 2010 

 

 

 

A traditional Islamic man's full-length dress (photo courtesy of al-Killyah TV)

 

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said on Friday that Iran would put its first man into a pair of pants by 2019, Iran's English-language Press reported.

In February Iran tested several different kinds of fabrics in order to determine the comfort levels men will require after having spent their entire lives wearing long, flowing, gown (or robe) like dresses. Ahmadinejad said Tehran hoped to put Muslim men into underwear by the end of the decade as well.

Western countries suspect Iran is trying to counter the well-founded impression that a large number of Muslim men are secretly homosexual, cross-dressing, pedophilic sadists, and that this is why the government is attempting to encourage the idea that Muslim men should slip out of their slips, corsets and dresses, and get into a pair of pants, like real men wear.

  

"I myself love dresses, but to be taken seriously on the world stage, I must insist that we all switch to pants" said President Ahmadinejad (courtesy of the TV Program Shi'ite Tonight!)

  

The Islamic Repbublic of Iran, the world's largest pain-in-the-ass-terror generator, has always insisted on plain but sexy full-length dresses for its men and dewy boys. 

"The tradition began with the Prophet Mohammad at the beginning of Islam" said Ahmadinejad. "Our Prophet enjoyed wearing his wife Aisha's clothing, and so that tradition has come down to us from that time. Today, however, the world is just laughing at us, so we have to get into pants as soon as possible" he said.

 

 

Little Muslim boys have always liked wearing dresses: "I feel really pretty, like a western girl" said 7-year old Muhammad (Worldwide Aisha's Pants)

 

As for underwear, though, Ahmadinejad admitted that would be a very tough sell for Muslim men; much tougher even than convincing them to switch to pants.

"In our Islamic culture men have not traditionally worn underwear. That's because we don't have bathrooms, so we just go wherever we're standing, and underwear would tend to impede the natural fall of the...debris" said Iran's President.

Unfortunately, while there are no Islamic fatwas regarding men and boys wearing dresses, there are fatwas against toilets and other such modern (satanic) plumbing devices. So don't expect to hear anything about bathroom facilities anytime soon from the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Oh, and no toilet paper either.

"That is what the left hand is for, inshallah" Ahmadinejad insisted.

 

Religiously forbidden by fatwa (PUI)

 

 

 

U.K. One Baby In Four Born To Migrants: Multiple Wives Of "Asians" To Credit?

  

22 July, 2010

  

 

Almost a quarter of babies are born to immigrant mothers, an official breakdown showed yesterday.

The survey found that 24.7 per cent of children born last year have mothers who were born abroad – and that the numbers of multi-wife households has quadrupled since the late 1990s.

The sharply rising numbers have some concerned that polygamy may be running rampant in the Asian communities in Britain.

 

Two Asian Housewives, Mrs. Khan and Mrs. Khan in London, fresh from a Halal market shopping spree (photo courtesy Asians4UK Media)

 

The figures produced fresh warnings to ministers that immigration rates must be brought down to avoid the growing threat of overpopulation in Britain.

New Minister of Immigration, Sir Lord Charles Montforte-Stanley Hee Hee of the Lib-Dem Coalition Arrangement, said that he didn't see a problemn with babies and doesn't understand why anyone would be concerned.

 

Sir Lord Charles Montforte-Stanley Hee Hee, Immigration Minister of Great Britain (photo courtesy of Albert In A Can-Can)

 

Lord Hee Hee stated "I say old boy, what is all this concern? Our Asian immigrants are a vital part of multicultural Britain, and to disagree is blasphemy! Blasphemy I tell you!"

The ONS has predicted that the UK Asian population will hit the sensitive 70 million mark in 2014 at these birth rates.

Lord Hee Hee, when confronted with these frightening numbers, simply mumbled something like "why does everybody hate new babies" before simply strolling away into the mists of the early London morning.

 

British citizen, the 3rd Mrs. Asif Hussain, with her 26th child Mohammad (photo courtesy A.Choudary Media)

 

 

MODERN FATWAS OF THE PRIMITIVE MOHAMMADANS (Installment II)

 

"HARAM!"

  

So, is what you plan on doing "haram (bad)" or "halal (good)?" 

It's so hard to tell with primitive Mohammadans, isn't it? For example, did you know there's a fatwa on how to urinate? Yep. There's a right way, and a right way. That's not a mistake: there's a right way to piss, and a right way as well -- that fatwa only applies to men, though. Somehow, I get the impression that women just aren't very important in Islam, except for use as sex-toys, punching bags, and portable breeding machines.

