ER'sB !

MANSON FAMILY MEMBERSHIP UNAVAILABLE, SO ACTRESS IN BRITAIN JOINS ISLAM INSTEAD

 

 

 

Formerly respected actress Myriam-Francois-Cerrah, today just the latest "slave of Allah," and 4th wife of some primitive terrorist named Abdul (photo courtesy of Whattamoron Promotions)

 

Myriam Francois-Cerrah found fame as a child actress in the 90's hit film Sense and Sensibility.  Now she's known for being one of a growing number of educated middle class British females who've abandoned any and all sense and sensibility by converting to Islam.

"I wanted to join the Manson Family, but Charlie is in jail, and membership in Britain is not allowed, so the next best cult of death is Islam" she said.

"I so admired Susan Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkle and Squeaky Fromme, and what they did to advance peace in L.A. back in the 60's."

 

"Charlie is unavailable, but the Prophet Muhammad is very, very similar" said Francois-Cerrah (photo courtesy of Healter Skelter Monthly)

 

Francois-Cerrah says that after learning that joining the Manson death-cult was illegal in Britain, she began looking around for something else. Then came the September 11 terror attacks that led to her "intellectual" curiosity about Islam, and ultimately to conversion to the religion.  She initially suspected that the Prophet Muhammad was a man of peace, and after the 7/7 London bombings and then Madrid, she was "absolutely convinced" of it.

She also believes in unicorns, leprechauns, the righteousness of liberalism, and that her new husband Abdul loves her much more than his other wives. One of the ways she can tell is that he beats her far less frequently than the others.

 

"I just know Abdul loves me more than he loves Fatima, Aisha, or Aafia. He just has to, he just has to, he just has to, he just has to!" 

 

Francois-Cerrah says the radical fringe behind terror attacks doesn't represent the masses of ignorant, privileged Westerners like her who willingly and mindlessly join the fascist, misogynist "religion."

She concedes, however, that at least 5% of Muslims worldwide could be classified as enraged, Allahu Akbar screaming mass murderers.

Out of an estimated total of 1.5 Billion, that's many tens of millions of enraged, Allahu Akbar screaming mass murderers.

"But that's a very small percentage you see? You say it enough times to yourself over and over, you believe it," she said.

"You believe it. You believe it. You believe it. You believe it!" she repeated endlessly.

 

U.K. Woman teacher charged after 'having sex with two pupils' - Honor Killing scheduled for Friday after prayers

 

23 September, 2010

(Merseyside) A Muslim female whore and disgrace-to-her-honorable-family teacher at an all-boys school has been charged with sex offences against two pupils and sentenced to an excruciatingly painful death.

Hina Patel, 37, was working as a supply teacher when over a period of several weeks she allegedly engaged two boys, both 16, in sexual acts while at the school.

"In the final two days before my face is destroyed and my head reduced to nothing but a bloody pulp, I will try to remain positive!" said the smiling Patel (Liverpool Daily Shariah Post)

 

Patel was employed as a cover supervisor, filling short-term absences of teachers at Birkdale High School, Merseyside, which has 930 pupils aged 11 to 16.

She was immediately suspended from her position after the allegations emerged earlier this year and placed in family detention in the dirt-basement of her father's house.

Yesterday, she was brought before the Shariah Council of Merseyside and sentenced to be stoned to death on Friday after prayers in the town green. 

"I say old man" said Provisional Minister Lord Hee Hee (photo courtesy of Prince Albert in a Can Can)

 

"Jolly good, this new Shariah Britain is wonderfully effecient!" noted Provisional Minister for the Crown Sir Lord Charles Monteforte-Stanley Hee Hee.

"It reminds me of how justice was meted out in the good old days, under Edward the First. I am sure it will be just as effective a deterrent against such hideous crimes as drawing & quartering was for Longshanks. Remember William Wallace!" he said.

Patel, who will be buried up to her neck in the ground and then stoned with fist-sized rocks until her eyes pop out, her skull is destroyed, and her brain is the consistency of pudding, said she's trying to remain positive.

"I know I have offended Allah and the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH). Our prophet was such a good and decent man and taught the world so much, I deserve to be punished harshly for having done things he never would have approved of" she said.

 

Normally a field for football, on Friday after prayers, Hina Patel will be stoned to death for adultery here. Tickets are available at the Liverpool Muslim Society Mosque. Tell them you read about it on ER'sB and get 10% off your admission price for a limited time only!

