September 20, 2010
Washington/Union City, NJ- The Imam at the heart of the Ground Zero Mega-Mosque controversy has been identified as a notorious slumlord by Union City, New Jersey officials. President Obama, upon learning of the designation, called a quick news conference in order to defend his friend Rauf's rights. Obama vowed that the Mosque-building initiative was 'not going to be derailed by insignificant building violations that could result in the deaths of hundreds of tenants.'
'It is absolutely important now for the overwhelming majority of the tenants in Rauf's slums to understand that as a Muslim, he as the absolute right to be the slumlord of his own properties."
"Muslims are the best of people, don't fuck with them" said Obama (photo courtesy of FreakingNews.com)
'Rauf is not at war with absent fire alarm installers,' Obama said. 'He is at war with bigotry and Islamophobia that is rampant throughout his buildings.'
Obama also again weighed in on the plans for a New York City mosque near the 2001 terrorist attack site.
Imam Rauf's rat infested slum apartment building in Union City, New Jersey (photo courtesy of Dirty Jobs)
"Muslims should be able to build whatever they want, wherever they want, and maintain whatever they have in any way they wish. Americans must learn that Muslims are the best of people, and any resistance to Muslims taking over is nothing but bigotry and racism.
What it all comes down to is that Imam Rauf can do what he likes with his apartment buildings, and if the residents don't appreciate him they can live in the fucking street. Also, as regards the mosque, we will not allow anyone to build a church on that site, nor will we allow anyone to build a synagogue or a Hindu temple, and if someone did, Imam Rauf would reserve the absolute right to tear it down and build a mega-mosque on top of it, inshallah" the president said.
Obama did not directly mention the Constitution in his statement, but appeared confused when someone shouted something about it.
"Constipation? I don't have any idea what that has to do with this debate at all, and I'm perfectly regular, thanks" the president said, before refusing to answer any questions.