August 27, 2010
(Chicago) In a poll conducted amongst thousands of American canines, it's been revealed that the majority seem to have come out in favor of the Ground Zero Mosque, and especially its highly controversial leader, Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf.
This is hardly the result that was expected, since most dogs in the U.S. have always been considered to be very loyal and patriotic.
John Gaynor, Director of the Field Intelligence Digest Organization (FIDO), a Chicago based Polling Research company, said that he even went over the collected data twice, just to be certain.
"Rauf! Rauf! Rauf! Rauf!" answered "Rocky" when asked who he supports in the debate (photo by Daddy)
The numbers are certainly shocking: dogs sound like they favor Rauf by a margin of 4 to 1.
"I imagine there are going to be some very unhappy mommies and daddies out there who will be seriously considering sending their little tail-waggers back to obedience school" said Gaynor.
"In addition to learning basic stuff such as sit, down, come, and stay, doggie-schools may also have to start adding a Qur'an and Hadith class or two, just to counter the radical Islamic ideas that America's pooches must be picking up from somewhere, most likely from just being in the living room whenever Keith Olberman is on the TV" he added.
"Rauf!" replied "Miah" in a deep, convincing-sounding voice when asked whose side she supports. This beautiful Golden Retriever has clearly never read Sahih Bukhari 4/54/539 (photo by Mommy).
Hugh Fitzgerald, Vice President of Jihadwatch.org, and one of America's leading experts on Islam (as well as a dog lover), was particularly disturbed by the findings.
"If these pooches understood just how profoundly the texts, tenents, and atmospherics of Islam inculcate a very deep religious hatred for, and bigoted fear of, dogs -- institutionally, systematically, and without mercy or the hope of general tolerance -- they probably wouldn't be so vocal in their support of this man, Rauf, or his ideals."
Fitzgerald pointed us to two specific passages in the Hadith Sahih Bukhari (the traditions of the "Prophet") where dogs are spoken of in relation to the Muslim Prophet:
'Angels do not enter a house which has either a dog or a picture of a dog'
(sahih Bukari 4/54/539)
Mohammad also ordered all dogs in Arabia to be killed
(sahih Bukari 4/54/540)
Hugh Fitzgerald of JihadWatch.Org (file)
Fitzgerald noted that, in short, Islam is not, and has never been, a friend to man's best friend.
He said that he always believed that the dogs he's spoken to, either firmly, or with kindness and affection, understood the dangers to them from Islam; but in light of this new study, he's had to reconsider what he's previously taken for granted. He hopes that, however, if Max, Buddy, Rocky, Good Boy, or the others do feel that way, that they'll at least spend some time, with their masters, reading up on Islam.
"Rauf!" answered cute little Beagle puppy "Sadie." Just too young to know any better?
"Max", a three year old German Shepherd, seemed so supportive of Rauf that he required immediate muzzling (photo by Heinrich)
Contacted by this reporter for comment, CAIR (Council on American Islamic Relations) spokesman Ibrahim Hooper was extremely interested in and excited by the findings of this study.
"Finally, a very welcome, tolerant, and intelligent response from a very large group of real Americans!" he rejoiced.
"I'm going to prepare a big press release about this and we're going national with it! Of course we as Muslims hate dogs, but this is a PR coup!"
You don't even want to know what "Infidel Killer" had to say (photo by Ahmed)
Not surprisingly, Imam Rauf himself was unavailable for comment on this story. His office informed us that if we have questions about what they refer to as the "Park51 Community Center with only a very tiny little prayer area loosely attached," we should contact Keith Olberman.
Laura Baines-Kipperman, President of the National Association for the Mental Welfare of Animals, stated that she's certain that this study is overblown, and that America's dogs do not pose any kind of threat to their owners and companions.
"I'm certain that they're really just repeating things that they've heard a lot lately, like the glowing support and love for Imam Rauf from people on television, especially Keith Olberman.
There's really no need at all to worry that your poochie-poochie, large or small, is going to commit any kind of jihad-terrorist act against you or anyone else. They all love their mommies and daddies," she said.
"And they all love America too!"
"Amnesty" said "Pedro", a cute little Chihuahua puppy who lives in Phoenix, AZ. He said "I haven't been following this whole Rauf story closely enough to comment intelligently on it, but I would be more than happy to discuss my views on anchor-babies, if there is ever a survey done on that topic in the future." (photo by Papi)