June 6, 2010
Martyr Rachel Corrie™, peacefully demonstrating for Palestinian children the correct posture for hanging curtains (UPS)
Hello, this is Rachel Corrie™'s agent. You remember Rachel Corrie™, don't you? She was the sweet, fun-loving young American girl murdered so ruthlessly by the Israeli Defense Forces in 2003 while only trying to protect the backyard kool-aid stand of some young, sweet, fun-loving Palestinian children?
Of course you remember her, how could anyone forget such a brilliant young woman who was so full of promise? That is, until she was brutally destroyed by those apartheid Israeli monsters!
You might be wondering, why does Rachel Corrie™ need an agent when she was flattened over seven years ago? Well, in case you're not aware, Rachel Corrie™ has transcended both life and death, and has become an industry in and of her self, thin though it may be.
There was, of course, "My Name Is Rachel Corrie™," the runover, I mean, runaway hit play in London and New York, and there were the Movie of the Week negotiations as well as all the T-shirts, mugs, bumperstickers and balloons -- not to mention the ship just seen in the news recently, the Rachel Corrie™!
The Rachel Corrie™ at dock in Ireland (Ire Killyah Media)
Rachel Corrie™ has become a household name all over the world, and all that fame and profit needs to be managed by a professional like me. Besides, it would be impossible for her poor parents to manage it, traveling all over the world like they do, accepting awards, demonizing Israel while being accidentally almost kidnapped by the very people they're shilling for, etc. They're really busy people, and as long as they get their check from the Rachel Corrie™ Fund every month, they're more than happy to let me run things.
Rachel Corrie™'s parents, accepting an award from a delighted Yassir Arafat (courtesy PLO Promotions)
Anyway, what I'm really writing about today is our desperate need to get everybody together and destroy Israel, okay? Rachel Corrie™ would want everyone to do that. She would want you to do that. Are you going to let Rachel Corrie™ down, friend?
International Solidarity Movement martyr Rachel Corrie™ in a post mortem photo (courtesy of IHOP)
Site of the former Kool-Aid stand of the Palestinian children Rachel Corrie™ died protecting (PLO Promotions)
I mean, you know? Come on, level with me here...everyone knows Israel must be destroyed, and who better to help do it than the friends of Rachel Corrie™?
Listen buddy, here's what you do, it's really easy. Just book a trip to Israel, lie your ass off and tell them you're simply a "tourist," then when you get there, slip over into Gaza and start raising hell! It's what Rachel Corrie™ and her BFF's did, and you can follow their example.
Just do everything in your power to put the lives of the evil Israelis in danger and, whatever you do, don't let them hurt any peaceful Palestinians. It's easy peezy Jap-an-neezy, ya know?
A peaceful Palestinian child (right) demonstrates how the evil Israelis should be greeted when encountered on the street (PicOfTheDay)
Well that's all the time I have to write today, I have to go to my 13th meeting with that movie studio, you know, the one that keeps forgetting we had appointments? Anyway, wish me luck, and, if you or someone you know is in the market to buy a really great screenplay, will you give me a ring? Thanks, friend!
Peace,
Rachel Corrie™'s Agent
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