(Copiapo) Chile completed its flawless rescue of 33 miners trapped for a record 10 weeks, sparking euphoria around the world as Muslim leaders announced Chile could not have done it without them.
"Take zero for instance," said Turkey's Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan. "Did you notice the shape of the escape tunnel? It's in the form of a zero, and we Muslims, the best of peoples, came up with zero, so we deserve full credit for making the rescue possible."
In reality, it was a Hindu mathemetician, Aryabhata, in India before 400 BC who actually invented zero, according to an incredulous Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India, who couldn't stop laughing when told of Erdogan's remarks.
"Zero, we invented it, see? So we deserve all the credit" said Turkish PM Erdogan (AFP)
From Lebanon, where he is on some kind of ridiculous "mission," Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad took a short break from cracking jokes about the Holocaust to second Erdogan, and to question the West's priorities.
"Isn't it just like those Great Satan societies of the decadent West to be so very concerned about a few grimy miners when there are still Jews left in the world who haven't been beheaded yet? But still in all, praise be to Allah for having effectively allowed this rescue, they couldn't have done it without the influence of our great Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)."
After a spellbinding 22-hour drama that captivated hundreds of millions around the world, late Wednesday the last of the miners, grizzled leader Luis Urzua, capped an against-all-odds operation hailed by Chile's president as an inspiration to the world.
"And one, we Muslims invented that too, and you'll notice that the Chili's (sic) only needed one rescue capsule. Coincidence? I think not" said Ahmadinejad (photo courtesy of the TV show Shi'ite Tonight!)
U.S. President Obama made this statement when asked about the miners:
"Don't let me down in November, America. Don't make me look bad, I mean it. I'm serious. You won't like me if I end up looking bad."
"No, I really mean it. I do. I double mean it, so don't you even think of daring to do that to me" (photo courtesy of Alinsky-Lewinski Solutions, LLC)
Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf noted that "it would be in the best interests of the West to give us full credit for this rescue, otherwise a great many Muslims will be very, very angry. I cannot protect the West from them unless the West concedes fully to my demands."