 

Upon being informed of Mohammad's true, sociopathic personality and murderous deeds, her demeanor changed abruptly.

"You mean he was really evil and horrible and raped little girls and murdered people?!" she cried.

Lord Hee Hee, always at the ready to defend Islam on behalf of Her Majesties government, assured her it was all just being taken out of context, and that her impending brutal execution will, in fact, be just.

Ms. Patel's father, with the help of her two brothers, then grabbed her by the hair and threw her face-first into the boot of their car for the journey back to her basement cell to await her final disposition.

 

 

"All's well that ends well!" said Lord Hee Hee cheerfully, as he turned on his heel and, with his walking cane by his side, strolled quickly out of sight into the early morning mists of Merseyside.

 

TIME TRAVELER FROM 904 AD: "Hwa þætse Heilig þæt Feascefig Saracens On Angelcynn Motan?!? (Who The Hell Let All These Wretched Muslims Into England?!?)"

  

  

(Winchester, England) For one man, the simple act of attempting an alchemic-procedure in hopes of converting tin into gold more than a millennia ago, has become an astonishing adventure he'll never forget. 

Æðelred, son of nobleman Rægenhere of the Kingdom of Wessex in the year 904 A.D., believes he might have added just a tad bit too much lead into his mixture, and that that might have been what caused the time-portal to open, swallow him up, and deposit him in the very same spot in the year 2010 -- 1106 years in the future.

  

  

Fortunately for Æðelred, that spot is right in the middle of a modern-day cornfield.

He spoke to us in Old English through an interpreter, who explained that he was doing the best he could with this particular dialect, which was/is actually somewhat different than was previously thought.

"Ic andgitfullice macian a recceleas misdæd, ond Ic beon nu her!" ("I screwed it all up somehow, and I wound up here!")

 

Æðelred, son of nobleman Rægenhere in the Kingdom of Wessex (904 A.D.), says he likes cars, mobile phones and football, but does not like the millions of Saracens (Muslims) that have been allowed, for some reason, to invade England (photo Outta Time Media)

 

 

"Cniht, Angelcynn beseon micel lytlian nu, eac I sceawian þæt feasceafig Saracens becuman habt. Hu on eormengrund war þæt motan zum befeallan?!" ("England looks so different now, and I see the wretched Muslims have invaded. How on Earth was that ever allowed to happen?!")

Æðelred, who was born in 883 A.D., is a "middle-aged" 21 years old in 904, and is married to Hereswið, daughter of Cuðbert of Mercia. They have two young children: Earpwald, a boy, and Æðelberga, a girl (nicknamed "Tata").

Æðelred excitedly told us "Jae cniht, gif min wif ond lytling hwanon scewian nu, man noht gelifan habt!" ("Yeah boy, if my wife and kids could see me now, they'd be freaking out!")

Asked further what he thinks of modern, 21st century England, Æðelred stated that he likes cars, mobile phones and football, but he's most shocked and dismayed by the presence of so many millions of Muslims, a state of affairs that would be utterly unthinkable in Anglo-Saxon England.

"Ic sceawian þætse bigongen Mahometans anforlætaned þæt earmcearig gebæros æt eall habban noht!" ("I see that the Mahomet worshipers have not abandoned their wretched attitudes at all!")

Although he admits he never actually saw a Muslim before this accidental trip, he'd heard plenty of horror stories from kinsmen on the Continent who'd actually battled them in Northern Spain (Al-Andalus, at the time).

 

 

"Saracens giet ætywan earmlice idel gelic Ic hieran, man andgitfullice restan hæste hæþen hwa næfre giefan awiht aber geornfulnes man agan foldweg." ("The Muslims still appear wretchedly worthless, like I've heard, and clearly they remain nothing but violent heathens who never give anything but always demand their own way.")

Æðelred said that although he does want to go home to the 10th century at some point, he's content for now to hang out in the 21st in order to see what he can do about lowering the Muslim population, especially in his old family stomping grounds of Wessex.

"Eower Cyning oþþe hwa æfre dysig assa, Ic gecweðan im mit." ("Your King, or whatever you have now, must be an idiot, I wish to speak to him about this unfolding disaster.")