I don't know where I would have gotten that idea?  

  

(She's not oppressed, or "lesser" ya know)

  

Could it be possibly be the systematic, institutionalized abuse of women and girls?

The question comes down to Islam and "everyone else." Is it possible to live in harmony with such graceless troglodytes who believe themselves to be superior to "everyone else?" The answer is NO.

The two cultures are simply not compatible and never ever will be, despite what the PC/MC elite wish you to believe. Every fatwa (including the ones I highlight here) are glaring evidence that we are just wasting our time "trying" with these Moslem ingrates:

  

 

FATWA: THE SUITABLE AGE FOR MARRIAGE

"I'm getting married in the morning...?"

 

(Note: this fatwa does not fudge Aisha's age)

The Suitable Age For Marriage

Question: What is the suitable age for marriage for men and women, because some young women do not accept marriage from those who are older than them? Likewise, some men do not marry women who are older than them. We request a response and may Allaah reward you with goodness (Fat chance - ER)

Answer: I advise young women not to refuse marriage from a man due to his age, such as being ten, twenty or thirty years older than her. This is not a reason, because the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi was salam, married 'A'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, when he was fifty-three years old and she was a girl of nine years old. So being older does not harm.  He married 'A'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, when she was small - six or seven years old and he was fifty-three years old. Many of those who speak on the radio or television deter people from marriage between men and women of differing ages - this is all wrong & saying such things is not permissable for them. (ER'sB analysis: SCREW YOU Sheik "Bin Baz" you sick troglodyte pig! We have First Amendment rights in America and other freedoms in the west and we SAY WHAT THE TRUTH IS whether you like it or not!)

Shaykh `Abdul-`Azeez Bin Baz

Fatawa Islamiyah, volume 5, The Book of Marriage, page 169-170

"With this knife I thee wed...?"

 

"Ooh baby, I can't wait to get you into bed...?"

 

Is this father, mother and baby...or husband, wife #1 and wife #2? So hard to tell with these 7th Century "brains (?)"

 

Fucking Pig (photo courtesy of Hell)

"A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However, he should not penetrate. If he penetrates and the child is harmed then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however would not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl's sister." Ayatollah Khomeini   (The complete Persian text of this saying can be found in "Ayatollah Khomeini in Tahrirolvasyleh, Fourth Edition, Darol Elm, Qom")

 

HEY IT'S GOOD NEWS EVER`BODY!

 

If you're a guy, it's okay to piss standing up because Mohammad did it at a garbage pit! (From the "If you have any doubts that Mohammad's dead-hand still controls all Muselmen" file).

However, Aisha had a different, bladder-busting story...you'll have to read on:

 

FATWA: THE RULING ON URINATING WHILE STANDING

 

The ruling on urinating while standing

Question: What is the ruling on a person urinating while standing, is it forbidden or permissible?

Answer: It is not forbidden for a person to urinate while standing, because it has been authentically reported by al Bukhari and Muslim, on the authority of Huthaifah, may Allah be please with him, that the Prophet (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) came to the rubbish pit of a people and urinated while standing (al-Bukhari no.226).  (Contradiction Alert):  But it is prescribed by the Sunnah for a person to urinate sitting, according to the words of A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, who said: ‘Whoever told you that the Prophet (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) urinated standing, do not believe him. He did not urinated except sitting.’ (At-Tirmithi no.12 and an-Nisaa’i no. 29). --------- ER'sB Analysis: Somebody saw Mo pissing at a rubbish pit, and he was standing. Aisha said Mo always pissed whilst sitting. This is the kind of bullshit crap these morons worry about! Not about treating their women well, not about being kind to their neighbors and affording everyone equal rights as fellow human beings, not about getting the fuck off of their asses and doing something POSITIVE for humanity, but about how Mohammad pissed. And then they wonder why we mock them so for being the Neanderthal primitives they've proven themselves to be! Note to Mohammadans: You deserve every joke and insult you get.

Permanent Committee for Research and Verdicts

Fatawa Islamiyah, Vol. 2, p36-37, DARUSSALAM.

 

"HALAL!"

 

"HALAL (TOO)!"

 

"I sometimes picked my nose and ate the boogers, are you going to put that in your ridiculous book, too?! Do morons like you have any idea how BAD you are making me look to Infidels in the future??!" yelled Mohammad, from Hell, up to Muhammad al-Bukhari, as he was writing his Hadith, which became Sahih (2nd only to the Qur'an for "authenticity").

