September 15, 2010
(Washington) Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer wants every American to know that he jusht poopied in his pantshh.
Following his appearance on Good Morning America earlier this week, where he postulated that Koran burning is not something that is protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution anymore, the Justice was strapped into his wheelchair and safely whisked back to the basement of the Supreme Court Building in Washington, where he is tended around the clock by a team of nurses.
The 72-year old Breyer, the nations first noted high public servant to have been diagnosed with Alzheimeric Liberal Dementia (ALD), was said to be resting more comfortably once his trousers were changed, and his jello was served.
"Where did my nurshh put my denshhures??"
"Pleeesh tell 'Mericans I jusht poopied in my pantshh and I can't helpsh it" said the semi-lucid Breyer, who was strapped down for a brief interview.
"I fear Mushlims and their Shheeehad, I really do, and 'Mericans shhhhould fear themsh too. Pleeesh tell 'Mericans not to burn a koransh, and that I poopied in my pantsh but I can't helpsh it," the Justice babbled.
Justice Breyer's physician, Dr. Stanely A. Kitman, explained that the Justice is no longer in full control of his faculties or his bowels, but that this condition in no way precludes him from serving on the Supreme Court of the United States.
"He still likes to play dress-up in his robes and his Dr. Seuss costumes, and that's a good sign that he's not yet comatose.
You know," the doctor added "Harry Reid is actually much farther along in his ALD than Justice Breyer is, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi, at this stage, is practically a vegetable."