When a government Minister -- clearly caught up in the moment and not thinking along the appropriate timeline -- informed him that he would now certainly be the most famous Anglo-Saxon individual in history, even more famous and celebrated than King Edward the Confessor, Æðelred replied:

"Hwa þæt heilege ist Edward the Confessor? Ist am Cyning hwa eormengrund motan aesc-wriglig Saracens zu sprech, im Angelcynn hier mit?!"  ("Who the hell is Edward the Confessor? Is he the idiot I need to talk to to about all these wretched Muslims arse-wagging everywhere?!")

 

 

U.K. Government Appeals For Fresh Euphemisms For "Asians" After Real Asians Begin To Complain

  

 

  August 18, 2010

  

(Westminster) In the years since the multi-cultural revolution took place in Britain, it has been the practice of Her Majesty's Government to do everything possible to avoid offending anyone, at any time, in any place, over anything. To achieve this goal, euphemisms have become the standard of the day.

"I say old man, by not referring to horrid people as what they actually are, especially the Muzzies, we have achieved peace and harmony in our lovely multi-cultural society" explained U.K. Immigration Minister Sir Lord Charles Monteforte-Stanley Hee Hee.

However, this practice has instead caused great confusion and consternation in some parts of the country, most notably in the actual Asian communities in and around London.

 

"I say old man" said Sir Lord Charles Monteforte-Stanley Hee Hee, U.K. Immigration Minister (photo courtesy of Prince Albert in a Can-Can)

 

It was revealed to ER'sB recently that actual Asians, of the traditional Asian persuasion, have been protesting to the Government about the rampant confusion over their identity and intentions in the community.

Mr. Wok Chan of Soho explains "I work hard and make honest living, but tourists afraid to patronize store for fear of jihad, and I no do jihad! I am Buddhist for Chrissake, and my wife no wear burqa!"

 

"I no do jihad!" insists Mr. Wok Chan, seen here with his wife at their Wimbledon home. (photo courtesy of The Muslim Guardian)

 

But Mr. Chan is by no means alone.

Isuzu "Toyota" Kawasaki, an Oxford Street tea and coffee merchant, said that since the multi-cultural revolution, his business has been down and he's considering relocating to Whitechapel in East London, a predominantly Muslim enclave.

"I may as well move over there because every day someone comes in and asks me if we're really trying to take over Britain, if we want a Caliphate, if I'm offended by pork, and just yesterday a lady asked if I'd really cut her head off if she drew Mohammad, can you believe that? I've about had it. I'm 78 years old, I survived the fire-bombing of Tokyo during the war, and now people assume that because I'm Asian I must be Muslim, when most Muslims aren't even Asians!"

 

In London's East End, Whitechapel, a group of Muslims "Asians" gather for a convention on violent Jihad "Peace & Love" (courtesy of UKisGettingSharia.gov)

 

Mr. Kawasaki continued. "In this PC age they call them Asian in order to avoid calling them Muslim, I guess because it offends some to be called Muslim when they can assume some other identity in order to avoid terror surveillance or whatever" said the talkative coffee seller.

"I can't seem to get away from that label so if a change of euphemism can't be found for them I might as well set up shop in the East End because business sucks over here these days. People are afraid I'm going to wage some kind of Holy War, and there are about a million Pakis to sell my tea and coffee to in Whitechapel. Surely I won't get as many damned questions about Allah" he added.

 

"A lady asked if I'd really cut her head off if she drew Mohammad, can you believe that?" said Isuzu "Toyota" Kawasaki, an Oxford Street merchant (Islam4UK Media)

 

Immigration Minister Lord Hee Hee said that his office takes the complaints seriously. "I said to the old man, Kawasaki, why not talk to your people and see what arrangement can be made. I suggested that we just call the Orientals 'gooks' and leave the 'Asian' label to the Mohammadans, but the old fellow became upset, so I realized that we have to do something else. Yes, indeed." 

That's when the idea to ask the public for suggestions came about.

"The first day we had it in the The Illustrated London News the response was overwhelming. I've never seen so many bomb threats and vows to behead anyone who messed with the Mahoundians over this" he said. "But they're just a little prickly because someone has questioned changing their euphemism, and Her Majesty's Government is quite sensitive to that kind of overt racism."

 

"Just a little bit prickly." Muslim Asian men threatening promising mass murder harmony and unity (courtesy Allahu Akbar!!! Magazine)

 

"It's true that several dozen young Christian girls have been gang-raped and a Synagogue full of Jews were put in hospital, but all in all the reaction has been very mild and acceptable. Really just like a stroll in the park on a Sunday afternoon" he added.