 

 

 

FATWA: WHO IS ELIGIBLE FOR ZAKAAT (MUSLIM CHARITY DONATIONS)?

(I'll give you a hint: it ain't non-Mooslums)

Who is considered eligible to receive the Zakaat ?

It does not befit that the Zakaat be given to the one who does not utilize it for obedience to Allaah. For indeed Allaah The Most High has obligated it as an aid towards obedience to Him for whosoever is in need of it from the believers, such as the poor and those under debt or one who helps the believers. ER'sB Analysis: This makes it abundantly clear why Muslims and Islamic countries are so stingy with charity. You have to be an Allah slave to qualify. But remember, Mohammadans aren't bigoted against anyone, nosiree!

Shaykh ul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah

Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah min Fataawaa Shaikh ul Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah page 103

Translated by Aboo Haatim Muhammad Farooq ("Aboo Haatim Muhammad Farooq." Honestly, does that not sound like the vocalizations a chimp makes when it wants a banana??)

My apologies to the Chimp for lowering it to the level of primitive Mahoundians. - ER.

 

"The Prophet used his finger, like this..."

Oh, Apostle of Allah, do you have to piss again?"

 

ER'sB IS PROUD TO SUPPORT ISRAEL!

 

MODERN FATWAS OF THE PRIMITIVE MOHAMMADANS (Installment I)

  

"Haram!"

  

So, is that fun "thing" you want to do ok or not?  Is it "haram (bad)" or "halal (good)?"

It's so hard to tell with primitive Mohammadans, isn't it? For example, April Fool's Day is "haram," but a 54 year old man screwing a 9 year old girl is "halal."

Go figure!

I have noticed -- and you should take note as well -- that just about every fatwa "slams" the west in some way or another, disparaging our freedoms and enlightened pleasures. These are not simply "casual asides" comparing one culture to another, these are vicious attacks on western ideals.

The two cultures are simply not compatible and never ever will be, despite what the PC/MC elite wish you to believe:

  

  

 FATWA: APRIL FOOL'S DAY (from Portugal)

THERE IS NO FUN IN ISLAM AND APRIL FOOL'S DAY IS HARAM (but lying in general is okay -- if it's "necessary." See below)

"HARAM!"

 

  

Question:

What is your opinion concerning what we call April Fools’ Day? Is it permissible to propagate lies to accommodate customs? Is there a difference between a white lie and a black lie?

Answer:

Islam condemns lying. Good people in general consider it a vice. If lying is originally forbidden, then April Fools’ would consequently be forbidden because of the unwarranted dismay and chagrin it causes, even if it is for just one hour. It plays with people’s trust, and is a pure emulation of vice.

Consequently, lying is forbidden in any form, and on this occasion (April Fools’ Day) it is forbidden for four reasons:

1. The prohibition of lying which is confirmed by the Qur’an and the Sunnah,

(yeah, right!  Explain 3:28 and other verses referenced by the ulema in support of taqiyya -- 2:173, 2:185, 4:29, 16:106, 22:78, 40:28 - ER)

2. The unwarranted grief or fear it may bring on a person or his entire family, even if only for one hour,

3. The betrayal of trust it entails,

4. The emulation of a silly custom that is not ours, that of lying.

 

"HALAL!" Stoning is a Mohammadan custom that is not "silly."

iLying is forbidden unless it is for necessity.

(Q: So what is considered "necessity?" A: Whatever is convenient for any given Mohammadan at any given moment -ER)

  

ER'sB analysis: Mohammadans are lying scum taught from birth to lie to all non-Mohammadans. They should never be believed or trusted.

  

Country Of Origin : Portugal
Fatawa Issuing Body : Portugal
Author/Scholar : `Atiyyah Saqr, Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
Date Of Issue : 16/Apr/2007

 

 

 

FATWA: Pokemon Games

There is no fun in Islam, and Pokemon is a Zionist-Jewish conspiracy to screw with the minds of young Mohammadans.

"HARAM!"

 

Question:

Please I would like to know the stance of Islam on the children’s cartoon known as "Pokemon" which has sparked off frenzied controversy, to the extent that it has been banned by the Saudi government. 

Answer:

Haram!

