August 31, 2010
RAMALLAH, West Bank — Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas warned Tuesday that while the PA will continue the charade of of sorta desiring peace talks with Israel, they have no intention of ever settling.
The negotiations-for-show-purposes-only are set to resume this week with a gala summit meeting in Washington after months of American mediation efforts spearheaded by Barack Obama, who is best known as the worlds most prominent spokesman for Islam.
Abbas did, however, encourage the Israelis to continue building expensive houses and adding pricey amenities such as central air conditioning and swimming pools, noting that when Allah's soldiers take over all of Israel, he wants them to have as much luxury as the filthy Jews can afford to leave behind.
"Jews won't need swimming pools when we give them the sea" he said.
Ironically, Israelis themselves are divided over the settlements in the West Bank, but Abbas was dismissive of any claims, by Israelis, to anything whatsoever in Israel. He proclaimed:
"Our great Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) once flew to Jerusalem on a magic donkey, in a dream, so that makes all of Israel ours!"
Laughter immediately erupted in the pressroom, but when Abbas failed to smile after the punchline, those present realized that he was not joking.
It's a laugh a minute with straight-faced funny man Mahmoud Abbas of the Looneytunes Guild "Palestinian Authority" (photo courtesy of the TV show Shi'ite Tonight!)
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, when told of the statement, said "last night I dreamt that Megan Fox came to my office and gave me a lap dance. Should that mean I now have the right to demand that she actually come to my office and give me a lap dance?!"
Lap dance? Dream on (EW)
"Abbas is a ridiculous mental midget who actually represents something much closer to the Looneytoons Guild than any kind of serious government" the Israeli Prime Minister growled.
AT ER'sB, WE ARE PROUD TO SAY: