June 14, 2010
(Mecca, Saudi Arabia) Islamic Scholars stunned the Muslim world today when they unveiled a newly discovered Islamic document that they say proves beyond any doubt that the Muslim Prophet Muhammad, as well as the Islamic god "Allah," are complete and utter frauds. Since the official announcement came early this morning, it has been estimated that at least 1/3 of the "Ummah (worldwide community of Muslims)" has simply dropped dead of unbridled embarrassment.
Still more in the restive Islamic world have been described as being in a complete state of "apoplexy" regarding the stunning announcement. Many millions have been seen falling down before Jews, Christians, Hindus, Zoroastrians and others, and begging forgiveness of them.
Islamic Scholars say the newly discovered document, conclusively linked to Muhammad, is "...sort of a farewell apology. In fact it very well could be an unused suicide note." (al-Khillyah TV)
Dr. Muhammad al-Musharee of the Islamic University of Medinah, translated several key lines from the ancient document, which has many gaps:
"...lied about Allah, he doesn't exist. I just made him up and (missing words) never met the (missing word) Gabriel in the cave, I was actually there meeting a (missing word) lover. The Jews are actually the best of (missing word) and I regret any trouble I've caused them. Please let (missing word) know that I am so sorry I (missing word) her when she was 9. In closing, this fraud must now come clean and (missing section)...I know that I am crazy so please don't allow any of the (missing word) that I said be written down or passed on. God forbid (missing word) take my insane ramblings seriously or (missing section)...Sincerely, Muhammad."
Reaction from Islamic terrorists was swift. Osama Bin Laden, upon receiving the news, promptly shaved his beard and donned a three piece western-style suit and tie. When asked what he was going to do now, he replied "I have billions, so I'm off to Monte Carlo to to gamble, drink and enjoy my wealth for once!"
Others weren't so eager to give up their hateful and violent lifestyles.
Terrorist Aali Beheshti told a group of reporters that he's not that disappointed that Allah and Muhammad were frauds, and that he's already moving into another area of the hate and violence business.
"Well, there's still Manson, right? He wants followers to blow up things and kill innocent people, right? So, I'll just worship him instead" said former Islamic terrorist Aali Beheshti, who now wishes to be knows only as "Charles" (courtesy of Jinn Media)
This is, of course, breaking news, and many details are not in yet. We'll keep you posted as this incredible story continues to unfold!
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