Basis of the unlawfulness of Pokemon:

1- The cartoon contains items that run counter to the Muslim's creed, as it indirectly tries to give support to the controversial Darwin's theory of evolution, which indicates that every living species undergoes a gradual development, in the sense that the existing species produces new ones through adaptation to new surroundings. 

(Darwin's "theory" is accepted science you moron, but then cavemen like you have no inkling of science, do you? -ER)

2- It distorts the pure minds of children by presenting to them things that have no basis in human reasoning, and that are just the product of the authors' imagination, totally opposed to Almighty Allah's Scheme regarding nature. 

(Scheming god? Nah, scheming asshole murderous primitive Arab "prophet." -ER)

3- The cartoon poses a great risk to the child's mental development and his conduct, for it presents images full of action and violence, trying to make him believe that life is always a scene of battles where survival is for the fittest: another of Darwin's dogma.

No doubt, all of us have seen the negative effects of horror movies, which have posed as a disadvantage to most Western countries.

It is no wonder that serial killings take place on a daily basis among children at school.

(Yep, the west is just one murderous "wild west" show after another! That's what they teach their impressionable children in primitive Mohammadan lands -ER)

4- Pokemon is also a game supporting gambling which is totally forbidden in Islam, as it is considered part of Satan's abomination.

5- This game 'Pokemon' also contains some signs that have their meanings and known to their proponents, like'The Hexa Star', which has something to do with the Zionists and Masons, and it has become an emblem for the cancerous and usurping state known as Israel. 

Given all these facts, I consider that this cartoon game or movie is forbidden.

May Almighty Allah help us!

(No, may "Almighty Allah" help you once the west has fully awakened - ER)

 

ER'sB Analysis: A very muddled, ridiculous, and slanderous ruling made by one primitive for other primitives who still wipe their asses with their hands. 

 

"HARAM!"

 

Country Of Origin : Malaysia
Fatawa Issuing Body : Islam Online
Author/Scholar : Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
Date Of Issue : 30/Dec/2003

 

 

 

FATWA: MUSLIMS CELEBRATING VALENTINE'S DAY

THERE IS NO LOVE IN ISLAM, ONLY ASININE AND SLAVISH DEVOTION TO THE PUTRID CORPSE OF A PEDOPHILE WHO DIED 1,400 YEARS AGO.

 

"HARAM!"

 

Question:

What do you say to Muslims who celebrated Valentine's Day? Have they committed a sin? What is Islam's stance on celebrating Valentine's Day?

Answer:

Islam goes against celebrating Valentine's Day because commemorating that day is an innovation or bid`ah that has no religious backing, let alone the unlawful practices done during it that Muslims should not take part in.

(Oh yes Saint Valentine's Day does, just not the "religious" backing of primitive Mohammadanism. -ER)

It is unfortunate that many Muslims tend to copy and imitate others without understanding the backgrounds. Muslims must not dissolve the marked features of their identity. Muslims are only allowed to celebrate `Eid Al-Fitr and `Eid Al-Adha. Adding other days to the importance of `Eid is completely unacceptable and a blind imitation to un-Islamic traditions. We are cautioned against blindly following others. We should copy people in doing what is good and right, without compromising our faith. We should feel proud of our Islamic way of life.

(Actually, Mohammadan troglodytes should be ashamed of their primitive and ridiculous "way of life" and really ought to try and enter the modern era. Hell, we'd be happy if they just got to 1800 A.D. -ER)

 

ER'sB Analysis: It's a shame that Muhammadans in the west can't "legally" integrate to a point where they might actually be allowed to express something so simple, and beautiful, as love. Honor killing is fine, terrorism (jihad) is fine, even attempting to introduce draconian and primitive Sharia law to free lands is fine, but show love on Valentine's Day?? Just another example of how Mohammadanism and western-style freedoms mix as well as do oil and water.

Fatawa Issuing Body : islam online
Author/Scholar : Zienab Mostafa
Date Of Issue : 22/Feb/2007

 

 

 

FATWAH: BOYCOTTING ISRAELI AND AMERICAN GOODS

TAKE EVERY EVIL AND BARBARIC THING THAT YOU (AS A PRIMITIVE MUHAMMADAN COUNTRY) DO, AND PROJECT IT ONTO ISRAEL AND AMERICA, AND THEN DEMAND PUNISHMENTS FOR ISRAEL AND AMERICA.  IT'S LIKE WALKING UP TO A STRANGER, PUNCHING HIM IN THE FACE, AND THEN RUNNING AWAY SHOUTING THAT YOU'VE BEEN ASSAULTED.