"We are still seeking suggestions of the non-exploding variety, though, and if your readers have ideas for a new euphemism for our Muselmen that they'd like to share, please tell them to let us know, will you? Cheerio!"

Lord Hee Hee then turned on his heel and, with his walking cane by his side, quickly strolled out of view into the early morning London fog.

 

  

 

U.K. One Baby In Four Born To Migrants: Multiple Wives Of "Asians" To Credit?

  

22 July, 2010

  

 

Almost a quarter of babies are born to immigrant mothers, an official breakdown showed yesterday.

The survey found that 24.7 per cent of children born last year have mothers who were born abroad – and that the numbers of multi-wife households has quadrupled since the late 1990s.

The sharply rising numbers have some concerned that polygamy may be running rampant in the Asian communities in Britain.

 

Two Asian Housewives, Mrs. Khan and Mrs. Khan in London, fresh from a Halal market shopping spree (photo courtesy Asians4UK Media)

 

The figures produced fresh warnings to ministers that immigration rates must be brought down to avoid the growing threat of overpopulation in Britain.

New Minister of Immigration, Sir Lord Charles Montforte-Stanley Hee Hee of the Lib-Dem Coalition Arrangement, said that he didn't see a problemn with babies and doesn't understand why anyone would be concerned.

 

Sir Lord Charles Montforte-Stanley Hee Hee, Immigration Minister of Great Britain (photo courtesy of Albert In A Can-Can)

 

Lord Hee Hee stated "I say old boy, what is all this concern? Our Asian immigrants are a vital part of multicultural Britain, and to disagree is blasphemy! Blasphemy I tell you!"

The ONS has predicted that the UK Asian population will hit the sensitive 70 million mark in 2014 at these birth rates.

Lord Hee Hee, when confronted with these frightening numbers, simply mumbled something like "why does everybody hate new babies" before simply strolling away into the mists of the early London morning.

 

British citizen, the 3rd Mrs. Asif Hussain, with her 26th child Mohammad (photo courtesy A.Choudary Media)

 

 

UK IMMIGRATION MINISTER RULED "RATHER UN-BRITISH," ORDERED DEPORTED

 

July 18, 2010

  

(LONDON)  Britain has banned and ordered deported its Immigration Minister, Damien Green, after Mr Green said there would not be a ban on burqas in Britain.

 

Damian Green had said that banning the burqa would be ''rather un-British'' and would run contrary to conventions of a ''tolerant and mutually respectful society.''

He had ignorantly pontificated that it would be ''undesirable'' for Parliament to vote on a burqa ban and that there was no prospect of the Coalition government proposing it.

 

"What the hell do you mean 'I hope you like sand?'" asked disgraced former Minister Damien Green (PUI)

 

MR GREEN FOUND OUT DIFFERENTLY

The Home Office, citing common sense along with a new poll showing that 70% of the British population strongly support a burqa ban, said "Minister Green, now former Minister Green, took the wrong occassion and spoke out of turn. In fact, he spoke stupidly, and has proven himself to be rather un-British. We are ordering him banned from Whitehall and he is to be deported to the Shari'ah-compliant country of his choosing. Either Saudi Arabia, Saudi Arabia, or Saudi Arabia."

 

Saudi Arabia: Former Minister Green's new street view (photo courtesy Miguel Cruz)

 

Mrs. Green was not permitted by her husband to comment (photo courtesy A.Choudary Promotions)

 

MP Lord Ahmed, when asked about this very unusual reaction, said "I called the Queen about this and she told me to fuck off and die. Just like that she said 'fuck off and die'...I couldn't believe it!  I told her I would mobilise 10,000 angry Muslims to attack Buckingham Palace, and she said if I did she'd have my head and then she'd order Prince Philip to piss down my severed neck. What has happended to dhimmi Britain, I ask you?"

 

"Fuck off and die!" said the Queen to MP Lord Ahmed (photo courtesy of A. Choudary Promotions)

 

Prince Philip, ready to piss down MP Lord Ahmed's severed neck if ordered to by the Queen. "I'll happily hose down the wretched little brown-skinned Muzzie" said the Prince, mincing no words as usual (courtesy R2 Communucations Ltd, UK)