August 31, 2010
(Cleveland) In an announcement today that is sure to shock the Western world, and enrage the one-fifth of the world's population of humans who always assumed they were just like (or superior to) everyone else, scientific evidence has been developed that demonstrates that Islamic people -- Muslims -- have actually devolved into a sub-species of human beings that are quite different from non-Muslims, or modern people (Homo sapiens).
Introducing: "Homo sapiens Mohammedanus"
NOT QUITE CAVEMEN, BUT GETTING THERE
According to Dr. Robert Korby of the Cleveland Institute for Anthropological Research, Islamic peoples actually achieved this "altered" status some five hundred years ago, after nearly a millennia of severe physical, social, and psychological brainwashing, as well as dogmatic theological conditioning, and the rampant inbreeding that is unique to the Islamic world, even to this very day (see Morocco, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Muammar Gadaffi, or any of his kids).
Add to that the long-term institutionalized discouragement of education, and over time you've got one very large group of profoundly ignorant and primitive-minded people, set apart from the rest of humanity.
NATURE IS JUST FIGHTING BACK
"This species devolvement is simply nature fighting back against all the abuse, all the ridiculous genetic shenanigans such as first cousin-on-cousin, uncle-niece, nephew-goat, or brother-sister marriages over all those centuries, and all inspired and ordered by one brutal and unworthy troglodyte - Mohammad - who could have been the poster-child for Primitive Barbarian magazine, had such a publication ever existed" said Korby.
He believes that the Muslim prophet certainly didn't do his people any favors by setting up a system of such total-control, even down to the smallest detail, like how to piss, and in which direction.
"Consequently, 1.5 billion people are now paying a terrible price. Science is learning that if you abuse your natural heritage and human potentials and abilities for long enough, nature will step right in and kick your ass all the way back to the stone age where you belong.
STILL HUMAN BEINGS, BUT GENETICALLY DIFFERENT
In short, the Islamic peoples are not quite cavemen yet, and they're still human beings, but Mohammedanus have changed psychologically and genetically, and right now they're clearly cruising down the road toward undiscovering the wheel, and have already made a downpayment toward the admission price into 'Ooog, fire good' land" he said.
Caveman, or maybe just a disrobed tribesman from Afghanistan? (photo courtesy of GEICO)
"The Islamic peoples, abused by their religious leaders and stultified by socio-political nonsense over nearly 1,500 years, are regressing, moving backwards through development, devolving into a more primitive form of human, which is an actual subset of modern humans. It's both very sad and exhilirating to witness.
From an anthropogical and genetic sciences viewpoint, it's certainly extraordinary" said Dr. Korby.
"Homo sapiens Mohammedanus"
In the scheme of all things human, he explains, Homo sapiens (non Islamic peoples) are at the top of the "food chain" and are considered to be the most developed, the most modern. It is crucial to note, Dr. Korby points out, that there were other humans in our evolution that were vitally important in the development of our species, such as Homo sapiens Sapiens (extinct) and Homo sapiens Idaltu (extinct as of 160,000 years ago).
Now, we must add Homo sapiens Mohammedanus (approx. 1500 A.D. - ? ) to that list as well.
"I was asked by an anthropological researcher why we've gone to such trouble to create a new classification for them, Mohammedanus, instead of just using Idaltu or even sapiens Sapiens" says Korby.
"And while it's true that they will be devolving through those anthropological stages on their journey backwards toward prokaryotic cells, neither of those classic human species were ever so willingly self-destructive, so regressive in the face of available knowledge, or so universally violent and intolerant toward their closest relatives, in this case, Homo sapiens.
Taken all together, those reasons justiy having their very own classification status."
Homo sapiens, male and female
Homo sapiens Idaltu, male (extinct 160,000 years ago)
Homo sapiens Mohammedanus, male and female -- at least that's believed to be a female (Islamic peoples)
Chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes), sadly no longer the closest relative of Homo sapiens (photo courtesy of The Chimp Channel)
Dr. Korby noted that physical features alone are not sufficient to identify Homo sapiens Mohammedanus - that type of verification actually requires a genetics test or a post mortem brain weigh-in - but good preliminary indicators are attitudes, actions, beliefs and desires; in particular the seemingly unquenchable blood lust of Mohammedanus against modern humans, most notably their fascination with decapitation.
"It's some sort of strange, inverted cargo-cult thing, I believe, where progressively primitivized peoples are up against modern humans, and they just don't understand anything anymore, so they're lashing out every which way" said Korby.
DIVERGENT PATHS FOR HUMANITY?
As for the future of human beings, both Homo sapiens and Homo sapiens Mohammedanus, Korby says he's optimistic for modern humans, but for Mohammedanus, not so much.
"Modern, enlightened people can achieve great things, and someday we may even leave the Earth to settle other planets" he said.
But as for the ever-devolving Islamic peoples?
"Considering the rate at which they're currently backsliding, at just about the same time modern people are lifting off in specialized spacecraft to colonize new worlds, Mohammedanus will just be discovering that hitting themselves repeatedly over the head with a club, hurts."