 

"HALAL!"

 

Question:

Are we allowed to buy items from Israeli sources, even though this money may be used to help the Jewish “war machine”?


Answer:

American goods, exactly like “Israeli” goods, are forbidden. It is also forbidden to advertise these goods. America today is a second Israel. It totally supports the Zionist entity. The usurper could not do this without the support of America. “Israel’s” unjustified destruction and vandalism of everything has been using American money, American weapons, and the American veto. America has done this for decades without suffering the consequences of any punishment or protests about their oppressive and prejudiced position from the Islamic world.

The time has come for the Muslim Ummah to say “NO” to America, “NO” to its companies, and “NO” to its goods, which swamp our markets. We are eating, drinking, wearing and riding whatever America produces.

(Good, I hope you cavemen DO say "NO" to America, especially to the point where it's "NO I'M NOT MOVING TO AMERICA!" or better still "I'M MOVING BACK TO SHI'ITEHOLZ-ISTAN!" - ER)

The USA today is more than friends to our enemy; they would destroy themselves for Israel. The world wide Muslim Ummah numbering 1.3 billion, could cause pain to the USA and its companies by boycotting them. This is an obligation of our religion, and the way of Allah. Every Muslim that buys “Israeli” or American goods, when there is an alternative from other countries is committing a haram act. They are clearly committing a major sin, which is a crime against Allah’s Law, which invokes punishment from Allah, and the contempt of the people. 

 

ER'sB Analysis: The gall of these primitive ingrates is just appalling, isn't it? They walk around 24/7 in their Mohammadan pajamas feeling so superior to everyone else. Then, they go grab their 9 year old wives, or goats, whichever one smells worse from lack of modern hygiene. And this from a country we're wasting billions on and will never see positive results in?

 

 

Country of Origin : Afghanistan
Fatawa Issuing Body : Islam Online
Author/Scholar : Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
Date Of Issue : 18/Apr/2004

"The Prophet used his finger, like this..."

ER'sB IS PROUD TO SAY:

 

SPECIAL FEATURE: "Ask a Semi-Literate Musulman" (Installment III)

 

"Ask A Semi-Literate Musulman" is an exciting feature that appears weekly on Eleanor Ruth's Blog!  Viewers are invited to send in their questions -- on any topic -- and heck, we may just select yours to be answered personally (if not at all intelligibly) by our staff "Semi-Literate Musulman!"

 

Their be me, SLM (2st row, 2st from thanleft) ass I prey forthan Paeleostein starve peoples (courtesy of SLM Media)

 

 

"I luvthan Ismal and than blood to!" (kertsey ofthan SLM Media, Ltd)

 

 

 

 Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

I am planning a trip to Israel in the Fall and I am so excited! I have wanted to visit Israel since I was a little girl, and now almost all of the arrangements have been made. My question to you is, what can I expect weather-wise and what kind of clothes should I pack?

Thanks!

Sara in Bethesda

---------------

Deer Sraa hate bedthes.

It will be than defecult for me too anser yuor questin withot becuming very angry, than. Why do yuo want too go too thanJew state? Is it becuase yuo be than Jew to? I can may be let than slyde, butt not when it come to thanJew state Irseal!  Ireaseal is illegeul and yuo shold not go their! The way than jews attached than piece boat just tryng to get food to than starved paleostines were harble, sarar jew!  Why wood yuo want too go they're and suport than harble jew rejeem?? They rasical separation be aporthade! 

Are grated Porphort Muhamhead (MSNBC) say in than Hadteeth these about than awfil Jews:

 

"Judgement Day will not come until the Muslims fight the Jews, and the Muslims will kill the Jews, and then the Jews will hide behind stones or trees, and the stone or the tree will say: Oh Muslim, oh servant of Allah, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him - except for the Gharqad, which is a tree of the Jews."

 

 

 

Yuo see than Srar? Jews be harbble and they're blood must be spillt.  I hoped than yuo will reconsidur going too thanJew blood spillt place, Sar hate, I reely do!

 

Irseal isthan harble Jew place, uhsept forthan gorjiss moske rite they're with thangold top on than! (courtesy Al-Koods Revival Fund, Inc)

 

Hear isthan much niser place, Sarar bedthes hate! Kabool in Afhgniastun be lots more pretty than Irseal, than. Why yuo not go their uhsted? They be lots of Moslimes to, too keept yuo compney! (photo courtesy of Kabul Tourism Inc.)

 

Thnaks for than writ, Srar!

SLM

 

 

 

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

My cousin Billy converted to Islam when he was 19. He was in prison at the time and met an Imam named Faizel, who encouraged him to convert if he didn't want to be beaten up in the exercise yard! So you can see he converted under duress. Anyway, Billy has turned his life around and has since become a Christian. Any advice for him on how to talk to his (still) Muslim friends, some of whom are really nice?

Thanks!

Julie in Duluth

---------------

deere Jul hate Dulu,

Hear from thanBokohri abuot aporsty:

 

"Narrated Abdullah: Allah's Messenger said, "The blood of a Muslim who confesses that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah and that I am His Messenger, cannot be shed except in three cases: in Qisas (equality in punishment) for murder, a married person who commits illegal sexual intercourse and the one who reverts from Islam (Apostate) and leaves the Muslims." (Bukhari, volume 9, #17)

 

Ther be no compunction in inthan religoon, Jul hate. I be sow sorrythan, butt yuo brother must than be killt panefuly. Thank for let us know abuot his aportsty, we will soon take care of than!

 

Is yuor brother than good "Christin" danceer? I hop he can than "dance" good cause he have know choice, becuase Ullah be than mercyfil (courtesy Swingin' Islam magazine)

 

Thnks for sent in yuo qwestin!

SLM

 

 

 

Dear Semi-Literate Musulman,

It really worries me how dumb you are. Have you thought about leaving Islam and perhaps attending some classes...ANY classes? Your utter lack of normal, real-world knowledge or compassion is just breathtaking to behold. Every time I read your column I just want to throw up. Islam has destroyed your soul and, it appears, a very great number of your brain cells.

Thanks!

Jorge in the Midwest

------------------------

Deere jorege yuo hater!

They be .15 bullioun Moslimes onthan erth than are just lyke me yuo Ismalotropic hater hater!!!!!! And than .015 billious moslimes canot be rong! I be KNOT dumm, jroege midwifes, so why donot yuo just fork of, than!!!

 

Scru yuo, jroge hater HATER!!! (courtesy Rage Boy Ltd.)I

 

I wod luv too see yuo dye, hater!

SLM

 

 

 

 

ER'sB IS PROUD TO SAY:

COMPARATIVE PHOTO FEATURE: "ISLAM" & "THE LACK OF ISLAM"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM:

THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM:

 

THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM:

 

THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM:

 

 

THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM:

 

THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

???

"OH," BUT YOU SAY, "ELEANOR, THOSE POOR MUSLIMS LIVE IN DESERT CONDITIONS AND YOU'RE SHOWING COUNTER-PHOTOS OF NON-DESERT CONDITIONS. THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR!"

ALRIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH ISLAM:

 

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH ISLAM:

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH ISLAM:

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still undecided?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH ISLAM:

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

DESERT CONDITIONS WITH ISLAM:

OH WAIT, THIS ONE IS REALLY "GREEN" ISN'T IT?  I WONDER WHY?

 

HEY, THIS ONE IS TOO:

 

AND THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE ONE SATISFIED "FARMER!"

 

TOO BAD WHEAT ISN'T AN IMPORTANT ENOUGH CROP TO IRRIGATE AS WELL, IF AT ALL:

 

 

AND PRETTY POPPIES ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN SOME LITTLE KID DEHYDRATING TO DEATH:

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM DOES HAVE IT'S PRIORITIES, AFTER ALL:

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM:

 

THE LACK OF ISLAM!

 

 

 

 

 

ISLAM:

 

 

THE LACK OF ISLAM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHY INDEED?

(MORE) RANDOM SAMPLING OF VARIOUS ISLAMIC PRODUCTS AVAILABLE ONLINE!

 

You know, sometimes I just get on a "kick." Right now I'm on a "kick" about Islamic products available online. Here are some more I found:

 

 

MUSLIM NURSERY RHYMES FOR FUTURE SUPREMACISTS/JIHADISTS?

"Muhammad went and took a head, grabbed Aisha went to bed, when he woke the follow'n morn, he got nabbed for child porn!"

SOMEHOW, I DOUBT THAT PARTICULAR CLASSIC IS IN THIS LITTLE GEM OF A BOOK ($6.60), BUT DON'T YOU THINK IT OUGHT TO BE?

 

 

JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS! ANOTHER QUR'AN SPEWING ELECTRONIC DEVICE OF SOME SORT!

"Quran Multimedia Mobile phone ISLAM Muslim Religion Koran"

DIGITAL QURAN FEATURES
- Digital Holy Qur'an Text & Audio (114 Surahs)
- Recitation in voice of Shaikh Sudais & Shaikh Shuraim
- Qur'an Translation in English, French, Turkish, German, Indonesian,Malaysian and Urdu
- Complete Tafseer Ibn-e-Katherr Book Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim & Riyadh-us-Saliheen Books
- Qibla direction of all major cities of the world
- Prayer Times with Adhan Alarm
- Lot of other Islamic images and audio
- Qibla Compass

(NO PRICE LISTED)

I'M STARTING TO GET THE IMPRESSION THAT EVERYTHING EVERYONE DOES IN THE ISLAMIC WORLD CENTERS AROUND THE QUR'AN...OH WAIT, NEVERMIND.

 

 

 

AND JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THERE COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE ANOTHER...

"DIGITAL HOLY QURAN PLAYER"

Complete Holy Qur'an in 25 Translations
Holy Qur'an Arabic Text synchronized with voice with 25 Translations with auto as well as manual scroll facility.

(NO PRICE LISTED)

 

 

 

HERE'S ONE FOR WHEN THE ANTIQUES ROADSHOW HITS MECCA, WHICH ACCORDING TO THEIR SCHEDULE WILL BE HAPPENING ON THE 12th OF NEVER!

 

"! Muslim Mecca Compass Watch - circa 1972"

 

Made for a Muslim with compass for Mecca floating above dial under crystal.

All original and unused (NOS - New Old Stock) in storage for thirty-five years.

Mechanical automatic winding movement powered by the motion of wearing the watch.

Two world time rotating bezels.

All stainless steel case and bracelet.

Original hang tag, and paperwork explaining the functions.

Really odd timepiece!

$325.00

I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT "FINE" TIMEPIECES, BUT IF THIS ONE WAS MADE IN THE MUSLIM WORLD IN 1972, THAT MEANS IT LIKELY STOPPED RUNNING VERY EARLY IN 1973...IF NOT BEFORE.

 

 

 

 

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO PUT THIS SEXY THING ON AND HIT THE BEACH!  WHOO HOO!!

"MUSLIM SWIMWEAR"

(NO PRICE)

WAIT A MINUTE...IS SHE ALLOWED TO SHOW HER HANDS AND FEET LIKE THAT?!

WHORE!!!

 

 

 

I'VE NOTICED THERE ARE A LOT OF BOOKS ABOUT ISLAM AVAILABLE ONLINE. I'VE ALSO NOTICED THAT APPROX. 99.99% OF THEM ARE JUST INTERPRETATIONS -- OF SOME SORT OR ANOTHER-- OF THE QUR'AN AND/OR SUNNAH.

ER'sB SYNOPSIS: "MUSLIM SOCIETY IS IDEAL, KAFIR SOCIETY IS EVIL, SATANIC CRAP. MUSLIM SOCIETY MUST SUBJUGATE AND RULE KAFIR SOCIETY UNTIL THE ENTIRE WORLD BELONGS TO ALLAH. EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN IS PURELY ACADEMIC."

(PRICE £2.75)

 

 

 

AMERICAN FIRST, OR MUSLIM FIRST?

ACCORDING TO THE PEW RESEARCH POLL OF 2007: "Nearly half of Muslims in the U.S. (47%) say they think of themselves first as a Muslim, rather than as an American."

I THINK THERE ARE VERY GOOD REASONS TO NOT LIKE THOSE NUMBERS, OR THIS HIDEOUS (and overpriced) T-SHIRT:

 

 

American Muslim Women's T-Shirt ($22.00)

NEW FEATURE!! "GREAT ISLAMIC INNOVATIONS THROUGHOUT HISTORY" (Part I)

 

Great Islamic Innovations Throughout History is an exciting new feature on Eleanor Ruth's Blog (ER'sB)!! This new feature will highlight the technical innovations that have made a real difference in the world, especially those that have improved the health, happiness and well being not only of the Islamic peoples, but of all peoples everywhere!

For this feature, ER'sB contracted the most distinguished Muslim Scholars, Scientists, Engineers and Sociologists in the Islamic world to compile a list of what they feel are the most important innovations Islam has ever contributed to mankind!

Part I is called "Great Medical Innovations from the Islamic World!"